I've been in a relationship with a trans woman for more than 2 years. She is beautiful, tall, very style-wise. She attracts a lot of attention.
Every time we go out there's countless guys who gawk at her and just stare. Well let me tell you, you just look like foxes preying over meat and it disgusts me that you can never respect. Stop staring. Yeah she's beautiful but she's not an object. I don't know if you realize how stupid men look when staring at women. Plus, many of you are married guys, strolling with wife and kids, and still can't stop staring. Just FYI, yeah more men than you'd know are into trans women, but please stop, you look ridiculous.
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I am not deeply in love with anyone. but at times when I hear this I feel it.
I go home and 'herminate'. I'll shower, burn candles, water my plants, turn on a fan, drink tea and watch anime. For some reason, I find relief not seeing human faces or hearing English. A lot of animes include rain; the pink noise is soothing. When I'm feeling slightly better I graduate myself to Korean tv. I find the culture and language endearing, comforting. Sometimes, I reacclimate to North American tv, but not often. I enjoy watching what's been filmed in Vancouver - must be the rain :)
I am finally reaching a place in life where I am unearthing the power inside of myself, rather than searching for it within what others think of me. I am almost embarrassed to say that it took years of hard work and honesty with myself to arrive at this state of mind. My biggest fear used to be rejection from friends for being too much or not enough. It became a self-fulfilling prophecy a lot of the time, as I would start behaving like an asshole and pushing people further away when I felt that they were moving forward with their lives without me. As they absolutely have the right to. Understanding that my power resides within means that I have the confidence to stand alone and feel proud of how far I’ve come and excited about working toward my goals, knowing that no matter what, I am there for me, that I can be a solid friend to those who choose to come along for the ride, and I can let go of those who wish to explore different paths.
But I love punk rock....would that make me a poomer? Or pummer? Or bunker?
Am discovering belatedly that life gets better when you learn how to prioritize.
The more I hear about what type of person my great-grandma was, the more I wonder why I was named after her. She sounds very unpleasant.
Often, I hate everyone. You all give me a plethora of reasons every day. But then I remember certain instances, like the old man who plays with a street cat in the evenings in my neighborhood. He brings his own fishing pole-like cat toy to play with her. Isn't that adorable? That balances out all the rest of you for awhile. For awhile.
Plunked in this digital age with ALL this information at my fingertips, I am finding I do not want it. These screens are making me feel sick, and I just want to go outside and breathe, talk to people.
My beleaguered brain cannot even generate the energy to browse my real passions & interests online - currently the whole internet just feels like a write-off.
I wonder about my mental health, how different it might be if I could go back to those seemingly innocuous early-internet days of the mid 90s when my dependence began, and take a different route. (and I don't even use "social media")
None of us knew the fallout of it all - but I guess we have a chance to raise our children more mindfully.