It's been decades and decades since things opened up on Sundays. Yes, almost everything but essential services and entertainment venues used to be closed. There was a societal sense that the one day was meant for relaxing, family time, home time or whatever. All these years later, even after working Sunday shifts all through my career, it still feels inappropriate somehow when I get a phone call or email about business on a Sunday. (Retired, but still working PT from home). I kindly reply as needed, but hey...
and I don't know what to do about it.
I don't even do any of this non-essential stuff that unvaccinated people won't be able to do as of September 13.
The pandemic has forced people to stay apart. Not gather. So like everyone else, I went online. Been doing it for 18 months now. And I’m sick of it. I have logged out of The Apps. Don’t care about the Likes. Don’t get anything out of looking at people’s uploads anymore. I’ve spent more time in the forest, by the water, cooking, at the farms. Sunrises and sunsets give me bliss amd peace. Crickets chirping in the night. While I feel uncertain about what the fall and winter may bring, I will do my best to not hold my phone through another round of the pandemic. It was a good crutch but it has been ultimately unsatisfying.
My wife and I have been having a relationship problem for some time. Don't want to go into the roots and causes of these problems but recently she said that I had the best wife ever and I didn't appreciate this. Well, the truth is that she was a great organizer of life at home, cooking and taking good care of everybody around and that was true. What I was missing was a sex life. For the past 5 years or so, our marriage has become sexless. Whatever one cal call "having sex" was my initiative only with no support from her side and still we experienced this physical sensation of relief when the sexual act was over. But bodily sensation of ejaculation is not really sex, is it? Of course no! Should I have agreed for that situation going on, live sexless life, and treated all the things the way they were and still to call our marriage a good one?
I know this is ironic (writing this from a phone), but I would love to ditch mine for less tech. I just feel so disheartened these days with everyone ripping into everyone, Ontario saying more locjdowns on top of vax passports etc.
Is it possible? Can one de-tech?
Oh, I wanted it ever since I first saw it. Like I really WANTED it. I needed it. But growing up in a conservative christian family I wasn't allowed a Nintendo or any video game system. So I dreamed about it for years. Now 30 or so years later I could buy a Nintendo I guess. I could get the toy guns, plug it all in and play. But it wouldn't be the same, would it? That time is lost. Maybe it didn't change, but everything else did. Those ducks are pretty pixelated looking now. And I've changed a bit too. Can a 38 year old vegan enjoy duck hunter? I think I'll leave the truth unexplored.
but i'll carry on. just exhausted. seeking to understand others all the while being very misunderstood, it feels like too much work these days. i don't know how people have the energy to date as they do with frequency? i suppose one summer i did that, i've had small bursts of that, but lately i don't want to see anyone at all. for example, the people i matched with online last year and had months of conversation with, i suddenly don't feel inclined to go on a date when they ask me, when in fact, i should. i wanted to!
why does it feel so bothersome now? even the person that i missed so much, in the impossible chance they asked i might say yes and meet them out of mania, and then see myself walking home deciding to never see them again because i feel so numb. the act of dating draws all of my energy out of me. i think i'm depressed. financial stress will tear you apart inside out, so i'm learning. it will eat your romance and all of your desire. i am content spending time with friends, anything that isn't intimate. but a life without romance, even just the romance within you, is a sad one.
For the last bunch of years our marriage has become relatively sexless. I’ve compensated by becoming addicted to porn. Not real porn, but posting photos of myself naked. Real nudes but not usually sexual. They’re actually quite popular. Go figure! I’m closer to 60 than 50, never work out, nothing special down there, but I do have an eye for the scene. It’s really nice to feel desired and appreciated. My wife would be appalled if she knew but I suspect she’d also be jealous and possessive if she read the responses.
Before my wife left for the old country she said she wanted a divorce when she came back. I was devastated. She is coming back now and I have enjoyed being alone and now I'm looking forward to being divorced and being alone again. Yes I know much of the fault for her wanting a divorce is on me but to be honest she will be better off without me.