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Somehow it hurts less when.....

I have a small dick. Smaller than average. I know it isn't my fault. Sometimes a woman will say, "It's so big". That makes me feel bad because I know it isn't true. Sometimes a woman will say nothing and that makes me feel bad because I think they must be disappointed but don't want to hurt my feelings. And sometimes, a woman will say, "It's so small." and express disappointment. Somehow, that is the easiest to take. It is true.

Cell Phone Etiquette...Anyone? Anyone?

Can someone PLEASE explain to me why people use speaker phone to chat with mates in public?? I don’t care if your child had a big poop today, that your new mascara is “fab” or honey, don’t forget to get eggs on your way home. Don’t even get me started with FaceTime in public. Pfft. I think it’s rude and ridiculous the rest of society is forced to listen to your dribble. Use headphones or put the phone up to your ear for gawd sake!

Bad plan

My retirement plan is to hope that some family members or friends leave me money in their will. If not, I'll be working until I'm 100.

I give up

So I found a job and was so excited to be working again. The people at work seemed so nice and the job was interesting. But the problem comes in, they seem to be having trouble paying me. Stalling even, a bunch of Bla, bla , bla stupid excuses. The Owner seems to be doing quite well, " I'd say " and should be able to pay an employee. So why do I have to go looking for my pay, again. I did my hours, showed up on time, acted like I gave a rats ass. I was even nice and friendly to the customers. Why no pay yet? Giving you a bit more time to do whats right. You hear that? This is just a bunch of " Rigitony".

Most beautiful city in the world

Dear Vancouver, Wtf?! If it weren’t for the mountains and the ocean would anyone still live here? There is 0 culture, absolutely nothing going on. Everyone is addicted to something here, and I don’t blame them because it is a very slow, dark, uninspiring city. There are no creative outlets, and people are so consumed with status. The cost of living is FUCKED! All due to drugs and organized crime using the housing market to launder money. There is no sense of community, strangers don’t start conversations with one another, we don’t know our neighbours. The men here can’t drink at all without getting into fights. And then there’s the racism..... The food is pretty good though.

Bad Texters and "Busy" People who use dating apps

If you take 24-48 to respond to a text, from someone who you are actually interested in dating/meeting/seeing again, you suck. Honestly, you suck, you're shitty at communicating and you know it. Make all the excuses you want ("I'm a student... I work a lot... I'm busy, I'm going on a other dates") blah blah blah. How about this? If you don't have the time, space, energy, and desire to go on dates, meet people, get laid etc. - Do the rest of us a favour and stop using dating apps. You're wasting your own time and everyone else's, plus you're ruining the overall digital space we share by feeding into negative roles and behaviours that are so common to app users, online daters, and texters.

I Still Get A Laugh

When folks (mistakenly) attribute chocolate and ice cream to Laura Secord. Contrary to popular belief, she did not run a chocolate shop, but played a pivotal role in the War of 1812. Sometimes, I'll be tempted to say something ridiculous like "Oh yes, she spiked a batch of her gourmet chocolates to give American soldiers the runs so that they couldn't invade Canada!"

Winter depresses me

I hate this time of year. The short days kill me. I feel asleep at work in the mornings. Twinkly lights everywhere emphasize the black nights. The commercial Christmas pressure makes me feel empty and sad. I feel like not moving and sleeping all day. I never feel this way in the summer. Plop me barefoot on a patch of sand and let me watch the sunset at 9pm and I feel like that is the best part of the day. I’m not meant for dark, boots, heavy coats, indoor time, fluorescent lighting and Xmas jingles. If I had a spare $1000 I’d fly the fuck South. Maybe I was Cuban in my previous life.

Naughty or Nice

Going into the doctor this week for STI tests, guess I’ll find out if I’ve been naughty or nice. Then I will be sending out texts to the ex lovers for Christmas.

cereal offender

I'm a bird feeder, regularly in Stanley Park, sunflower seeds and peanuts (both shelled to eliminate litter and unsalted), to an assortment of squirrels, chickadees, and other birds. Most people who come by are appreciative but lately one passerby and a park ranger (separately) both claimed it harms birds and is prohibited by a parks bylaw. Neither is true. The Audubon Society, Cornell University Ornithology Lab and every other expert says bird feeding, if done properly, does no harm and may be helpful in this time of declining bird populations. I've also checked with the Parks Board and there is no bylaw against it. Please people, if you are going to go around telling people what to do or not to do, do some research first instead of just making things up.

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