Search confessions

Goddamn hook ups

I moved back to Vancouver a year ago and have been frequently hooking up with a friend-of-a-friend for a couple months. I came out of a long term relationship ages ago but haven't done the casual dating or hooking up thing in a while and I mentioned to him that I had some trepidation. He told me that he values transparency and only sees one person at a time for extended periods of time because it gets too complex. Surprise surprise, I just found out that when we started hooking up, his recent 'official' girlfriend had just left on a girls vacation, and since she's come back he's been dating her and fucking me. Christ, can I pick 'em or what?

Advice for Men

I am a married man and my advice to young men after seeing divorce for most of my friends is as following: 1) When selecting a woman make sure she has a job, education, and strong work ethic. 2) Looks are not the most important thing. Go for a 7 with a good personality over the 9 who has no personality. 3) Make sure the woman knows how to cook. 4) Watch what she puts in her body. A woman in her 20's can eat like a pig and still look good but when she hits her 30's and 40's there is a very good chance she will be obese. 5) If a woman has only male friends. That's a giant red flag. 6) If a woman tells you she is crazy she probably is. 7) If a woman tells you she has cheated on a partner in the past avoid her. Chances are she will do it again. 10) Make sure she knows how to save money and not spend money frivolously. 11) Make sure she doesn't do drugs or drink excessively. I think if more men listened to my advice they wouldn't be divorced and living in their car eating cans of beans for dinner every night.


I've never felt attractive in my life. I can't imagine what that would even be like.


What do you do when you have no purpose, meaning or connection? When all you have known is pain and struggle, and nothing improves? When you ve only wanted to be healthy and happy, and help others, but continue to deteriorate and doctors and treatments not helping? Ive tried countless medications, treatments, and some issues the doctors are perplexed by and can't diagnose despite tests indicating otherwise. To not feel connected to anyone or anything, yet so desperately wanting to feel understood for the pain you endure from mental, and physical health issues, but appear "normal" from the outside while barely surviving, and struggling with finding any reason to keep going... Yes I've been in counseling for years and still am, tried countless meds, and treatments for depression, PTSD, and OCD. Treatment resistant depression is extremely difficult to treat. My other chronic issues and pain are difficult and doctors have been useless... Though I still go. Despite falling seriously physically ill due to grave medical mistakes and my life being jeopardized twice.... Hate doctors. Believe your patients, I nearly paid the price, and honestly wish I did pass. To know I'll never find love again because who would want to be with someone so sick. Though there are the rare men that love women in spite of that and I've had that once, but many years ago. people close to me say you have the most awful luck, and im tired of trying to be strong. There are many of us that look able bodied from the outside, that put on a facade to hide at work, with friends that just don't get it.... the fact we are drowning and are dealing with obstacles that would break anyone.... Be kind, be open, listen, and be empathetic. There are so many of us that deal with intolerable suffering. I look at humanity, and wonder why, why do so many others that are good people struggle so much while such horrible people flourish and have everything and take life for granted, their health, their partners, friends, and the great lives they do have. I would give anything to not have a broken mind and body, to feel joy, have a partner, work ft and just have normalcy, and regular things.

I hate my partner

My partner is a narssastic bully. We never talk about anything but how fantastic he is. I'm desperately lonely and counting the days until I can escape. I have dreams of my own home where I will be free from his cruelty and constant demands. I hate him so much that some times I'm afraid I will blurt it out. Meanwhile everyone thinks my life is fine... even if my partner is a bit of a jerk.

Forget it

How many times have I forgiven you , for what ? See there was a time you had my heart to do right with . You chose to shit kicked it to a point of no return . So if that's what you were going for , well shit girl nicely done . So this is my new reality , love is a goof that makes you stupid and weak . Why love another when you can simply have them and go . I confess this . I will never chase love again it hurts too much . Now I only intend to fill my selfish sexual needs .

It's not an illusion

It never was. I wish he could see that he got it right all along, that it was and is mutual, that we feel the same way. I wish he'd stop giving up, stop relying on anonymous crap, say fuck you to playing it safe and being stealthy and reach out. I wish he'd remember that he called the shots first and get that he has to make the first move. I wish he knew I've been waiting because I know how he feels. I wish he knew that there can never be anyone else. I wish he'd take one chance. Just one.

Some like it hot

I hate electric stovetops. I hope I never have to live with cooking on one for the rest of my life. Once you switch to a gas stove there is no turning back.


3 years ago. I miss the people I worked with but not working.

Just answer the feckin question!

I asked him to leave me a message to let me know if he wanted an item I’m giving away. I gave him the number to call. Typically, he instead called the other number, and didn’t answer the question at all. Just said that he had called. I say typically, because it was this type of manipulative behaviour that was one of the reasons I couldn’t take it anymore. Never answered a direct question, never did anything the way someone else wanted him to (he has to be in control of everything, all the time), constantly tried to “train” me as if I was a pet of some kind. Exhausting to deal with and ain’t nobody got time for that!

picture perfect

i know when others see me they think I have a perfect life. everything looks perfect. my smile, my attitude, my ability to conquer it all. i feel so lonely sometimes on the inside. they just don't know. they just don't get it. how difficult it is to strive for perfection.

The Purge

I had a epiphany today that down deep Americans hate one another. That's why they are so obsessed with guns. They're preparing to wipe one another out. If you spend any time there they have an air of hostility when they communicate. The reason the country is so divided? They just hate one other. If one political won that country 100% the party would quickly turn into factions and start to war with one another. I have to assume they hate one another because down deep they know the culture is just plain ugly. Even with all the great inventions some how they reduce everything down to mostly economics and then impose those "values" on the world under the guise of democracy. On the surface it's American pride but down deep they hate themselves and therefore each other. Seriously, that sh!t's a time bomb.

so disgusting

I'm a really ugly girl and it's so hard. I just want to scream and rip all my skin off. I know guys care a lot about looks, and none of them will ever want me. Even if I do date a guy, he will just constantly hate me and think he deserves someone better than me. It's more than just guys though. I can never go help people in my life because if I try they will just be upset by how disgusting I am. I won't ever get hired, and people won't like me, because of the halo effect. God.

Job search and destroy (yourself)

I've been looking for a job for months. Constantly dealing with incompetent HR, owners, or whoever is tasked with bumbling through the same 5 questions used across every industry. I cant fathom how these people have jobs, let alone being the gatekeepers of people willing to work. Vancouver's work scene is the worst I've ever experienced. 20 year old company's that call themselves a Startup, Startup's that have no idea what profits look like, or tech companies that are trying to hock an outdated product. Here's hoping for a change.


They are the lowest life form of landlords. They have little regard for their tenants health or well being and only care about their "investment". They shouldn't be allowed to thrive, but like cockroaches they scuttle around the system and they don't go away. Be wary, any unsuspecting tenants. The warning signs are: accepting money without asking any questions, not filling out an inspection report or a tenancy agreement and no background checks. In a city that is desperate for vacancies on housing, these type of landlords continue to exist and tenants put themselves at risk of being taken advantage of and abused by greedy, lowlife excuses for human beings.


Eastside Flea

Crossed paths at the Eastside flea this weekend. We talked about Pink Floyd and T.rex and you...