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Sweet dreams

Sometimes I wait till my husband is asleep to please myself and get a good deep sleep. It’s not that I don’t love him with all my heart but he takes awhile to come.

When I Die

They say you see the whole of your life replay before your eyes. I hope it's true. You see, when I die, I want to relive my youth, remember all of the things I've forgotten, and see again all the people I've ever loved in my life.

I confess

Ever since I was twenty or so I gave had a recurring dream about my death. As I age occasionally the dream recurs and each time I get a little more information, the dream is slightly longer. Now I get around a minute or so leading up to my death.

F#ck your ugly sweaters

I was invited to a Christmas party next weekend and I just can't. I don't understand how others can. It's not that I'm anti-joy or even anti-social I just am weighed down by all the shit going on and I feel it all so deeply. I weep so easily. My relationships are suffering and I feel mostly alone.

What’s wrong with me

I can’t move on from people, they can screw me over, steal from me, or use me and still I just want to run to them and be held and feel better. I can try to move on for months on end but the feelings always there somewhere inside and I don’t understand why, someone with any dignity would never talk to these people again, and even if I refuse to let myself talk to them I know if they reached out I’d probably go running right into the fire to get burned once again

This pandemic

has given me a mental disorder. I sit for hours and look through my hair for split ends and pull them off until my neck and back ache and my mind goes completely numb. I can’t stop.

Dog commentary

Being a dog owner,I of course take my dog on many walks. My Pug is 11. People always stop to say hi,ask how old he is etc. which is all fine. The part I don’t get is “oh,mine lived to 10,mine lived to 12,etc,etc. Yes,that’s what I want to hear on my walk. my beautiful dog only has a year or two left. Seriously.

Annoying Dream Confession

Any time I dream about my boyfriend it's super stressful but when I dream about one of my exes, it's always very sweet and positive.

Small Talk

I have been working in customer service jobs for years and one of the required skills is ability to engage in small talk. A question I get asked, sometimes multiple times a day is, "How is your day going so far"? Usually when I have just started work, and have only been awake for a couple of hours by that point; or when I'm really busy, being run off my feet and am clearly stressed out. The only real option is to cheerfully answer "it's fine thank you". Nobody wants to hear that I'm stressed out or tired. It infuriates me when I get asked this question, I guess because it is so inane and thoughtless.

Truth be told

I just learned the truth about what really happened to my childhood security blanket. Turns out it wasn’t accidentally left behind at that motel my family stayed at that night. My Mom just confessed that she told me that because that decided that 5 years old was too old for a blanket. I’m 68 and it still hurts me to know that they denied me even that comfort.


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