I was 23 and she was 33. She was a widow of only a year with two little kids, I only wanted to be friends at first....we both had traumas. I helped her around her house, we hung out for supper, I was way immature but I had a frigging amazing job that paid a lot! I think she saw security in me for her kids, and an opportunity for herself to breath a little without financial concern. We did start dating, but honestly I didnt want the package, I just wanted a friend to talk with and share common healing from trauma....but she wanted marriage and security. I totally buckled to the pressure and we got married. We fought a lot up to the wedding, but so much had been put into it, I think we both felt too much pressure to keep it going. I knew it was wrong to get married to her from the very beginning. She was way too messed up from the death of her first spouse....I was too young and too messed up from my own trauma. Many years later, after many bad fights, lots of her bad drug usage, police calls, her hitting me many times, I finally had the courage (yes courage) to tell her I was not in love with her and I wanted a divorce. The divorce has been total hell, her kids hate me, her family hates me, I am a devil reincarnate, and her dead husband is the hero...he was there for 2 years of the oldest life, I was there for 16. I feel it was a total waste of time for me, that we all would be better off if I had more courage when I was only 23....now Ive raised two kids that dont want anything to do with me, I pay 2600 a month in child support and Im on the hook for their university. But since Im not the biological or adoptive parent I have no rights. I really hope that I can recover emotionally from this, I really hope they can too. Jeez this feels good to get off my chest
I was white, then life would be easier and I wouldn't get so discriminated against day in and day out.
Now that I am older I can see that in the past I made serious life choices based on family relationships such as career choices or job choices based on where family lived and how they felt about me. I also chose to live my life according to what was best for my husband for many years. As a result I never really pursued what was in my heart or my abilities and as a consequence of that my career has not been able to survive serious health issues plus some disadvantages that I already had, so now I have realized that I should have lived life as if they were not so important, but it is obviously too late. They are no longer in my life, some have died, some have just not stayed close, and it is me who has to live with my choices so from now on it has to be a choice that makes sense for me. There is still time to have some of those experiences that I once hoped for and never realized that will make the difference, when I look back at the end of my life.
I have recently joined an online facebook group that shares their mental health experiences with people from all over the world participating and I must say, it is more helpful to access the group's comments and learn from them than all the years visiting psychiatrists on a monthly basis. I feel that my own problems which are truly not so serious as some, can be better managed when I understand the range of mental health challenges that various people are facing. And for once, people are not putting other people down online for sharing emotions, for admitting they are suicidal and have trouble with medications, that they cannot get along with their family friends or a significant other. If someone is out of line, someone else will make a comment and the group or a moderator has dealt with it, so far. I wish that it was more socially acceptable to have discussions face to face with people about mental health but this allows people to be relatively anonymous while participating, and it is a very supportive group and free.
After 12 years as a commuter cyclist—a one-man carbon sink in fact—I finally got tired of all the well meaning earnest self-sacrificing and bought a car. The first time I've ever bought a car purely for pleasure. Of course I still cycle to work—what could be more insane that sitting in traffic every day?—but when the week-end comes, for the first time in years I have a car waiting in my driveway to take me on whatever adventure I choose.
This year has been sad for me. I know it's early but I really can't wait for it to finally be over and done come December 31st. Let's see...I got blinded side by a person whom I thought was a true friend until I realized that he just used me to pay for his booze. Then I found out that someone else from my past died six months ago and I never even got to say goodbye. Went through some job changes over the summer and it's been hard adjusting to a new routine. There are times when I feel like crying because of all this stress, but I'm doing the best that I can to persevere past it.
I value it and try to practice it every day. The oddest thing is it can be totally quiet and as soon as I get settled to begin, loud noises start . Leaf blowers, dogs barking , sirens etc. Once I just decided to try in the middle of the night and immediately a car alarm went off for a long time. Not a big deal, just seems strange.
So i've mostly dated younger women in their early 30's (I'm 40). It hasn't gone well... My dating life in Vancouver has been a nightmare. Ive never been ghosted, cheated on, lied to, fucked over and been manipulated more than I have in Vancouver. I know I know, typical YVR confession... BUT recently I met an amazing and beautiful older woman (54) and she has been a breath of fresh air. She is kind and sweet, unpretentious, reliable and she knows what she wants and isn't shy about it. The sex is fucking amazing, the conversations stimulating and I'm thrilled. Im not saying all younger women are terrible, maybe I have bad taste and make poor choices (actually, not 'maybe' but: absolutely) but it seems like i've found someone good for a change. Im looking forward to seeing how this goes.
but it's also very strange and I can't explain it.
EVERY time I go to the supermarket and there are several lineups of relatively equal length I ALWAYS end up in the line that moves the slowest.
Whether it's the person who can't find their money/bank card, forgets their PIN code, cashier needs a price check, customer has a disagreement about the sale price, new cashier comes on board and has to sign in, it never fails.
I'm like George Costanza in Seinfeld, time to start doing the "opposite". Choose the line that I normally wouldn't choose at first glance.
I don’t partake of any inhalants but with an allergy to cigarette smoke and despite empathy for those addicted - dear friends and family, I would rather everyone take up weed instead. Being stuck drafting behind smokers for years and now bizarre candy smelling vape clouds, I’ll take pot any day! Wish we were handling the economics and administration of legalization better as a country, I really want the stigma and judgement associated with pot to go up in smoke. Secondhand mellow instead of cancers and death, easy choice!