It's a long time male-female friendship. Do I tell him how I feel and possibly implode the best friendship I've ever had in my life? I honestly don't know what to do here. It feels exhausting.
We go way back almost a decade. And now that she’s leaving, I feel like I have fallen into the trap of attachment. She was not my girlfriend, never was and never will be. I don’t mean to be too attached. But the connection we had felt like something truly special. It was this deep sacred feeling that cannot be replicated or reproduced. It can’t be explained. Although I respect her decision to leave the beautiful Pacific Northwest, I know I’ll miss her forever. I never got to ask why she’s taking off, but I know it had certainly nothing to do with me. It’s this lousy housing crunch. The atrocities of housing here is driving everybody out. It sure won’t be the same without her. I wonder if I’m blowing this out of proportion? Wish I could stop crying, but I cant.
I confess I am perplexed over the ever growing lack of bipartisanship in our governments. It seems to have become fashionable to declare the other parties 'the enemy' and refuse to work together on behalf of your constituents who duly elected you. As a democratically elected official it is your constitutional duty to work across the aisle wherever that aisle may be whether in property stratas, municipal, provincial and federal governments. Get it together and do your job as it was intended to be done and quit wasting tax payer's time and money!
I haven’t been able to sleep undisturbed for an entire night in so long I can’t remember. Every single night I’m woken up multiple times by the noisy people in my building or by some random person outside of it. It’s really hard for me to go back to sleep when I’m woken up at certain stages of the sleep cycle, so I’m left laying awake for hours sometimes. People are so inconsiderate! Dragging furniture around at 2 am, slamming doors, sitting outside the building in a car with the music pounding, you name it. I’m so tired.
I still have no idea how to react if I saw her again. In no other aspect of my life so I feel this kind of confliction. Angry, excited, dismissive, honest, curt... I have no clue what reaction is right. I might simply turn and flee.
A dark season. I welcome the heavy rains to reflect what it feels like on the inside. It’s hard to keep it in, let the feelings flow past like fish in a stream they say. But I am drowning. Tired of treading. I hear about renters forced out of town, employers struggling to keep staff. What is to become of us. Long commutes are inefficient. I hear talk of how Montreal regulates rent fairly and wonder if such a thing could exist here.
Misunderstood, the feeling as I walk day to day.
It’s lingering around my heart,
My anger is misunderstood,
my sadness is misunderstood, my happiness is misunderstood.
I long for the days, the hours, the seconds when I am. When I am understood for my anger, my sadness and my happiness. The pain I carry is wearing on my heart. My heart feels pains for others.
My eyes see the pain for others. My Brian sorts out the pain of others.
I understand the pain of others.
The same thought lingers
every day every hour
every second “So Why can’t I be understood.”
Men and women are both largely single, childless, and try to attain impossible relationships (must be 6' tall, wealthy, or super attractive, etc.)
I am starting to believe marrying at 15 was a better approach. Nothing was overly thought-out to these extreme and impossible standards that we have today. You could get unlucky, but if they are not a sheer idiot or loser, it is better than being single for the rest of your life, isn't it?
But being kicked one too many times by life has made me want to hide away. Every once in a while I get glimpses of the person I used to be, but more often than not she’s not visible at all. I’m mostly okay with my quiet life, but I also find myself being occasionally longing for that feeling again where anything was possible and nothing could stop me.
I believe it is wrong, but I find myself in relationships with two different, wonderful women. So far, I have been able to juggle availability, but it cannot go on this way. I can't make up my mind. They are both so special. We haven't committed to exclusivity, but it is not unreasonable to assume they believe we are exclusive. I don't need readers to beat me up here. Some helpful suggestions would be helpful.