Confessions

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Raised by wolves?

Dear future husband, I hope that you will understand why you will not meet my family and why they will not attend our wedding. My father emotionally disowned me when I was very young. Nothing I did could win his love. My mother expects me to be single and lonely forever. She already uninvited herself from my future hypothetical wedding. It took a long time for me to put the pieces together and realize that I had to get away from her just to be able to go on dates. My sister only consents to interactions with me when they are on her terms, that is, only when she wants something from me. I hope you understand how hard I've had to fight to get my autonomy so that I can live my life as an adult and do things that normal adults do.

Sixteen

All he wants to do is stay up late and eat junk food. He doesn't want to spend time with the rest of the family, brush his teeth or clean up after himself. I don't think this will change any time soon, because my 16-year old is a cat.

Ding

Does a bell ring at the moment of realization? Sometimes. Was talking to a friend who just got back from Oregon (we had lunch there a couple of weeks ago). I asked her if my thinking was old-fashioned or Old World. She's been to Europe more than I have in the last few years. She said it was Old World... Funny, that. At the end of the last relationship that really hurt me, the woman said we are not a good fit. And only now do I get just how plural that "we" is. This is not my place. These are not my people. Despite decades of living here, I will always be a bad fit for North America. Stop trying, let go and leave as soon as feasible. Maybe in the next crash when everything is melting. That's only a couple of years. I'll raise capital, learn another language, rent a place far away. Yeah. Hope beats despair. Better days will come.

Nic fix

It’s been over 10 years since I quit smoking and I still have the occasional smoke in my dreams. I don’t miss the wheezing, while going up stairs or running; however, there are times that I wish I could just have one more for old times sake. With that all said I am so happy I am no longer addicted to nicotine that I will never allow that monkey on my back again. Here’s to smashing your addictions instead of letting them rule you.

Feeling depressed by proxy

Someone I love was hurt by someone else I love, and the only solution for this to be mended is if the latter would just do a face to face apology instead of an insincere text. It may not seem like such a big difference, but technology is cold.

I Don't Do Rejection Well

Apparently. I go full Dr. Jekyll Mr. Hyde. Sorry for being an asshole. It comes in tides and it's probably not the last, but I feel shitty about it anyway.

Fuck porn

I've watched so much porn its given me a false view of sex & women, unrealistic & face it, middle aged dude like myself watching it, well the thought about it is plain creepy & no women would want to with a guy like me.....fuck

God Help Me x2

Yesterday was a bad day. Today was kinda good but bad as well. I got my phone working again. My truck isn't worth fixing, so I've been scrambling on how to get a new vehicle fast. I was up visiting my rich big brother the other day, and he told me if I ever needed him, no matter what it is, I could come to him for help. So I did just that today. Now my big brother he can be quite generous with people. This one guy that worked for his company, got into him for like a $100, 000 and never bothered to try and pay him back. My brother didn't bother to even subtract any of it from the guy's wages he pays him. This guy would also laugh and mock him behind his back too, as many others do. So anyways, I go to my big brother whom I love (I would fight, die, and kill if I had to for my big brother) to see if I could work out a loan with him for a new vehicle. $1000 a month for 10 months. Chump change to him. Money that he's been known to carry around in his pocket. My brother's answer... basically tells me to fuck off. Gee thanks bro, I love you too. I'll die before I ever ask him for anything again. And I can tell you, if he ever finds himself in a pickle and needs my help, I'm going to make sure he remembers this day.

Not click bait

Tom Jones and Janis Joplin doing Raise your hand is beautiful and real....it makes me happy.

The Girl I Miss

seems to have become trapped inside a microwaved version of herself, all bloated and bubbling. Loss, repulsion, sadness, cruelty, regret. Feeling too many things at once.

Agreed. $75 for food a week is easy. I do $20-30

The trick is eating a balanced meal where you prepare the ingredients yourself. You do not have to buy bulk but you should buy your staples at the larger discount super markets to save money, such as every variety of beans and rice on the planet. You do not have to go to your trendy boutique corner grocery market that is hipsterville and trashy busy on the weekend. You can even afford to eat meat a couple of times a week. Just look for what is on sale. Finally, if you cut out that vegan yuppie gluten free diet fad stuff and eat a regular diet, it is very affordable. I once saw a yuppie lady buy gallon containers of yoghurt and organic berries with her yuppie food. I thought that was kind of obsessive compulsive. Just stay away from fast food shit food. It's gotten expensive too, somehow. What a lame economy and government we have.

All's not fair

You know how sometimes in relationships, something is said that is just too far over the line to ever go back? So that even if you still have intense love for that person, what they said hurt you so deeply that you just can't get past it? Yeah, so that happened. It's true, I still love him beyond any rationality, but he said it and it was the death blow for sure.

I'll be honest...

I get an immense feeling of self satisfaction when I hear a couple I know have split. I used to wonder why I feel that way... I have been through my share of heartache and know how much it sucks. I just smirk and hear Nelson Muntz in my head.

Blue jeep guy

I left for California I need a job I have 300 that's it minus gas which is 90%. I can't keep arguing with you I need to fix myself sorry

Still a mother

Lost my children before they were born. Happened 5 times. My husband left eventually to find someone who could give him kids. I am grieving even though society does not allow it, people actually asked me today, how far along I was. Because I was only allowed to grieve if it was past a certain point. I ignored the question. I still grieve. It is still a loss. Be compassionate people. Do not ask inappropriate questions. Be kind. No one said sorry for your loss.

I SAW YOU

Savanna

I couldn't sleep so I went online for a few hands. I wasn't expecting you... We talked...