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I against I

Over the course of my life, I've been gaslit to explosion, trolled, manipulated, lied to, coerced, you name it. I've been there, got the T-shirt. Still, I confess that the absolute worst mind games are the ones I play with myself.

Self-love

Lately I'm trying to love myself more. I've been doing things like sleeping, yoga, eating lots of vegetables, taking medication, no alchohol, and volunteering when I can find the time. It is helping. This specific combination of things is going well so far and I hope that even as my life changes I can keep finding things that work. I had such bad mood swings in the fall that it almost killed me. I've also tried to stop looking for other peoples validation to fill my lack of self-love. I think mostly though, it is the medication that has helped. I tried a bazillion things before and they didn't work. Trauma really fucked me up and I could never get my brain back to normal. The small amount of research on the long term affects of anti depressents freak me out though.

Life of a man

I was 29 years old before a woman other than my mom called me handsome.

Finally I am brave

I recently gained the courage to become more assertive and stop putting up with my unacceptable work situation. This week I will talk to someone important who will hopefully help me fix things and I will also ask out this guy who I've liked for awhile, but maybe next week hahaha. I am scared but I think I will do all of this. Wish me luck!

Nightmares About Work

When I start dreaming about things I need to do at work and wake up to a mess at home, I know that the stress is starting to get to me and either it's time to go on vacation or move on. The truth is I know exactly what's bothering me and what I need to do.

Take On Me

I feel like the male protagonist at the end of the video, thrashing back and forth against the door jamb, caught between the comic book world and the human world, just trying to reunite with my person.

That time of year again

So I'm very, very faired skinned with nearly white hair. I'm like that all year, but the moment summer rolls around random people suddenly feel the need to come up to me and make comments about my appearance. I just dont get it.. Tell me is that not a bit rude?! I find it very uncomfortable being suddenly looked at like some kind of specimen just because the sun is out. And quite frankly, it's just so awkward. What the hell am I supposed to say to some stranger telling me how quickly I must get burnt. "Um... yeah... thanks for telling me I didn't already know that smartass..." seriously just keep your thoughts to yourself.

Choices

I was in a very safe marriage. Big house and a good guy but there was no excitement. I felt trapped. It was a life of excess but I wasn't happy. Money doesn't buy you happiness. I met an artist and he changed my life. He had this zest for life and excitement. I left my husband to be with this man. We were poor but so happy. Everyday was a new adventure. Don't waste your life with someone who is safe spend it with someone who lights your soul on fire.

Boo Boo

I left my money on the table at the Ivanhoe when I went to the restroom. Silly me.

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