Search confessions

the price of admission

Well, I finally wrote to Translink recently, beseeching them to come up with a way to get riders to take off their backpacks when on the Skytrain. I even gave them some suggestions. They did reply. It was some boilerplate language about how they appreciate rider feedback. This isn't new news to them but am at a loss as to why they don't bother doing anything about it. I pay the same price for a ticket as other riders do, except many have a two-foot deep sack slung to their backs taking up the space of 2 people. Meanwhile, we're all jammed in there, crab walking around each other trying to find space or get in or out. The best is when pack-toting riders attempt to "get out of the way" and turn sideways - sending their Santa sack careening into some other rider. Then, after hitting them, they look all doe-eyed...."sorry" they mumble, and then turn the opposite way, swinging back in the direction from whence they came, plowing into the person at their other side. If it wasn't so frustrating, it'd be comical. Get out of your head and have a look around you. I, (and a few others) are there blinking, dumbfounded as to how you could be so oblivious to your own actions. Having an just an ounce (or 29ml if you prefer) of self-awareness, could be such an easy collective solution to what is a chronically overcrowded transit system. I don't get angry or cause a fuss. There's no point. But I do regularly ask people to please lower their backpacks. It's my ticket's space too. And if I had wanted to dance, I'd have asked.

I don't want to date lefties anymore

They're all about thought-policing and it is impossible to have a date with one without politics coming up right away. Unfortunately, it seems like that is all that exists on campus.

Baby fandom

I was asked to download an app to follow someone’s baby, after receiving an impersonal group email about the newborn. The sender has never followed me on any social media, yet was asking apparently a bunch of people to follow her baby boy. I decided not to as I felt like I was expected to join this impersonal fan club. I just don’t have it in me to give kudos endlessly for baby stuff right now. If you want to connect your baby with me, I’ll gladly hang out in person. But I’m not gonna follow your baby and idolize it like it’s some kind of celebrity. The ask is too much.

Back on FetLife, but....

Just to snoop & see if I know anyone on thing for sure....all the women posting there get lots of follows from lonely the lonely men get no follows from women....unless the women are only advertising for OnlyFans...or guys with fake profiles pretending to be women.

Value In Reaching Out

I've considered reaching out to an old friend that I lost touch with (circa 2003). If we were being honest, she was more than a friend at one point and, as most things turn out during our formative years, she turned into a fleeting memory (Great white Buffalo) that would occasionally come up from time to time. Since the city is small, we would inevitably run into each other over the years. We were "respectful" in that we would acknowledge one another, and off we would go on our separate way with our separate friends - so healthy. It's hard to believe that at a moments notice one can be so close, and then be strangers the next. The heart of the matter is that I have never felt fully understood by another human being than I did when I was with this person. This may not have been rooted in reality, but at least it felt that way. Back in those days, you would actually talk to people on the phone - four hours - while simultaneously watching the Simpsons, Buffy, and Electric Circus on Muchmusic....Anyhoooow, you really got to know someone back then is my point. In retrospect, the first thing I had to ask myself was, "would this be beneficial to the other party, and would I be reaching out for more selfish reasons?" Did the "me" portion outweigh the "we" portion? After balancing the two, it leaned more towards the "me" - so I nipped the prospect in the bud almost immediately. Since we are now in our late thirties, we are (hopefully) very different people than we were back then. But every once in a while, I think about us finally meeting again as old friends - not as heartbroken teenagers - over coffee or a pint - cracking jokes. As a realist, I don't see this ever happening. Thoughts of distant memories in Kerrisdale, 41st and Granville, Wendy's, Metro, UBC pool, and Oakridge Mall Movie Theatres will more than suffice "respectfully."

Put Your Bum On My Shoulder

Hold me in your arms, baby? That's what I felt like singing on the bus today. Some dude's butt was chafing my shoulder - he was standing and I was seated. It was so damned packed, as usual, so I couldn't blame him. It was a bit awkward so I thought I'd lighten the mood, but I thought better of it and did not sing. Sorry, Paul Anka, for even thinking it.

Here we go again

Yup. They're at it again. Retailers going full force into Christmas decorations, email alerts to Christmas shopping, carols blasting at the stores. STOP IT ALREADY!! Disrespectful to our war vets and those serving now, can't you wait until after Remembrance Day? Can't you freakin' wait until October is over??!! Retailers, particularly large national chains may blame covid lock down for lagging sales. They may blame theft for lack of profits but the majority of people are on thrift store budgets and can't afford food let alone even think of shopping for Christmas so early in the season. The pressure this puts on those that are poverty stricken and even homeless is profound and only contributes to depression and hopelessness. I can't believe they can't even wait until Halloween is done.

Now I’m in it

Halloween has me thinking about masks. The ones I wear year round to fit into occasions and cover up vulnerabilities. A game face much like a hockey mask - hopefully less disconcerting than chainsaw aficionado Jason. Do I think baring my face is so unnerving it warrants an uncanny prosthetic personality? Uncomfortable for who though, myself or others? Maybe both. I shudder to think of being myself and honestly answering that awful question, ‘how are you?’. The truth feels overwhelming. What if on Halloween people went door to door and said something true about themselves? And instead of candy, acknowledgement and acceptance were doled out. Formidable. The trick to treat one another with kindness. Is that what Halloween is about? The opportunity to bare our greatest fears or desires through costume. To be seen and then rewarded for our efforts.


As time passes after a break up it’s the little things that get you. Seeing something funny that you wish you could share with them because you know they’d get it. Feeling weird watching the rest of that series by yourself and it’s just not the same without them beside you. Cooking that dish that was their favourite but somehow it just doesn’t taste as good because they’re not there to share it with you. Going for a walk in the places you always went together and you’ve never felt so lonely. So many little things that just hit so hard and sometimes right out of the blue when you think you’re over them. I hate this part.


There are a lot of things about how Translink operates that I wish would change. Right now, I'd rather that Translink embark on an education campaign for riders on proper bus/train etiquette than doing some prize contest.


Trapped outside the Painted Ship..

You were there, solo. You're tall and cute and sweet and funny. The highlight of my night,...

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