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What autumn and love have taught me

Learn how to let go with peace, grace and kindness. Thank you for the beauty and colour that you have brought to my life.

At a loss

Does he really love me? I’m confused. Comes home from work and spends hours on the computer. I am invisible. Doesn’t care what I have to say. Expects me to reply to every thought that rolls off his tongue and I get dead silence when I speak, unless he wants to change the subject and hear himself talk. Oh my god the more I type the more I realise it’s not me that he wants, it’s probably the idea of having a girlfriend and it doesn’t matter who. I’m so stupid.

I have a problem...

... I have a social life, I work (like many people my age, finding secure, well paying meaningful work is a challenge, but I'm not some loser who has never worked), but like many people my age I still live at home. My mother constantly tells me nobody cares about me, nobody wants to listen to me, nobody values me and things like that, this is her "argument tactic," not that I like arguing, but she is...she has mental health issues that predate my conception, and they have never been managed very well. If I look up publications about this behaviour, I tend to find stuff that says it is abusive, and that the proper way to look at it is to go "someone who talks to you that way is abusive, get away," not try to go "well, maybe she is right, let's think of proof of how some people really like me," this is what I do, I end up racking my brain and offering examples, 'cause I am pretty good at memory work, so I can go, like "no, I remember two weeks ago my friend said that they valued me as a member of our friend group," and if I say that, I am told 'they're just humoring you, they really think you're awful' or 'if they lived with you, they'd think you're awful.' I mean, I have also lived with other people, in dorms on campus, it wasn't a big deal, we got along just fine. Everything I read says this is abusive behaviour full stop and that I am taking the wrong tack to try to refute the abusive things I am being told, agree/disagree? Like, someone who says something like "nobody cares about you" is obviously not being kind or rational, and trying to respond in a kind rational way is just not going to solve that person's issue.

Noonhour Rush

I'll have time to make my own lunches when I'm retired.

Losing my mind at 30

I have been noticing these weird things happening to me. I will forget things that happen and say the wrong things. I've been saying the wrong words like 21 when I mean 15 or Apple when I mean Orange or something like that. I will call somebody by the wrong name who I've known for years. I also accidentally told the customer that I loved them instead of saying I love their hair. I talked my parents and my friends about this and they tell me not to worry and I'm just making a mountain out of a molehill but I think something is really wrong. I do not have a family doctor, I have no one to go to talk to about this. I've gone to the ER and they said that there's nothing immediately wrong with me but I think there is, and I really would like some advice where should I go?

Maybe I'll try

I'm interested in someone that lives down the hall from me. They strike me as a bit shy and lonely like myself. Maybe they've been hurt, like I've been hurt. I should try introducing myself to them the next time I get the chance. I hope they're not evil.

Dining and dishes of disrespect

I had the displeasure of being invited to mandatory work meals with people in my office. I would never voluntarily dine with any of these people. I observed them talking to Person 1, and then once that Person 1 left the table to get back to meetings, this group would shit-talk about them. I don’t trust any of these people and never will. One of them then sent me a Facebook friend request. As if I would allow them to peer into my personal life and shit-talk about what they see about me! If I never have to attend a forced meal with these scumbags again, that would be ideal. My dad was a great conversationalist: discussing world affairs, politics, human nature, with humour and insight. My expectations for group conversations are still based on this therefore I should feign getting hit by a bus the next time a work event comes up.

So long Jack and Jimmy

Life sure has been quite different since I gave up drinking. Being sober has really made a difference in my weight and my attitude. There won’t be any holes in my pocket or my liver. Gone are those days of drinking cokes with Jack or Jimmy Beam. No longer am I singing bad karaoke in a drunken state of mind. Someone who wanted me for a drinking buddy said “You’ll be back, I know you.” Nope. You do not know me at all. See ya.

Sometimes

I wish I was a bird so I could just fly away. Where no one could ever find me again. Maybe next time around! Wing and a Prayer.

We are all just star dust

Nothing matters. Nobody is making any permanent difference or impact in any way. In the grand scheme, life is far less than a blink, whether you live 100 minutes or 100 years. Time erases everything. So just get over yourself.

I SAW YOU

Met you at the federal store

You stopped to say hi to my dog and I. You told me about your silver lab that passed away, and it...

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