I never realized how crazy the workplace I spent years in was until it was behind me. Sometimes I wonder how I managed to waste so much time in dysfunction and why I didn't want to surround myself with better. I must has been crazy too to put up with it for so long. If you're in a toxic situation, at home, work, school, wherever it may be, don't suffer through it. You become your environment. Set aside delusions of having to be tough and persevere and that the best things you have to struggle for. It's a lie we're told to manipulate our boundaries and become complacent. You don't. The right places and people align naturally without any resistance. They do not hurt you to feel a sense of power, they do not sabotage you to get ahead, they do not try to humble you to reduce your worth and get their way. Don't allow toxic situations or anybody to rewire your brain into codependence to accommodate their goals and notion of success. Hindsight can teach you that you were right, or you can listen to your intuition, it's never wrong.
I have a hard time distinguishing one day from the next. I think this is how brain fog rolls in.
I started swearing.
No big deal to some of you but it kinda is to me. I find it really liberating and an effective way to release frustration, anger, etc. My kids have heard me, my parents, my spouse, and my God. And guess what they still love me. F#*k the purity culture messages I absorbed as a young girl from conservative christian culture about sex, profanity, etc. Such bullshit!
I suffered the tragedy of my lifetime last year. I am less than 2 weeks away from returning to my dream career that has been in flux since the pandemic started. anger and grief fuel me, but only in so much as getting me out of bed everyday to stand up fight on. the last year has been paralleled with being one of my best. not wanting to sit still long enough to think led me to being the most active I've ever been. the pandemic closed off every knew, so that adventure was to a docile world of closed doors, but also beautiful welcoming open doors. places and people I had never known or thought about. as the last days of summer of the pandemic and tragedy come into focus, I stand atop this mountain. one war won, another about to begin. dreams lay ahead not behind.
OCM Sto'lo Coast Salish salutations: I really value your contributions here! Thank you.
when I'm in love. I just feel like a different person. Now in my 70' s and divorced, I haven't felt it for a long time. Sometimes it wasn't reciprocated thru my life but there's nothing quite like it. I wonder if it will come along one more time.
For a petite woman with 34DDs.
As a person with life long body dysmorphia,I don't think I will ever get over it.
On Alexander Street last week I was walking towards a couple walking down the street, the guy made a joke about some unfortunate guy sleeping on the sidewalk with a piece of cardboard covering his head. I didn't hear the joke but the both laughed and laughed. Then the guy pulls out his phone and snaps a photo of the guy turns and looks at me with an expression on his face that says; "Holy shit I'm hilarious", the woman giggling... I just looked at them like the pieces of shit they are.
I thought to myself, if karma exists both will end up living on the street for the rest of their useless lives.
I hate my birthday. I hate it so much I feel anxious about it. I don’t want to see, hear, smell, think, speak, or do anything related to it. My family doesn’t get it and thinks that if they try harder they can change my mind. It just makes it worse causing me to feel unaccepted, disrespected and alone. It’s a very sad and difficult time of year for me. Acceptance, support, and space are all I need.
Occasionally I’ve caught myself having very uncharitable thoughts about a few people who are so judgmental about other people who haven’t lived the privileged life that they have. People I know very well in fact. Sometimes I’ve privately wished just a wee little bit of hardship on them. Like they actually get sick with a real illness that causes them to not be able to to work, for example. Or that they lose a whack of money in investments because of a sudden fall in the markets. I know it’s not good to wish bad things on other people, but sometimes I’d just like life to smack them upside the head to wipe that self-congratulatory smirk off of their faces for just a bit.