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Mixed feelings

I just found out that someone from my past died...six months ago. All this time he was gone and I had no idea. Honestly I don’t know how to react and process this. Sometimes he could he be sweet, but other times he was just an ass.

I don’t know

Why is it that every time I speak my mind and say the truth, somehow I end up getting myself into trouble? I don’t mince words. I’m tired of sugar coating. Take my job example. A lot of people I worked with at one location were dicks so I put them in their place and told it like it was. Yet when I spoke the truth and called them out on their bullshit, I ended up looking like an even bigger dick. A lot of people dislike me all because I’m straight forward. That’s why I transferred to another location. Maybe I should have just put up and shut up cause it’s the job that matters? Don’t see any logic in getting paid to take abuse on a daily basis.


Butterflies I feel so nervous butterflies in my stomach. I feel so stressed out butterflies in my head a dull ache with worry. I feel so lonely butterflies in my heart longing for someone to love me unconditionally. Butterflies

I feel like drowning on solid ground

My boyfriends mom, just got cancer. And its spreading. She looks so sick. I confess I cry alot when I'm by my self. I know its against family values to show emotions but I cant stop crying over the fact that she has three months to live. Why is it wrong for a guy to cry. She accepted who I am when my family didn't. She came to my college graduation when my family didn't.


I used to hate living in Surrey after I no longer can afford to live in Vancouver, but now I don't mind it.

Breed, then wither away

I lived for some time in a small town along a lake in Ontario. Most years we would get bombarded with Mayflies. The ground would be covered like a thick carpet, the lit windows of Tim Horton's would be a 6 inch wall of insects, and I remember the sound of driving over them on a quiet night (popcorn). Anyway, in 24 hours these things reproduce and then having fulfilled their role, they die. I'm in my mid 30's now and the physical differences between people my age who chose to have kids and those that haven't is HUGE! It's like once that breeding role is fulfilled there's no drive to stay healthy. Glad I don't have that biological urge to spawn.

Creation that went wrong with the one she loved

I have been with this young lady for 7 months , at the time to help her cause she had no other place to stay. Have meet her through a mutual friend. So I brought her home told her to relax for a while cause she had bad anxiety and stress so didn’t want her to feel any pressure from me . All though I did mention that she will have to find a job and find her own place to live and for her just to do dishes and laundry, cause I work full time my self . She’s a artist she says and loves to create. I told her to make more art work and try and sell some . She’s a good artist: she said it’s not for sale it’s meant for people to enjoy. Don’t understand at that time why . Then she said she needs her own room for her to create and have her own space and privacy. I asked why she will be doing in there again it was private. She wanted a relationship with me but I was not wanting that cause I wanted her to focus on her self and not feel that she owed me anything. Cause that was happening prior where she has stayed . 4 months later we started to date but she was still closed of on what she was creating. She got a job loved it there but wold not introduce me to anyone and said she’s creating I said can I be involved she said no . It’s been like that ever since I’m not involved , she said she loves me so much that I can’t be apart of that . Was I ever confused and hurt . Now she moved out creating and I’m nothing . Just feel used helped her for 7 months and left blocked me from everything and the people who really did her wrong she still in contact with . Yes I still lover her . Just venting thanks ....

I remember, they record, and I observe

I encouraged strange investments in a foreign land without knowing what I was buying. I also forget astronomically insignificant knowledge. GTA is da centre of da universe!

Creepy Invasive Landlords

Screw them. Seems with the housing crunch landlords think they can push boundaries because it's hard or stressful to move. My current one started asking personal questions, emailing me when I was on a road trip asking "where I was, am I with family?" and phoned my emergency contact but didn't leave a message. ALL phones have caller display. Uggh. I did not engage. Gave my notice with plenty of notice. And even then they made a snide comment. Don't let landlords have power over you.

No more beer

I quit drinking nearly two months ago. But I kind of broke my sobriety and had one beer with my dinner yesterday. That one pint didn’t taste so good and made me want to puke my guts out. I realize now that beer or any alcohol is not for me so I’m just going to keep embracing my sober life the way it is.



You: Green Chuck Taylor's. Me: Burgundy Chuck Taylor's. I wanted to chat further &...

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