I think I’m grieving. Do I know why? Maybe it’s this change. The world slowly unfolding again. Spaces now loud and lively, crowds and larger gatherings. The heightened energy feels unnerving. I miss the peace and quiet, the opportunity to sequester away.
My team were all laid off last year. One of my colleagues that was let go was nasty to me: humiliating me in group meetings, taking over my work behind my back, having meetings in my boss without me concerning issues that affect me, that kind of thing. I think he thought he was safeguarded from ever getting fired after having been there a decade and moving up the ladder. So while we were all finding our way to new jobs after, I got a full time gig. He has still not landed on his feet. At first I was filled with glee that no one hired him, to get back at him. But it's been more than a year now, and I realize that was a shitty thing to feel happy over his misfortune. He has two teenagers to feed, and wife who needs health insurance via work (they are American). The longer he is out of work, the less likely he will get hired. Ageism plays a factor too. Now I feel bad. I have no way to help him as I don't have any extra work to throw his way. All I know is that when you're working for others, your future is never certain. Things can end abruptly and you will have to find your way. I'm looking into starting my own business so that I'm not dependent on my current employer. Because being laid off could happen again.
I don’t believe for one minute that the pandemic is over. It’s far from it. Just because Bonnie Henry says wearing masks are now a choice, that doesn’t mean the virus will go away and never come back. It’s here to stay but basically manageable. If we’re actually returning back to a normal life then whatever, I’ll believe it when I see it.
I’m a single male in my mid-30s. Haven’t dated in two years ever since I let go of a long-term relationship. Of course I’ve chatted with a few women on dating apps here and there, but that’s about as far as I’ve gone lately. For some reason, I’m just not in the mood to date anymore. I don’t even know how to explain…I’m just not feeling it. Maybe I live in the past, but it’s hard to carry on since the last thing I want is for history to repeat itself. Can’t afford another heartbreak again.
It's a bit gray and we out, so totally just happy to stay inside and snuggle. I still have my security blanket from my younger years. Hugs to everyone that doesn't have someone to hug and wants one.
I absolutely hate being tickled. I dont know who ever thought it was ok to hold people down and tickle them thinking it's fun. Since I was a kid I absolutely loathed it and would kick, scream and cry only to have the person continue thinking it was funny. If I accidentally kicked/elbowed them in the face or hurt them during my "tantrum", I was told I was a bad sport and its "just tickling". When someone says stop, just f&$king stop.
My Apple laptop died yesterday. I put it in my backpack and walked around to a few places getting quotes. The prognosis wasn’t good. I walked home in the drizzle feeling like I was carrying an old friend : ( Funny thing, attachments. On the other hand, I’m feeling much better this morning…I’ve moved through the grieving process with surprising alacrity. I’ve given myself permission to upgrade : D Was too practical to do so while it was still alive “working fine”. Farewell old friend. Hello there beautiful : - )
Out of money. Soon, out of food. Can't pay bills so phone will go soon. Local food banks have barely anything you can live on. All money from welfare goes to rent. No friends, friends only around when I have money. No family. Too old to get a job, rejected for last couple of years.
I can't do this anymore. I'm losing the will. Forgive me.
I dream of houses. Ones that are well-tended, quirky, and filled with love and life. Yet the inhabitants are always absent. Long gone. What could have caused them to leave their peaceful and fulfilled lives? I wander through each home for clues and find nothing to solve that mystery. Perhaps they exist in some undiscovered country, where no traveler returns.
I’ve reached the point where I am completely tired of anything online yet still too afraid to go out and mingle and socialize as I’ve been invited to. COVID still very much alive (office outbreaks and at my kids school) I’m in a weird transition point and my headspace is not good. Hate where I am and too freaked to pretend the pandemic is over and live like it’s 2019 again. Waiting for the sun and beach days where I’m happiest.