My resentment stems from my inability to act on my own needs.
How I do so wish that our office had a hidden trap door at the front entrance that's a one button press to send nasty people down a chute and into a rancor pit.
to like my body, to feel comfortable in my own body, to want sex, to have sex, to enjoy sex, because of a strict conservative upbringing. Not wanting to burn in hell. People make fun of these beliefs but when you grow up in it, it's very difficult. I feel so disconnected from my own body. It's very strange. I want to deprogram myself but don't know how.
pandemic anxiety has left me with separation anxiety with my Mom. I’m 39.
Love him to pieces but that future mother-in-law? Can't even
But I find someone dressed to workout and reading a book on the bus very sexy.
In memory of the little gosling in Central Park who valiantly tried to save its little life by running from the bear - You're cute, brave, fuzzy and sweet and you are endearing and loved. I'm really hurting for you and I keep crying. I didn't know you, but I know I love you.
during inventory the item to which I playfully assign human qualities had a count equal to the date of my birth. Kinda cool.
When all the tasks and errands are done I’m left to wonder what is left in my life. My energy and funds are limited. I can get by, but to what purpose? I pay taxes, work, consume, sleep, repeat. But where is the joy? Where is the sense of accomplishment? Do I have to keep doing this? I’d rather close up shop, have a few good months traveling and then submit my body and organs for science and donation. I don’t need to be here and I could help a lot of people through vacating. That could be my contribution. My job, home, resources, and organs carefully distributed to support others who need them. That would be a great joy. To pass on the good things I have for others. Life holds nothing more in store for me but an ending and I welcome it.
Have you ever been in a relationship with someone when you felt constantly off-balance and confused? Like you want to make them happy but for some reason no matter what you do they’re never quite satisfied? I’ve been ruminating on all of the things I ignored that led to me staying in a very dysfunctional relationship with someone who was always changing the goalposts. They wanted this so I gave it to them but suddenly this wasn’t enough and they wanted that, so I gave it to them, but then they wanted such and such, etc, etc, etc.. It was exhausting. Big red flags that I waved away because I kept thinking that if I just could get it right they would finally be happy with me. Now I can see the manipulation for what it was; just another mind game designed to keep me questioning myself instead of them. They said I wasn’t “consistent” enough because of the times I’d finally get so frustrated that I’d get fed up and leave. Another manipulative response to my very normal reaction to being jerked around. I’d wind up apologizing for becoming upset, and they would “give us another chance”. Then it would happen all over again. Being completely away from this situation for some time now has really clarified exactly what was going on, and now I vow to always listen to my gut instincts and never EVER again ignore red flags!