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crustacean

I confess that I've attached myself to someone like a barnacle to a whale. It happened gradually, over time, and now I feel such a strong connection to them. I have completely and inappropriately fallen in love.

I have something to say

I can't do this on my own so I am going to get someone to help me. It's not a bad thing to ask for help every once and a while. I will prevail !

Guilty and a little bit ashamed

I live in an "adult oriented" townhouse complex where at 65, seem to be the young one on the block. Furthermore, it appears at least in the area that I live, the ratio of men to woman here is 2 to 1. So, over the last 10 years I have become the first line of inquiry when a house-hold repair problem occurs. I also shovel snow. This is not the problem, actually I enjoy the repairs: the changing of light bulbs, furnace filters, smoke detectors and such. However, because of my disposition, I insist that only my costs be refunded. This is where the problem arises. Some of the recipients too insist something. Usually a gift in the forms of alcohol, flowers (?) and baked goods. But, I do not drink alcohol, have no need of flowers and only eat foods with no preservatives. Now, I have thought about this. When I am given these "tokens of appreciation" should I refuse them or gracefully say thank you and then later discard them. I must say, in the past I did refuse some alcohol with the explanation of "I don't drink alcohol", but then the look of disappointment on that woman’s face changed me. My confession: I graciously accept these gifts and then later, with guilt, discard them.

Cataracts

Down to reading with a magnifying glass. Having to wait 5 more months for public treatment sucks when you have no extra cash for private treatment.

Slow Reader

I admit that I'm a slow reader, in both my languages. I always have been, and I've always felt guilty for being so thanks to the school system. It takes me longer to grasp passages of text than "normal" readers. That said, as I read, I hear, see, feel, taste, smell words, voices, worlds... In other words I absorb what I read as though I'm savoring vintage wine. As you read this, you're probably like, "so what?" I get you. My point is that I'm now no longer embarrassed or ashamed for being slow and taking my time -- contrary to what my teachers, peers, speed reading courses, and even parents essentially accusing me of being stupid or "suffering from a learning handicap". I hated tests for years... reading fast under pressure, and then failing miserably. It left me feeling as though I'd never make it anywhere in life, especially in the big fish eats little fish capitalist world. I refuse to give in and let myself get run down by that. It may take me forever to finish a book or to mentally sort out the newspaper article I just read, but for what it's worth... The worlds that I've visited (and in two tongues!) have added so much to and shaped me. It's just such a bummer that I had to wait to finish school, and university, and wait ten years to shake that trauma just to realize that.

I’m optimistic

Yeah, I know and please don’t get me started about where we are and where we’ve been, so on and so forth. But at this very moment in time, I’m optimistic. Just saying.

Stopping at crosswalks

So when did it become de rigueur to not stop at crosswalks? Now people just slow down a bit, and then swerve around you before you've even had a chance to finish crossing the crosswalk. Sometimes people don't even slow down. It's bloody dangerous and has to stop! I'm going to start filming cars and taking down license plates if this doesn't stop.

No right

The woman I've been having an affair with just said yes to her boyfriends proposal. I know I have no right to be upset by it but I am.

Isolation Self Conversation

It is the toughest part of the pandemic for myself, but one that I have been working on. Going out and being social is easy, coming home and re-envisioning peoples views of my interactions of them is exhausting and anxiety inducing. The amount of emails I DO NOT send now is progress. I don't text rambles, I comment less on things. But even two years later, on a good day with friends and new people I will come home curl up in and ball and think to myself that my view of everything going well was wrong and that every one probably hated me. I don't like mask socialization, but life is moving on. Masks and curling up in a ball are part of the day to day. Life moves on. :)

I SAW YOU

Cute Guy at Vaccination Clinic

We were standing in line waiting to get our boosters and we talked about the book I was reading, ...

SAVAGE LOVE

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