I have run out of online shows to watch. Now I am left with a desperate kind of craving to fill that void. I need new stories to consume. Please feed me.
Which was both painful and shameful. Everyone wants to be on target in life, but lately it seems it's getting tougher. I want to try again tomorrow though. I must be a glutton for punishment.
Gay guys try and pick me up all the time and women think I'm a player.
I'm not either.
So, ahhh, what do I do?
I'm a nurse in critical care. Seen it all throughout the pandemic and came out a shell of a person. I see why patients complain about us having a lack of empathy, and being monsters overall. They're not wrong and I hate admitting that. I can't even describe how difficult these years have been, and we've been expected to maintain our cool throughout but in conditions like that, it was just not possible.
I'm gonna put myself through de-escalation training all over again and try to rewire my brain to be the empathetic nurse I was before all this happened. I dont like who I've become. I never show my patients how little empathy I have for them when they aren't truly suffering, but I've gotten to the point where I dont feel the empathy that I normally would unless they are in seriously critical condition. Suffering is subjective and I want to re-teach that to myself until I genuinely feel it.
I'm sorry to all patients who have experienced substandard care from a group of beyond exhausted nurses/docs. This is not how healthcare should be and I'm going to try and be better. PLEASE be patient with us--ill try and spread the word.
I regret being an impossible introvert - but I have no one to confess this aloud to. While I hold social media accounts, I do not attend to them often - every few years at best. Sadly, this was the way I learned of one of my dearest friends passing, and several months after it happened. It breaks my heart to not have spent more time with them, or to have told them how much their friendship meant to me and how I loved them. I felt ashamed, and an unworthy friend! I mourned the loss deeply because true friends are rare - we are blessed and lucky to ever find and keep one. By this anonymous confession I hope that someone reads this - perhaps some other introvert like me - and remembers that we should not take our friendships for granted. The smallest things hold greater meaning with time. How many tomorrow's shall come before it's too late?
In my life, I've only met a handful of people who have deep and extreme mental resonance and chemistry (less than ten, sadly zero of who I have any kind of physical relationship with right now; I don't mean romantically but any kind).
Physical attraction I find very common (there are a loooot of really physically beautiful people out there, holy smokes), and essence ("soul/spirit") resonance is also not uncommon - the number of people who happen to be an essence that is a soulmate must be in the millions, by my count [I have a kind of unorthodox understanding of what 'soulmate' means]. Both combined, also not that uncommon. But real mental resonance that is profound, amazing, mutual, and has that electric "it" factor is so rare, at least for me.
And if that's not there, the other two tend to fall by the wayside.
A lot of people are really awesome, friendly, have things in common, have that "it" factor partially, etc, yet somehow it just doesn't click in all the right ways, mutually, and it ends up being... somehow lacking experientially on my end. I'm not trying to invalidate them at all, but...
I wish I would meet more people who fall into the third category -- a lot more. Feeling lonelier around others than when I'm by myself is messed up.
I wonder if it makes me truly mad.
I can't stand it when people make videos online and when something funny happens with a friend, pet, etc. they laugh while making eye contact into the camera rather than laughing with the person/in the moment. It makes it seem so freakin fake and impersonal. Like can't we just enjoy one simple thing like laughter in the moment rather than doing everything for the camera? It actually drives me nuts
For years I’ve saved up my returnable (bottles and cans) recycling for a few weeks before putting it out in a separate bag for the binners who (I assumed) were picking it up. I do this in lieu of handing out money on the street, and I feel like they’re doing a legitimate job and they work hard. But I’m not going to do it anymore after what just happened. So I’m walking out to the alley behind my building with my bag of bottles tonight in the dark when I encounter a well-dressed middle aged woman digging into the blue bin, while her companion in a white BMW or Mercedes sat idling waiting for her to collect her haul. I’m just so grossed out by this. Seriously? They need the money so much that they sneak around in the dark in an expensive car digging through blue bins? Wtf? Just gross. So lady, that’s the last time you’re getting a damned thing from me. From now on I’m taking my returnable stuff to the depot myself, and I’ll collect the money and donate it to people who actually need it.
I don't have any tattoos. Not to judge those who do, but a little voice in my ear suggested I prioritize on tattooing my heart with truth, beauty and goodness; rather than superficially tattooing my outer garment.