I live in an amazing time. Compared to my great grandmother who immigrated here after the Titanic; who optimistically on the boat manifest wrote her occupation as typist, crossed it out, and then a little too optimistically wrote 'cook'. Side note Lil Gran would have been better as a typist. She was a terrible cook and reknowned for making tea and biscuits for dinner. I incidentally take after her in that regard. In her time, crossing an ocean was an amazing feat. Fast forward over a hundred years and I've crossed multiple oceans, lived in countless countries, drive, live independently, vote, have a job, use a washer and dryer, don't have to get married or have kids, and can wear pants. It's an amazing time. Yet... why am I miserable? Do I expect too much? In the pursuit of independance I find myself at a loss for companionship. Maybe a protocol or etiquette to making introductions has been lost over time. And perhaps if I was paid as much as a man I could afford an obnoxious dog I don't have time to train instead of a partner. So what is the next innovation for women? Tinder has lost it's spark.

I like to read 1-Star Google reviews of businesses in Vancouver where I've also had bad experiences.

I recently went to a bar with several of my friends and could not understand why we were all single. We are all beautiful, educated, and intelligent women in our 30's. Any man would be lucky to have us. The only men that approach us are the type that only want a quick "hookup" but not a lasting relationship. Seriously where are the quality men in Vancouver. I am sick of being single and spending my Friday nights watching Netflix and eating leftovers.

A few nights ago some dick snapped the old fashioned antenna on my beater truck. I swore when I discovered it. Pain in the ass to replace but... guess what? Better radio reception than before. I confess I'm a bit confused as to whether or not I should condemn the tool for the vandalism or thank them maybe??

I had always been cocky. Always flexing, always going to the gun show. Not conceited just full of self strength and passion through sports. That shit went dormant for 2+ years. Really, it was last winter where I lived many things did not open up the same, plus with similar tough openings as everywhere else. I moved cities, I uprooted my life. I was comfortable, but I had lost things mattered. I have one more day left before the winter break of a current season of sports. I've been flexing for the last 3 or so weeks non stop. No injuries, no excuses, not all days have been good and being rusty and out of shape is tough on the self conscious.... but holy shit getting recreational sports back is and was worth the plight. I loved where I lived but I lost what I loved about life. Dreams about sacrifice. I did not have the belief in myself I could uproot and move, but here I am. My Christmas in years flexing in full effects.

It was really easy to flirt and romance at the office. Today, it's just an idea that gets you fired. No wonder everyone hardly lives at the office and dies single these days.

There happens to be a certain point where lusting after an unrealized relationship ruins all chance of it ever being successful IF it was even requited. I don't know exactly when this point happens, it might depend on your age and gender, but it's definitely less than the 13-14 years I've thought about them. So why do I still dream?

What do you do with a middle aged sister who 100% ignores you and avoids all eye contact with you at a family dinner. She asks zero questions to you and your husband. And the only time she addresses and looks at me is by making a demand about her upcoming birthday. I bought her birthday present months ago and honestly don’t even care to wrap it or spend $ on a birthday card. I’d be fine with not seeing her for a year or three…

After my parent passed I started thinking about one of our last conversations. They told me that they weren't worried about me. They worked the same job for 40+ years and you could set a watch to their routine. I, on the other hand, change paths every year or so and in no way related to what I was previously doing. I meander. Obviously its cliche to do the opposite of a parent. But they told me my paths, even the horrible failures, were always entertaining to them. They stayed in their lane out of strength to raise their kids, but in every way did not want their kids to do the same. I loved my parents and got to have amazing last conversations with them. But as time rolls on I have something I never had. A love of the life I lived while they were alive, and a self love of myself that I did not have until they espoused their words in the finals weeks to me.

Next I was abruptly ghosted. Then he shows up out of the blue a year later. Acts as if nothing happened. Wants us to be friends. I thought about it and honestly couldn't imagine moving past the pain and being friends. So I quietly disappeared. Here's my issue: I'm glad to walk away from this person forever. But I still hang on to a tremendous amount of hurt, pain, betrayal, and disappointment. I want to forgive and let go and I don't know how.