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Confessions Search Bar Magic 8-Ball

Sometimes I search this site for an old confession and the searches 'stick'. I'm sure why that happens and at first I assumed it was just my computer but I've occasionally come across other peoples searches too. So now I keep searching your name because if it sticks, well I mean, that's kinda like fate, sort of.

Familial isolation

I have always been the black sheep of my family. Growing up, I was sensitive, artistic, and prone to experiencing the world emotionally. My older brother, a hyperactive jock, was treated like a king, who in turn treated me like utter shit. When he wasn't mocking me, teasing me, belittling me (all with my parents' head turned the other way, imploring me to get a sense of humour) he completely ignored me. I mean, he'd walk into a room that I was in, and he wouldn't even greet me. My mother seemed to delight in calling me "mentally ill" and implored me to get medication, saying "This is a genetic thing, it's not your fault, you just need pills for this." I moved out at 18. I recently went through a horrific breakup from a terrible relationship. It was fraught with lies, abuse, dysfunction, and instability. I am lucky in that I managed to find the means to just get rid of this person, even though I am now a shell of my former self. My family cannot and will not find empathy or support for me. I tried to tell my younger sister on one occasion, prior to his being kicked out, that he was choking me; she blocked me from her cell phone, claiming I was "drunk" and "sick of hearing this shit." My parents are dumbfounded over how I could be so upset after this situation; they don't have a clue how to be supportive or loving. I am a 42-year old woman who wasted 4 years of her life with an abusive asshole, and is now alone and pretty broken. I am obsessed with the fantasy of a mother who will just take me into her arms and tell me she loves me, I'm good, I'm okay, it'll all work out...never, never, NEVER will this ever happen. Never has this ever happened. Do we all fantasize about the loving, maternal embrace in times of absolute sorrow? I've tried to come to them with my honesty and my pain and they want no part of it. They wonder why I can't just "get over it." Or, as my mother said in a text when I was telling her of how much I was hurting, "Umm....don't want to hear his name anymore. Just sayin'." That is verbatim. My brother went through a divorce and you can best believe my parents were rooting for him, calling his wife awful names, wishing her dead, helping him out with legal documents, blocking her on social media, and so forth. They all vacation together while I am left out (and can't afford it), they have lived in a suburban bubble for their entire lives (I most certainly have not) and I can't help but think that they just don't give a shit. This is a real thing, people. Families who isolate family members. If anyone here has a similar experience, please share. This is the most painful thing I've ever gone through and only my cat--who depends on me for her survival--is making me stick around.

Forgive and then goodbye

There are some people who've hurt me in the past. I was bitter but now I've learned to let it go and simply forgive them. Just because you forgive someone that doesn't mean you have to associate with that person. I don't wish to stay in contact with any of those people who've hurt me. I guess the best thing to do in a situation like this is to forgive, wish that person all the best then go your separate ways. Amen.

Complex & Needy

So long as I've slept well, I've eaten, have had recharging friendship interactions, a future, paid, have juice in the fridge, and I'm satisfied: I'm an OK human.

Done with Disneyland

I've been to Disneyland twice in my life and haven't gone back since. The first time there was okay. But the second time? Not so good. All I saw were a bunch of angry people standing in line ups at the fast pass lane. Stroller after stroller of kids screaming and crying for their Mickey Mouse toys. I even witnessed a grown man throwing a temper tantrum all because he couldn't get a picture with Minnie Mouse. I feel more sorry for those guys that have to walk around in those damn overheated costumes. As far as Mickey is concerned, he went from being a highly talented actor in the cartoon world to a corporate bullshit media symbol. Happiest place on earth? Yeah right, more like the most stressful place on earth. Good riddance.

A Reflection

Sometimes looking in the mirror of my local gym, I observe the awkward bodies of those fat and those slim, and I think to myself how lucky they are, to see someone like me who progressed so very far, someone like me with the muscles, the looks and the face, to be honest membership should be free in my case, I always remember to wipe the equipment down, I'm basically the most courteous person in town, And I'm humble and smart and I smell pretty good, So it boggles the mind, as clearly it should, Why you married someone else and rejected me!?!? Shit, I'd marry me if I could.

Listen

Just because you're relatives are cops doesn't mean you get to project your mental illness on me. Move on. You were a jerk when you were younger, and obviously still are. The only difference now, you don't get to lie about me to make yourself seem like a do gooder vigilante. This may sound harsh to you, but you were an ass. You know it. So don't push me, I'll be happy to tell everyone what shitty things you did to your own family members.

Brown Boy

I am a brown boy living in downtown and whenever I meet people specially Girls, they do not respond to me nicely but when I say 'I live in downtown' in conversation, their behavior change and they suddenly become nice. I think its little bit of racism involved or not.Only those People or girls know.

Current femsplain

Just to follow-up, I am in lesbian who typically uses the term femsplain to my partner. Femsplaining is a thing too. Trust me.

Single

I'm 42, and been single for awhile. It's very hard in my culture and with societal pressure as a woman. I don't want sex or anything casual and refrained from it as I can't do fwb. I'm frustrated with even trying. I don't want an arranged marriage. Think I'm too old now..... I'm petite, slim, have a career, don't want to be attached at the hip to a guy like so many women. I seem to only get hit on by people not from here. I feel like I'm hideous despite people saying I'm nice, attractive etc. As a result, I've been single for years. I don't want kids, and I'm okay with not being married, but tough to find an attractive, compatible person that is kind and wanting a ltr. I really miss being held, and just touched though in a non sexual way. I'm not sure how to deal with that though. I feel like such a loser, and am made to feel that way especially by others that are east Indian. I'm actually considering a male escort, and feel embarrassed saying that aloud Just to be held, and told nice things. I don't even know how or where I'd do that especially being broke. So pathetic reading that aloud.....I read about people renting others in Japan as fake family, fake partners etc. recently and thought that was heartbreaking, but I think it's just how disconnected people are. We all crave love and connection. I could settle like many women, but don't think that's fair to a guy, but if the guy could sleep with anyone else, but me, would that be OK? Please refrain from troll like comments. I really need some advice, and can't go to anyone to talk about this.

If only

What we need is someone like Michael Moore who's not afraid to expose all the corruption that goes on, not just in Vancouver but the rest of BC.

Only in Surrey

I was reading the newspaper and found out that so far two more politicians resigned from city council besides the mayor. Good grief...what the fuck is going on in Surrey? Something very fishy is cooking up behind the scenes at city hall and it sure as hell doesn't smell too good. I have a feeling that this year's municipal election is not gonna be a pretty sight.

The Increasing Gap Between the Wealthy and the Poor

My parents were middle class, they could afford a house, with a backyard, a car and even go on an occasional holiday. I have two undergraduate degrees and a masters degree and I realize now that I’ll never own a house in my lifetime. I’d be happy with a small house, the opportunity to have a chocolate lab and a garage where I could tinker with my car without worrying about condominium strata bylaws. When I walk downtown I see people who are really struggling and all around are these million dollar apartments. They remind me of wealthy people living in the clouds away from all the noise and garbage in the city. There is this increasing gap between the wealthy and the working poor. I wonder how long this will continue until people have had enough? Perhaps, it won’t happen in my lifetime, but at some point I believe there is going to be some kind of uprising.

I love Vancouver!!!!!!

I don't need to own a house. The mountains, forests, beaches, waves, year round outdoor recreation, mild climate, great local food and drink, and cheap flights to Hawaii trump the waste land that East of Boundary Road.

Take # 627

I feel like the least photogenic person on the planet. I can take 100 pictures and look weird in all of them. But when I look in the mirror, I think I look fine. I don't get it.

I SAW YOU

Sunday Night Splendour - You passed me...

You came up to me on Sunday night at Splendour, asked me if I had a husband and then went to the...

SAVAGE LOVE

Savage Love: My massage made me #metoo myself

"She was working on my thigh, but it felt like I was getting my balls caressed."