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coastal

it's really frustrating when you do the responsible thing and 'reach out' - only to find that unless you're actively using, harming, drinking, delusional or planning on offing yourself, coastal health doesn't seem to have bupkes for you. i wouldn't mind if it wasn't for all the bullshit about how you should seek help BEFORE you get into that zone. admit that there is none till you're there, and i'll cross 'rage disorder' off the list of things that i guess i'll just keep on keeping on with alone.

Drunk showers -

it’s a thing. Well, so I found out (for the first time) a few weeks back. The thing is, I’ve never been that insanely drunk before. I have to admit, I was always a casual drinker. A few weeks ago, I went out with classmates to celebrate the end of our health science bachelor’s and we all had a few too many (hah, ironic, I know). I didn’t black out, as most millennials tend to do when they go overboard with the drinking, so I remembered my night. One thing I remembered in particular: my shower at 3am. I remember sitting there, in the warmest shower I’ve ever had, eating my twenty piece chicken nuggets and drinking my iced coffee from McDonald’s. I confess that this was probably my favourite shower ever. Now I don’t know if that’s sad or just embarrassing...but it feels good to get that little thing off my mind (even though that shower pops in my head at random times).

Yoga teacher dom fantasy

Sometimes I imagine my yoga teacher is my dom... it’s very motivating to follow instructions when I’m in a submissive mindset. I think I get a better workout.

No Good Time

I found out I can't have children six months ago. I still haven't told my husband. It would really upset him because he wants to be a dad. Every time I am going to tell him its just never the right time. I am scared he's going to leave me if I tell him.

Its You

I have a few friends that are women and they often complain to me about not being able to meet a guy. I tell them straight up that they're good looking and not crazy so they really have nobody to blame but themselves. Not hard meeting guys when you're good looking. I mean they get asked out at least twice a day. How hard is it to show up at some event with one of your girlfriends like a super-car trade-show show or a Rolex trade show or something. There are a lot of single eligible bachelors at these types of events. They just have to show up and give their numbers to someone they find attractive and nice. Do that enough times and you'll have a boyfriend. I told them they need to lower their standards or else they're going to end up alone. The clocks ticking and when they turn 30 the guys they rejected at 25 will start to look good and at 35 the guys they rejected at 30 will look really good. Some other women sometimes tell me I am being mean but I am not going to tell people the world is all sugar and spice and that everything will work out because that's not reality. Some people end up alone and that's just a fact. Sometimes the truth hurts but its my duty to not sugarcoat reality for these women.

Moving to America

It is actually nothing like what I thought it’d be. Everyone is friendly... unlike Vancouver and Toronto. People smile, flirt, and are talkative. What’s going on with Canada?

I finally figured out what to put in my will

I'm single with no kids. I've worked hard my whole life. I've never been given anything by anyone who is still alive. Everything I have, I earned. In my will, I will stipulate that my properties will be sold, my collections liquidated, my investments cashed out. All that money shall be collected and then burned.

Days Off

The more time I get off work, the less time I want to spend there.

Siblings

I love my siblings but they have the power to drive me out of my mind and have done so successfully in the past. Sometimes, I can be reduced to a semi-tearful angry frustrated mess on the phone or even by email depending on what my brother or sister may say to me, and it takes me hours to recover. I always feel that they are unjustly critical or have out me down in some way but it usually involves some complicated family dynamic that should never be triggered. It is exhausting. For example as a single parent, my marriage on the rocks, I struggled to survive on approximately one thousand dollars per month of earnings and my sister remarked that I should try to save money and bought me the book The Wealthy Barber. At the time she and her husband both earned upwards of $45,000 per year each had a near new vehicle in the two car garage of their 3 bedroom bungalow home in a suburb and they owned a time share in Mexico not to mention that their friends were horse owners and took them on trips for competitions, etc all the fringe benefits of being in that social circle. Meanwhile I was living on this low income in subsidized housing and she looked down her nose at me and advised me not to use disposal diapers despite my exema and my full time work schedule with a baby. She told me disposable diapers were bad for the planet and really took me to task on that. Meanwhile take a look at her carbon footprint right? Anyway she had her say and I decided to leave that city for a new home where I never had to talk with her or people like her again, and it has worked out fine. She never once in four years spent time with my child despite the blood relationship, has no kids of her own, and drinks far too much anyway. Good luck to her.

On ghosting

Ghosting may be rude, but it's sometimes necessary. Gavin de Becker, who provides security to celebrities and politicians, writes in his book "The Gift of Fear" that if you reject somebody, and they don't accept the rejection, then ghosting is the safest thing to do. Then they can't argue with you about why you owe them a date or a relationship. Some people can take rejection gracefully. Those are the people who find ghosting to be unnecessary and rude. They are not aware that there exist people who can't handle rejection. And then - here's the kicker - there are people who can't get others to respect their boundaries unless they flip over tables, wave their fists, and yell and scream and scare everybody. I am one of them. You know the type - I was singled out for bullying on the first day of high school, and it didn't stop until the last day. People don't stop hurting me when I say no. It's as if they can't hear me. I have to be rude just to be heard. So if the world is kind to you, good for you. It's not kind to me. Just because everybody deserves respect and kindness doesn't mean that everybody will receive it. The world is unfair like that. Some people need to ghost to have their wishes respected, while some don't.

I SAW YOU

At whole foods Cambie in line

I saw you and we chatted after you knocked over the shelf as we were in line. Then we chatted...

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