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Unsettling Artifacts

As I rewatch Stranger Things to prepare for season 4 I noticed something. It hits differently than before. It feels scarier but I couldn’t put my finger on why. I then realized I first watched the show in 2016. Between then and now, I was in a car accident and had an experience with psychosis. Watching Winona Ryders character felt terrifying this time. To know what it feels like on the inside and witness how chaotic things appear on the outside. The desperate desire to be believed that something sinister is afoot. Yet in this story of suspended reality Occam’s razor is a blunt tool unable to scratch the surface. How comfortable I felt following the story before that experience, scoffing at disbelief and embracing the unbelievable. This time I tread more carefully, mindful of how easy it can be to slip.

schadenfreude

I must admit … for the blue wrapped building I could t afford and its occupants

they never said they were leaving....

I am a Senior's care giver. Recently my brother and his wife moved away and bought a house on the island without telling me or my 83 year old mother that they house hunting or even thinking of moving away. Now they are acting like that was a perfectly normal thing to do and they are outraged that I feel upset or that I would dare to suggest that they have done me wrong by not letting me or Mom know that they were even thinking of moving away. It's not like they were doing much to help me in my role as a care-giver, yet I still feel betrayed the fact that they literally said "We bought a house on the island and we are moving next month," And that was the first I heard of their intention to move. Last night we had a bitter fight and I am clearly the bad guy in their minds, how dare I take offence at them living their lives. Meanwhile, Mom has been in hospital three times in the last two months, for 3-5 days each time and they have yet to attend, despite being "only a phone call away" and "only 50 miles (80km) away."

You stopped for geese

These things would never get anywhere near you in the bush. Because they know better, the only reason they parade across the street is because you submit to them. Funny though, you would never give another human being (in the dtes for an example) the same amount of dignity. And if that person is a cyclist. All bets are off, it’s like they’re not human. But geese. Everyone stops for the geese. What the f.

Twisted priorities

I know that this is going to truly annoy some people. But what the hell is wrong with people who will bend over backwards to help someone who has come here from another country who is struggling, but would literally step over a homeless citizen of Vancouver in the street who is trying to survive right here? I mean, wtf? I’m all for support for refugees, but I’m disgusted by the lengths that people will go to in order to help someone foreign when those same people turn up their noses at equally deserving people who happened to be born here. Our government will hand out money, medical care, housing, etc, to someone whose own corrupt government (no I’m not talking about Ukraine) doesn’t care, when they won’t do that same thing for their own citizens! It’s nothing but a freaking photo op for them. “Let’s help these poor unfortunate people from foreign lands because we’re such a magnanimous and generous government. But let’s completely ignore the people who might actually vote for us because they’re not as popular a cause.” I’m thoroughly disgusted. I’m on a neighbourhood fb group where someone just asked everyone to shell out for a “struggling family” from Africa because our government hasn’t given her enough money for a decent apartment, clothes, a good job, and food. I mean, seriously? Has this woman even looked around at our own neighbourhood and city to see the suffering happening every single day? Does she not read the local news? Obviously she is so clueless that she doesn’t comprehend that our government doesn’t give it’s own disabled and poor/disadvantaged citizens enough to even buy food nowadays, let alone a decent place to live. No. It’s so much more popular and IG and FB friendly to loudly proclaim your support for everyone else except for the citizens of the place you actually live. I want to puke.

Not a Robot but a Ghost

I put a post it note on my mirror right beside my face. ‘You are Enough’. I try to say it out loud as I look at myself. I feel silly. I try not to smirk. I’m smirking. Out of the corner of my eye my mind reworks the words and I see ‘I’ve had Enough’. Heh. Now That I can get behind. What have I had enough of? I’ve resigned myself from my needs for too long. I’ve had enough of tolerating. And what I’ve been tolerating will continue if I allow it. To crack the code. This great resignation, where will it lead if I choose to change?

Spring cleaning adventure

I did some spring cleaning and had to go through tons of boxes in my garage to see if there was anything I still needed or wanted to donate. I found a box of old books and discovered a Bible. Had no idea I even had one to this day. I picked it up, read though a few pages and thought “Wow! This is so boring.”

Sometimes it IS easy being green

I have never voted for the BC Liberals in my life. I was always an NDP supporter until now. Because their policies have made me lose all respect for them, I will never support the NDP again. I'm just going to vote Green as soon as the next provincial election comes.

Cloister

I haven’t left my apartment in two weeks. And I don’t feel sad about it at all. I consider how amazing it all is living in the world today. Groceries delivered to my door that I ordered online. Fruit from South America, medication from across the continent, vegetables from down the coast, books from around the globe. Technology connects me to the world and I can even wash my clothes and cook food with the press of a button. It’s incredible. And yet I turn the blinds on my window to temper the sun. I feel like an addict telling myself that I can go outside any time, to quit sequestering, but I seem to lack the inspiration or need to leave. I feel like an emperor in an unknown forbidden realm where no one comes in or out.

I want to be single

I went out to my BFs friend's bday the other day and his single friends made me realize how bad I want to be single. Im not in love with my bf any more and Covid has really made me hate him and the way he treats me. But last time I tired to break up with him he cried then threw my shit all over the place. Im.scared of what he will do if I break up with him again. I can't stand his lacy of maturity.

I SAW YOU

Following me at Save on lol

Leaving Grandview Save on today (26/5 7:20pm) we exchanged smiles. You said you weren't...

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