I'm pretty sure I'm from some other time. I feel a tad discombobulated in this reality. I think I met a fellow time traveler but she's married now, so I should really just go back in time to try and woo her...but somehow I don't know how to do that.
I confess, I find it difficult to understand why some types of grief are considered to be socially acceptable and therefore supported, but others are not. It’s as if as a society we’ve arbitrarily decided that the only acceptable grief is if someone you love has died. If that’s the case you’re socially allowed to be sad and to take time to recover, etc. People offer support, at least for a while. But there are so many other major losses that affect people! Like losing a beloved pet. Or losing a career. Or experiencing a major disability that causes a loss or a partial loss of one of your senses. Or losing an important relationship with someone you deeply loved, and not by choice. Losing your home is also a huge deal. But somehow the only people that are truly given the compassion for a loss in our society are those whose loved one has died. The rest of us are just given a “oh that sucks” pat on the back and expected to get on with it. But what if you’ve experienced every single one of these losses within a few years and you’re just not able to cope anymore? Does anyone care? Apparently not.
Once upon a time they cared about their community, volunteered, engaged with others, gave to the less fortunate. Now they're angry, resentful, isolated, addicted to conservative YouTube podcasts, think the world is against them, only give to extreme conservative causes. Don't know who they are anymore.
My uncle George took me for walks when I was in my childhood. He almost got stung by a bee and got mad at it. Then many years later, I moved to East Vancouver, and my uncle George came to visit us from Montreal. We went for a walk to McDonald’s on Main Street and he saw another bee. He thought it was the same bee that remembers him and I was like say whaaaaat?” The guy smoked fields of weed right up until the last breath of his life. I loved him and still do. Rest in peace my dear WoWo.
Most of the others hate nights but not me. No management, slower and usually consistent pace, lots less traffic to and from. But trying to hook up isn't easy. Who wants to go for breakfast instead of dinner? And day drinking isn't cool.
I enjoy people but find that I enjoy doing stuff alone much more. Hiking, seeing concerts, I want to devote 100% of my attention to these things. I feel bad for excluding people when they want to join. “Sorry I want to be alone and enjoy this thing purely for me” is just rude. I feel pressure to group socialize but I go farther by myself. I guess there has a time and place to group socialize like for after work drinks. When I’m with others, I get preoccupied with whether they’re having a good time or not, whether I’m being funny enough, open enough, etc …… so I’d rather just be with the trees or music and exist peacefully without any demands.
Every day I am reminded how temporary my life is. The roof over my head, my job, the car I drive, my meagre savings, the food in my fridge, the people in my life. All could be gone instantly. I admit I would like some permanence in my life. Some semblance of stability. Though I must remember, in the end none of us gets out of this alive. I can take nothing with me except perhaps what life meant to me. I wish I knew. And what if I don’t figure it out at the end - Will I have to come back? I don’t want to do this again.
My spouse is having an affair with a co-worker 25yrs younger than him. Decades ago we both had our pick of mates. We chose each other and I just don’t know why anymore. I’m too wise and zen now to care about his void he cannot fill. I don’t really care about what’s going on, it’s not about me. But I want to warn young women out there , don’t get involved with men in midlife crisis. You’re hurting yourself and why? Learn to love yourselves so you don’t have to find yourself in this kind of desperate relationshituation. You may have been told some kind of back-story, but what you are doing is wrong. Check-in with yourself, be kind to yourself and others. Two wrongs don’t make a right partnership.
We are supposed to get through every year with 2 weeks of holiday. Im the only one at my job that knows certain tasks. I KNOW 100% that i will not be allowed to take two weeks at once. I do not consider one week off as a holiday. I REALIZE that two weeks is standard. I know that some people get less or none at all. But can we please aim higher instead of always comparing ourselves with others? My boomer mom is all:
wElL iN jApAn tHeY wOrK 70 hOuR wEeks!!!
Yeah well suicide and death by stress is common there. Great example ma. Also, she never had to work until her adult life. So she is obviously an expert on the modern workplace.
Oh well. If i just wait FIVE FUCKING YEARS i get another week of holiday. Fuck
Most parents have likely been guilty of this at one time or another. Congratulating ourselves on doing a much better job as parents than our own parents did with us. Patting ourselves on the back as we assume that we did it purely on our own. But as I’ve grown old and have watched my own children raise my several grandchildren, it’s occurred to me that my parents didn’t do such a bad job after all. Without their teaching I wouldn’t have had some of the skills I did to raise my own kids. I learned far more positive things from them than I gave them credit for. Yes, they made mistakes and they weren’t perfect, just as I made mistakes with my own parenting. But obviously if they raised good people then they did something right. So now, instead of blaming my parents for everything that went wrong in my life, I’m thanking them for all of the good things they did and acknowledging that they tried their best when raising me and my siblings. I raised some good people too, in spite of the mistakes I made while I was young and not as wise. So well done to all of us who tried our best!