Since Covid started I have been seeing some friends on a regular basis in an outdoor area, very socially distanced of course. But over the last few weeks they have been going out, like out out. Last week I was invited to a bar for a party. I declined but they all went. Now I'm thinking WTAF?! If they put themselves at risk ok, but do I now put myself at risk hanging with them, even outside.
They talk about being safe yet they are being so called safe out and about at a busy bar? Now I have a dilemma do I just stop hanging out with the only people I thought I respected? We are not out of this and there are new cases every day, yet people are taking big risks. I have lost respect for almost everyone I know, now this.
My boyfriend bought me a vibrator in university. When I was moving out of my apartment after my degree, I wrapped it in a bag with a ton of tape, labelled it "electronics", and put it into one of the boxes. Some of my stuff came home with me to my parents' house, and some went into my grandmother's basement for storage. When I was unpacking, I couldn't find the vibrator, and I've been terrified since 2006 that someone might find it. Over the years I've ransacked my grandmother's basement countless times in fear that she might someday happen upon it, immediately know it was mine, and be completely scandalized.
Since then I have of course come to realize that it's nothing to be ashamed of and that I shouldn't be so mortified about it, but I think I just got so used to worrying about it that it would still keep me awake at night sometimes. It's what I think of every time I hear the term "object permanence". It's been torturing me for so many years...
Cut to yesterday. My sister texts me a photo of a bag wrapped in tape labelled "electronics", which she found when cleaning out the basement at my mom and dad's. She has heard this story before and she knew exactly what it was when she found it. This is the best possible outcome, and last night I slept better than I have in 14 years. I am finally free.
I wish we had better TV shows, like from the 80s and stuff, when they were more crude and blew up cars with real explosions and stuff. The visual effects are likely just as expensive and suck. Is this environmental regulation or something? Why don’t they do cool explosions anymore with crazy bad-ass cops and stuff? I am a millennial but I grew up watching stuff like Lethal Weapon. I miss stuff like that. Simple times... I don’t think people are offended by 80s TV, are they?
I feel sorry for people with anger issues. As a child I suffered most of my childhood because of my mom’s anger and abuse issues. But the gift I received from those experiences was my awareness to become the loving, forgiving, empathetic, understanding, incredibly awesome woman I am. So many people are walking around angry right now lasting years, decades, even a lifetime. Reconsider your relationship with anger and where it comes from... anger can be an emotion used in a healthy way.
I just bought a mail order silicone bride. :/
"Don't think that you have to accept things in the world. If there is something that bothers you, think of way to make it better!" - Lydia Denton
This 12 year old girl has made a good point here.
Laughing at us in the store wearing masks. How do I know you weren’t at the Belmont hotel or at the No. 5 Orange? But I can guarantee you that if I came up to you and said I work on the DTE shelters and the Whaley modules and the on-sites as a harm reduction worker and said if I take off my mask and cough, would you be so tough? No, you would have freaked out, but I don’t do that...smarten up.
Vancouver offers nothing right now: no concerts, no live performing arts, no movies, no community centres, and I definitely don’t want to be in any Skytrain car, club, bar, restaurant or at any beach right now. So every weekend I’ve been going to the suburbs and farmlands, and have been enjoying my time there with lots of space and no worries. I can see myself making a permanent move out especially since WFH is possible. My head feels clear and calm out in the valley.
It confounds me that during a global pandemic, during the greatest civil rights movement in history, life is still driven by the great capitalistic machine. We need a revolution people! For those of us who lost our jobs during the pandemic, life has become a stressful CERB hustle (if you are lucky enough to get CERB) to somehow survive on just under $2,000 per month (less if someone is on disability assistance or income assistance) in cities like Vancouver where you would be lucky if $2k can cover your expenses AND still get to eat, let alone incur all of the costs associated with the pandemic (cleaning supplies, masks, added time to run errands and be cautious). If you are lucky enough to still have a job, you have to carry on as though nothing is happening - still produce, produce, produce. The reopening efforts are not because we miss social connection - we have all found creative ways to try to connect socially throughout the pandemic (though it has been hard) but all of the reopening restrictions relate to businesses, and only slight changes have been made to the limits on our social interaction (or our "bubbles"). The driving factors for reopening are economic - so we are literally juggling life and death to ensure our precious economy is saved, yet now would be the perfect time to implement a guaranteed annual income supplement, cap housing prices, make post-secondary free so individuals who have been laid off can upskill! The more I think about it, the more I realize our entire population is risking life and death to protect the wealth of a handful of capitalists who own basically everything. We need a revolution! We were working at breakneck speeds before, but now it is almost Orwellian to have to carry on as a cog in the machine while people are dying around us and systems are broken, yet we must putter along as though it is the new normal.
It's the one habit during all this I need to kick.
I'm not a business owner in debt. I'm not a health care worker burning out. I'm not in a relationship that's been trapped with isolation issues. What happens in America has no relevance to me as I live in a place with Doctor Bonny leading us.
I like the cool summer weather as it helps me sleep. I spend money locally.
My life is good and positive. But I daily look to things other people stress about and borrow their stress for some reason