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Struggling with Compassion

I love you You deserve a hug I’m sure you did your best Let me make you some tea Let’s watch something together I enjoy spending time with you You are the most lovable person I know I think these are the things I need to hear the most, but at the same time I’m deeply afraid I don’t deserve them. At the same time I wish I could accept and allow myself to say these things confidently to the people in my life without feeling afraid or that something is wrong with me. Why is it so hard? No, instead maybe I need to ask, How can I make it easier? Practice on myself Accept that it takes time Have a cry And Breathe

Music sharing is more intimate than sex

I know. It sounds absurd. But musical taste tells a lot about person. Once I dated a guy that I thought shared my musical taste and also expanded my music library with really great selections. Then I realized that he was actually into bad 90's emo music and really lame edm. The music he shared with me was usurped from the other women he was dating at the same time. I wish I could get their numbers from him, they all had great taste. In music. He was a total douchebag.

Blank Canvas

When you approach people with seething anger, dishonesty and a sense of entitlement, you don't deserve loving kindness in return. You deserve humble pie to the face. I made seconds knowing about your appetite for hubris.

Want to leave

I'm so stuck. Recently married but my spouse and I haven't talked in weeks. Think we made a mistake. Work has been so overwhelming: too busy and i'm expected to do things i've never done without any direction or help. Started regularly crying at work. Trying to find a place to live that I can afford and that I don't have to share and that is still in vancouver. On top of it trying to keep my anger in check as the wealthy shit all over this city and the people struggling to live here. Now i'm getting suicidal thoughts more often and just want to get away. Either move somewhere without telling anyone where or just fucking kill myself. I don't know. It's all too heavy, I can't breathe.

FWB

I don't have a great history with sex. Guys I've been with, I was basically a utilitarian piece. They were okay both sexually and in general. Last month I decided after a 2 year hiatus post horrific relationship and break-up, I'd give in to online "dating" and met a guy. Sex was amazing, he is gorgeous, and super sweet during, before and after sex. But now I'm getting feelings because of the niceness. The great sex is a super bonus, and I love our little chats. However, not knowing much about FWB dynamics, I assume he doesn't feel the same. Texts are just set ups for sexy times. But the sweetness when we are together gets me every time. I need this in my life constantly. Hopeless romantic.

Losing hope

I’m a single mom and was laid off a couple of months ago. I’m behind on my bills and got my first ei cheque a whopping $300. I can’t get my ex to help out because of course I chose a poor excuse of a father who refuses to step up. I wait for the system to do its part after I put in the papers but of course they are behind. I go to the food bank and am grateful for the people who donate and it helps but isn’t enough. I go to the library daily to apply for jobs and still nothing. I see other single parents struggling and they are working. I keep wondering when things will get better, I try to think optimistically so I don’t put my fear and anxiety onto my child because that’s what we do, we try to shield them from the hardships in life. But I feel like I’m losing hope that things will get better, and that scares me.

Envy?

I’ve always been a low key person, however, life has been kind to me for a while and, without expecting this, I’ve become kind of popular recently and complete strangers have started appreciating my work. It hurt me to see my friends’ reactions, ranging from disbelief to completely ignoring me. I’m still the same person to them and I rarely ( if ever) brag. Can’t people be happy for their peers anymore?

I push myself to try something new and end up hating myself for trying.

Sometimes participating in this activity called "living" feels like too much work. Most of the time I'd rather just stay in bed and scroll through photos of people I don't really care about. Lately I've been trying to challenge myself by trying new things but there seems to be no fulfillment in that either. I know what I have to do to get things done. But in the end, who cares if I end up not accomplishing anything? I'm not sure if I do anymore.

Im just so busy !

I reached out to an old friend after thinking about her for years, ive never bonded with anyone like i have with her. I said how i felt .. I was sorry for being absent for years but i didnt want to burden my friends with my family drama of me raising a 14 year old sister addicted to drugs and with an eating disorder when i was 19 while they were all out banging boys and being normal young adults finding their way. She said she underatood and has always wanted to reconnect and that she missed me and thought of me often over the years. Ok good right ? Well... 4 rescheduled plans later i kept hearing oh you know i have 3 kids im So Busy! Hey i totally understand who wouldnt be ! Plans turned to oh ill call you.. And that never happened. Then i got some advice from my mom who said if she wanted to make the connection she would find a way to. Let it go. Dont hold onto outcomes. She isnt showing she cares by her actions. Boom. Blown away. I sent a message that read .."Hey, i know your totally busy and thats understandable lets try for a month away or so ok?" No response. Read message though. Is it so hard to say hey you know ive had second thoughts and a.b.c. etc. Or.. Just be honest !?! So easy to not be upfront and deal with life easier to be busyy. Who else has had this encounter? Do you just drop it or is this person actually busy and me having no kids just doesnt get it and thinks im being bluffed off ?

Chasing likes

I take a lot of photos ( landscapes etc ) and post them on Facebook. I confess I feel validated when there’s many likes and disappointed when there’s few likes. It’s so dumb

I SAW YOU

Park Royal Window Shopper in the Rain

I crossed paths about three times on Saturday afternoon. Tall, dark, and handsome, and I should...

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