This pandemic only intensified my hatred for stupid humans and my love for cute animals.
Maybe its covid or maybe I'm just not " friendly " enough. I've been working at a place for 5 years and I just don't seem to fully click with anyone. I've always seemed to have friends in my previous places of employment , but I just can't seem to make anything stick. Everyone has their cliques and I just kind of float around as the " nice girl ". Im soft spoken at times and try to take a genuine interest in people by asking them questions yet its never really reciprocated.
Having lived in this city my whole life and I see why people who have just moved here find it so difficult to make friends. It's just exhausting. Maybe I shouldn't care so much .
I just don't really want to hang out with the people who abandoned me during the pandemic. I don't want to come over and hang out with you... Why would I? So I can feel like I'm insanely unimportant that we cannot hang out at all during the pandemic?
I’m a very sensitive and empathetic person. I react very strongly to other people’s emotions, so that if someone cries I have to fight very hard not to cry too. Total strangers being shown on tv crying, and I’m immediately crying too. So it’s become so bad that I can no longer watch the news. So many horrific things happening, and it just overwhelms me. I thought that getting old would make it easier for me to handle, but I’ve just become more and more empathic the older I’ve become. It’s to the point where I just want to hide from the rest of humanity because I can’t stand all the pain.
I used to love listening to Classic Rock 101 back in the day, but it's getting boring. They play the same ten overrated songs by bands like Led Zeppelin, Queen, Aerosmith and the Eagles. There's so many other amazing rock bands that deserve more radio play these days. So Classic Rock 101, I'm done. You've ruined Hotel California for me.
I finally got a job. The thing is after so many interviews and so many rejections I felt basically unemployable and hopeless. The last interview I did I felt like I was on autopilot, uninspired, flat and dull. I imagined moments after leaving the interviewers mocking me and laughing at my CV as they toss it in the bin. Much to my surprise they called me the next day! I almost called them back to make sure it wasn't a joke.
There is no moral to this story. Job interviews fucking suck and good luck and godspeed to anyone out there looking.
So things are starting to open back up, we can have people over again, much more freedom to socialize and go out and about.
Although, I've learned over the last year, that I didn't like the people I was spending most of my time with, and during covid they basically ghosted me, and I'm okay with that. My pre-covid friends were people that shout talked at me and even if I could get a word in edgewise they'd not remember what I said later, so do I really care if I can see them again. No, no I don't. I'm way to good for them and their negativity anyways.
My old friends tell.me stories of crazy stuff I did when I was young that I have very little recollection of.
I still miss her. I still think of her every day. I can't move forward. I act like I don't care publicly stating my feelings secretly wishing she is still here. I say I wouldn't ever talk to her, when it comes to it, I instantly respond to anyone I think is her. I desperately need her to want me 14 years later. I'll wait for ever I decided.
If we can't see each other in person I'd rather talk on the phone twice a month than receive empty emoji texts every day