that the closest acquaintance I have is the warm, friendly Croatian lady at Tim Horton's.
I was brought up to be honest and do the right things. But it has gotten me no where and only brought heartache into my life.
Maybe I'm just stupid but I feel I tried my very best to do the right things to take care of my family, work hard and sacrifice my whole existence to make sure they were well taken care of.
Now I am reavalulating these thoughts because it gets you no where and no one seems to really care and no one else has the same values as my mom instilled in me.
Damn it's a sad ass world we live in.
Some lady can hang outside with her baby smoking pot and partying til 1am in the morning and no says anything about it yet I'm being set up to be some horrible person cause I complain about wrong doings and to try to set things right in a horrific organization only concerned about the bottem line and money.
I'm tired of doing the right things !
Tired of being shit on !
Maybe I won't care about doing the right thing things anymore !
I know this makes no sense to anyone not knowing the whole story but it does to me.
So bloody tired !
Why is the world so unjust ?
I remember in the 80's and the 90's when pizza slices were huge with thick fluffy dough and a ridiculous amounts of cheese and toppings. Now pizza today everywhere I go no matter what serve these tiny and thin as cardboard slices with a smackle bit of cheese and miniscule toppings. Is this how these pizza businesses are making money? By ripping us off. Are there any real pizza joints left and if so where are they?
I never realized how crazy the workplace I spent years in was until it was behind me. Sometimes I wonder how I managed to waste so much time in dysfunction and why I didn't want to surround myself with better. I must has been crazy too to put up with it for so long. If you're in a toxic situation, at home, work, school, wherever it may be, don't suffer through it. You become your environment. Set aside delusions of having to be tough and persevere and that the best things you have to struggle for. It's a lie we're told to manipulate our boundaries and become complacent. You don't. The right places and people align naturally without any resistance. They do not hurt you to feel a sense of power, they do not sabotage you to get ahead, they do not try to humble you to reduce your worth and get their way. Don't allow toxic situations or anybody to rewire your brain into codependence to accommodate their goals and notion of success. Hindsight can teach you that you were right, or you can listen to your intuition, it's never wrong.
I have a hard time distinguishing one day from the next. I think this is how brain fog rolls in.
I started swearing.
No big deal to some of you but it kinda is to me. I find it really liberating and an effective way to release frustration, anger, etc. My kids have heard me, my parents, my spouse, and my God. And guess what they still love me. F#*k the purity culture messages I absorbed as a young girl from conservative christian culture about sex, profanity, etc. Such bullshit!
I suffered the tragedy of my lifetime last year. I am less than 2 weeks away from returning to my dream career that has been in flux since the pandemic started. anger and grief fuel me, but only in so much as getting me out of bed everyday to stand up fight on. the last year has been paralleled with being one of my best. not wanting to sit still long enough to think led me to being the most active I've ever been. the pandemic closed off every knew, so that adventure was to a docile world of closed doors, but also beautiful welcoming open doors. places and people I had never known or thought about. as the last days of summer of the pandemic and tragedy come into focus, I stand atop this mountain. one war won, another about to begin. dreams lay ahead not behind.
OCM Sto'lo Coast Salish salutations: I really value your contributions here! Thank you.
when I'm in love. I just feel like a different person. Now in my 70' s and divorced, I haven't felt it for a long time. Sometimes it wasn't reciprocated thru my life but there's nothing quite like it. I wonder if it will come along one more time.
For a petite woman with 34DDs.
As a person with life long body dysmorphia,I don't think I will ever get over it.