It's me, the bitcoin guy again. It helped me pay the rent...but now I'm addicted to it! All I do is check the price, trade it, research it. I can't sleep at night, I am convinced this is my ticket to financial freedom. But I can't think of anything else! What kind of monster have I unleashed!
It's almost my turn to have my birthday ruined by this ordeal. I really have no expectations whatsoever at this point. Not even some delivery food.
Everyone I've ever met has made me sick. I'm sick of the whole friend lifecycle. I get taken advantage of a few times, and it's over. The exact same thing with every new person I meet. Well fuck it, I don't want to know anyone new, I'm going it alone, and this covid shit is the icing on the cake.
I used to be a runner. Until two years ago when I hit my head on a curb on a bike. I've gotten better slowly and have recently started running. I got out today for a short jog to enjoy the gorgeous weather. Due to unemployment I wore my old runners, leggings and an old pink American apparel nylon rain coat. After picking a part of a pipe I needed from Canadian tire I logged slowly towards Cambie bridge. A guy looked me up and down, with a snooty look on his face and words spat out his mouth. Slow down!. In front of my masked face. I couldn't help but take it personally as he looked decently dressed and had to take a good look at my outfit before spewing those words unmasked into my face. It was disheartening since it's been hard getting out. I'm quite large so I could barely do more than a jog. Perhaps he had meant I took up so much space I should be walking... I just can not think but two years ago, he would have let it slide.
I want to move away from Canada so I can be further away from the USA.
complain that Canada was sooo boring and stale. After recent world events: thank you Canada for being so boring! Never change!
Recently, a friend got a dog. And, the dog is cute and I love dogs. Lately, I find our conversations to be focused solely on their dog. From what their dog did, to what it eats, to how it plays with other dogs, to a disease or an infection a dog can get. We would talk about something else, but then we somehow wound up talking about their dog again. I know they're really excited about their dog and wants to talk about it. However, I can't help, but feel dissociated with our conversation and feel our conversations are running dry even though I'm trying to talk about other things than their dog! And, for some reason, they keep trying to get me to get a dog and say how much I'll love it, that I won't regret it, etc. even though I've told them many times I'm not in the place to buy a dog due to time and money. Just wanted to rant a little. Thanks for listening. End rant.
I’ve been unable to fall asleep until 3 or 4am, and sleeping until noon. This is so unlike me! I don’t know why....even when I exercise a lot it happens. I lie there and I can’t stop thinking “I can’t believe this is happening.” Until I finally conk out. I know this is a terribly unhealthy and weird schedule to be on.
The only places that make sense to me right now are walking trails in the trees. The simplicity of bird song and rain drops hitting leaves. Nature is where I can recover. For when I go back indoors, Zoom meeting and meetups are all performative, people talk about things I have a hard time wrapping my head around like wanting to travel and self development, and they are just a click away from Covid stats like 1 person dying every 33 seconds in California. I am way happier with the dirt and rocks and rain. Otherwise the cognitive dissonance gives me headaches.
My husband just told me that the day we went to the hospital thinking we'd lost our baby two years ago, he was emailing his ex as I was in the emergency room alone being told there was no heart beat. Why on earth he decided to tell me this now I have no idea. Thankfully we're going our separate ways. If his goal was to hurt me, it worked. I'm angry but all that matters is our baby girl survived and she's my world. Trying to get it out of my head though and it's tough. I'm angry.
