I started to transition from male to female...but stopped, because I didn't pass...I was seen as a crossdresser or drag queen which I did not identify as....I felt more female, still on estrogen, but don't know why, I say I'm non-binary, but don't think I'm considered non-binary enough, plus I'm over 60, tall receding hairline, deep booming voice, tall, I guess I just was transitioning because I was unhappy with who I was before, I have always been kind of feminine in my mannerisms, very unattractive with my weird looking nose & buck teeth... I've always liked women, still do...I guess I'm just resigned to being a straight cis guy who loves women.
I have Netflix, but I actually prefer to watch old public domain films with a drink or two.
No family, no close friends. Have been priced out of renting in my beloved neighborhood. Where do I go? Different town, different province?
I admit my friends confound me. My friend disappeared for 3-4 years; I texted him happy birthday, Christmas, New Years messages. Nothing. Out of the blue he msg’d me. I can’t say I’m elated to hear from him. Another friend ditched me for half a year after I lost my job. Then msg’d me. I feel like these friends are only coming back because they want something. I’ve moved on because I’ve learned to live without them in my hardest times. I know ppl here will fire back at me “You’re lucky, I have no one” kind of thing. But that’s exactly it. These ppl made me feel very alone and now they present themselves before me. So much has happened and our friendship has deflated so much and I don’t feel excitement to pump it back up again.
Things haven’t been going very well at work. I’m stuck in a dead end job where the hours aren’t great and the people are shitty. The company I work for is one of those “Top 100 Employers in BC”, which is really bullshit. I have grown tired of favouritism, layers of bureaucracy and the lack of support from the Union. I’m looking to work somewhere else in the meantime and pray that something much better is waiting around the corner. Reading about how Elon Musk bought Twitter and has high functioning Autism gives me a bit of hope because if he can become hugely successful, so can I. I’m trying.
I never leave my house these days without wearing a ball cap and shades. I’d like to just keep growing my beard until no one recognizes me anymore.
I'm not a big fan of Freud, but I do enjoy watching strangers eating bananas. You can learn a lot about someone who's snacking down on one, especially if they think nobody is watching.
Even better if they're really hungry. Or angry.
My wife is sleeping with other men.
It was raining while I was waiting for the bus this morning. I wasn't standing under shelter and I forgot my umbrella at home, but it didn't matter. The air was so sweet ad fresh and I had such cute company - a sparrow sitting on the barbwire fence behind me. It was shaking its little head in the rain, singing, and gazing about. It was just mesmerizing to watch.
I confess that I really, and I mean REALLY, want to slap someone silly. There’s this woman (using that term loosely because she acts more like a 12 year old) who hangs out in a spot right beside the building I live in. I work from home, and I’m frequently on calls. This “woman” likes to take her breaks from her own workplace by hanging out about 5 feet from my bedroom / office window. Not only does she smoke, which is bad enough, but she carries on these loud conversations, and for most of the conversation she’s giggling loudly and inanely like a complete idiot. Non-stop. Every single day, several times a day. It’s become so irritating that I have begun imagining scenarios where I march outside and slap her senseless just like Will did to Chris. I realize that she’s probably talking to a guy, but are men really that stupid that they find this crap attractive? The guy says “hello” and she’s giggling coyly? Really? I’m a woman and seeing other women acting like children bugs the hell out of me. Give me strength!!!