Search confessions

Memories and sadness

An old friend of mine passed away recently. So I went to English Bay where we all used to hang out all summer in our early teens before we all got summer jobs. Tanning, listening to Pablo Cruise and sneaking smokes and beer. 45 years later I’m on a grey deserted beach sitting on a log with all the seagulls. I cried and was nauseous from the memory overload.

Is anyone else...

Hardly working from home anymore? I feel defeated. Not a job I want not care about. This hasn’t happened since high school.

Feeling Hopeless

I am a female who is turning 32 next month. I have never had any intimate experience with a man, apart from a couple of awkward first kisses. I can’t even pinpoint exactly why things have shaped up the way they have- I am quite “normal” in all other aspects of my life (career, health, friendships etc.) apart from always being a bit on the chubbier side. Most people assume I am single by choice, but the true fact is no man has ever asked me out...I haven’t had many opportunities to meet men because I’m an introvert/not big into partying. I think it’s partly low self esteem (not putting myself out there), not knowing anything about flirting, and the fact that dating was never normalized/encouraged/talked about in my family and culture. I’ve been doing therapy which has helped a bit, but the thought of intimacy, let alone finding a husband and having kids seems unfathomable to me. I’ve been swiping on all the apps for over 4 years, and only have a few awful bad dates to show for it. I’m tired of all the ghosting, fake profiles etc. Wish I could just meet someone the old fashioned way...and that they’d be willing to take intimacy in baby steps.

Well Shit

I’m an alcoholic. There, I fucking said it.

Nightmare or Fantasy?

I dreamt that I was begging my ex to have sex with me and when he teased me with kisses and a rock hard erection but refused to remove his clothes, I reached down his pants, detached his dick and went into another room to fuck myself with it while he washed my dishes.

No friends

I have zero close friends. My BF asked me to merry him last year and I'm thankful for the pandemic as I had no one to ask to be my maid of honor. He has tons of friends so no problem picking a best man but it will be an odd wedding....

Timing Troubles

I’m falling in love with someone whose recently divorced. I’m also recently divorced and it’s scary having feelings for someone else. I’ve been told space needs to be taken. It’s so hard because we were together most nights and now I’m alone all the time again. I hope with time things work out because this one is a keeper.

Bad sibling

I have a sibling with substance issues that we had all lost touch with for twenty years. Now, at least, I have a phone number for the friend my sibling lives with because the friend has govt. housing. If not for the friend, it would mean living on the streets. As it is, this govt.housing sounds harrowing and dangerous, surrounded by drug dealers and out of control addicts. Building management seems to have abandoned ship. The last time I called, I got so stressed, I barely slept for days, worrying for them. I am already a basketcase from several major circumstances in my own life. I haven't talked to them in a while and I feel really shitty about it. And then I get mad at myself for beating myself up about this, too. I need a holiday, or maybe a three month coma.

Coping Mechanism

I call it corona now to make it sound less scary.


When we all were working in the office, one of the most senior staff offered to tell us his salary during lunch. He probably earns twice as much as the average office worker. People told him No, please don’t tell us your salary. He kept insisting. I don’t know him very well and it’s seems TMI to know his salary. Not even sure why he would try and push it into us, because what were we to say? Wow? You’re so valued and smart? Only if you want to brag and feel superior would you offer your number to coworkers you KNOW earn less than you.


Alastair, the Drive

You thought I was Alastair. My dog loved you. I'd like to get to know you?


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