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I think...

It's best for people to count their blessings or do a genuinely good deed for society rather than sit around, complaining about it so much. Complaining does nothing but only increase anxiety. Try to put your head down and see if you can go through the rest of the year, maybe even the rest of your life without worrying about crappy things that aren't even worth a passing thought. Me? I'm not one of those enlightened types that live in a fantasy world of lollipops, unicorns and other illusional nonsense. I know how shitty things can be, but I only raise issues when it's absolutely necessary. That's just my opinion.

Regrets, I've had a few.

I spotted you and thought you were -- I don't know, it was definitely more than just a physical attraction. There was kindness radiating from you. I kick myself when I think about how utterly incapable I was of speaking around you. You asked me how I was doing and I couldn't make eye contact. That was twelve years ago and I still think about it, what might have been. Maybe nothing would've unfolded but it would've been nice to know either way. The sad thing is if the exact same scenario were to happen today, I would be just as flummoxed and incapable. There needs some kind of remedial education for dumpster fire level romantic-social hot messes. I barely knew you but you seemed like a lovely person. I hope you're doing well.

Love that

Feeling at night when I’m lying there perfectly still in bed and something lightly runs up my face which feels like a ghost or spider petting me ever so gently. Thankfully I’m not scared of either so I enjoy the moment.

Colder and colder

Sure the weather is cold and dreary. But everyone seems to be acting much colder too, unusually cold, needlessly cold. I was on a bus and a guy was seated in front of me with a sign to give it up for elders or the disabled. All these really old chinese people got on and he was bust sending texts, ignoring them all. I would have given up my seat if i wasn't in agonizing pain with a back operation approaching. Standing is hell, standing on a bus bouncing around is worse. I felt like nobody gives a damn about anyone. Like everyone is lost in narcissism. You may think i sound suicidal but i would never have the courage to do that. Id screw it up and make my life far worse. That's just an aside as to why i applied for M.A.I.D. I will probably be denied, knowing my luck, due to all my issues being invisible to others and gritting my teeth and baring the enormous pain i feel regularly. Its like dental nerve pain all through my arms, legs, shoulders and head. My life sucks. Yes. But i wouldn't want to be here anyway if i felt fine. P.s. the world needs to send a message to all governments that murder is not acceptable.

People who don't use head phones are sad...

Every time I'm on the bus & I hear multiple people cranking the volume up on their devices, I don't get mad, I just think you're all sad. When I hear a group of people blasting their blue tooth speakers at the northern end of the Lynn Valley trail, ruining the serene beauty, peace & quite that the rest of us seek in nature, I don't become envious of their high-tech toys that just end up in a dump in two years. I just think to myself: how incredibly sad. I think you all sad. I'm not jealous, not envious, not mad, not angry. No. I just feel sorry for you all. I feel sorry for you because your parents obviously did a very poor job of raising you. I feel sorry for you because you will never know what it's like to switch your disposable toys off, to put them away, & to get to know your fellow human beings while riding transit. It's also particularly sad to think that none of you will ever know what it's like to sit in nature, by yourselves, without any noise to distract you, & to simply enjoy existing. Truly, truly sad.

We are all Ukrainian in the fight for democracy

The real and/or perceived decline in support for Ukraine is dangerous and potentially devastating. The impact on democracy goes beyond Ukraine and Europe. Supporting Ukrainians here and in Europe is the best investment we could make to oppose a ruthless dictator who is hell bent on bringing chaos, death and destruction to the civilized world. Fascism is waging a war against our will to resist it just as it wages a war on the people of Ukraine. Just as thousands of Ukrainians are murdered in arial bombardment, our consciousness (and conscience) is also targeted. We all know or should know that Russia's war of aggression includes much more than mass murder of innocent civilians in its illegal invasion. It includes war crimes: systemic rape, torture, the mass abduction of children. It's been said that "the only thing for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing." In America, the inaction in Congress to unlock Ukraine aid is directly linked to current territorial losses and a dire future for Ukraine. The apparent funding blockade by a Trump aligned House speaker seems poised to sacrifice Ukraine just to deny President Biden a military/political victory. In Canada, we also see partisan politics against the interests of Ukraine with divisions about either lack of support or the nature of it and these are amplified by party faithful. Others work to undermine support with fatalism or misguided cost benefit analysis, apathy, and antagonism. Ukraine is the perfect place for the western world to take a stand for life, liberty, democracy and justice. These are the values that Canadians have always fought for whether against Nazis and Fascists of World War 2 or the authoritarian regimes of the cold war. Don't we have a responsibility to assist on a most basic human level if nothing else not just for the Ukrainian or European future but for ours! Isolation is the politics of abandonment. Abandonment has only two conclusions. It either ends when all is lost or when we decide to "abandon the abandonment." I confess that I do not know who what is the precise cause of our current domestic isolationism. However, I am very certain that Ukrainians need and deserve support. On a humanitarian level, in a struggle that is as close to good versus evil that we may ever witness: we are all Ukrainians now whether we know it or not.

Distress and Recovery

Why did it go on for so long? The constant disrespect and undercutting. Everyone watched. Speechless. The optimist in me looked for good reason and hoped for better times. I believed I just wasn’t good enough, and too dull to understand that this was all for my growth and benefit. What can I learn? Now that there is respite I begin to breathe and wonder, what really happened here?

Just an observation

I have noticed the people that I've known who say "Ya think?" Correlate exactly with the least intelligent people I've ever met. Just an observation. It's scientifical.

Illusions and delusions

They lure you in by offering you a dream. They go to extreme lengths to convince you to ignore that little voice inside telling you that it’s too good to be true, until finally you give in and take the bait. Once you’re in it and a little time has passed, you start to notice a few things. They’re a little controlling, have a bit of a temper, etc. But there are so many great things! You seem to have this amazing connection that’s different from anything you’ve experienced before. More time passes, and more of the bad stuff starts to happen, but by now you’ve invested not only your time, but your heart. Maybe you even made some significant life changes in order to be with them. Your friends and family express some concerns about certain aspects of them that worry them, but you don’t want to believe that maybe this person isn’t your soulmate after all so you push those thoughts away. It’s so incredibly hard to acknowledge that the person we love so much just fooled us, and it’s embarrassing to have to admit that you rushed into it too fast, so you keep hanging on hoping that by some miracle they’ll change and be that person who offered you the dream. But waiting only makes it harder and eventually you lose yourself in so many ways that you don’t even recognize yourself anymore. I get it, believe me. I wasted a huge amount of my life in exactly this type of relationship, and it just about killed me. No relationship is always bad, just like no person is always bad. Of course there are the great things and the great qualities, because if there wasn’t you wouldn’t have fallen for them in the first place. But those things don’t outweigh the facts. They don’t outweigh the lies and deliberate deception. Please don’t let those things keep you in this trap. You must find the strength to walk away NOW.

Big sends

Honestly, I’m still trying to claw my way back from the effects of the pandemic. I lost my amazing job, only to have had two of the shittiest jobs in my life. I took them on I good faith but both raked me through the coals. Is this what working in Canada has become?? Now EI has run out, and I’ve been hustling for the last 6 months and still no wins. What does it fucking take to get a break after all the countless work that I’ve put into applying for jobs. I’m a terrible friend and family member right now because I NEED A JOB. Sending a plea to the universe that I have suffered enough for the last 3 years, and need some stability and calm. Please send an opportunity.


Happy Day Cafe on Kingsway

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