Early 2020, it felt like I was "in this together" with an old friend of the opposite sex before the pandemic broke out. We found some common ground after my friend had some bad luck on Tinder. Then bad luck at work. Then health problems. It drained me but I was supportive. Then they sort of disappeared. Turns out they hooked up on Tinder again. I feel used as a surrogate, burned and kind of alone, and that the friendship was false.
Living life with social anxiety is like postpandemic behavior. Staying away from others... Isolated but wanting to get out there. I've had it for 35 years and my own personal experience hasn't been any different after the virus.
It's not wanting to deal with high maintenance, attention dependent friends who are stuck in isolation, that's making me a hermit.
I am a lone bachelor. Above and below me are couples who cook wholesome dinners almost every night. Me? I have frozen vegetables as part of my dinner almost every night. There is a moment when I pour them into a pan. This is quite noisy, so I place my hand above the pan as I pour to soften the landing. I do this because there is a part of me that is embarrassed for eating frozen vegetables alone every night. I don't want the neighbours to hear this sad detail of my life, the frozen vegetables rattling onto the pan again.
winter is coming to an end. Now I don't have to listen to people complain how cold it is. Just getting ready for summer so the exact same people can complain about how hot it is.
A week ago I invested in mutual funds for the first time in my life and I'm already regretting it.
An old friend of mine passed away recently. So I went to English Bay where we all used to hang out all summer in our early teens before we all got summer jobs. Tanning, listening to Pablo Cruise and sneaking smokes and beer.
45 years later I’m on a grey deserted beach sitting on a log with all the seagulls. I cried and was nauseous from the memory overload.
Hardly working from home anymore? I feel defeated. Not a job I want not care about. This hasn’t happened since high school.
I am a female who is turning 32 next month. I have never had any intimate experience with a man, apart from a couple of awkward first kisses. I can’t even pinpoint exactly why things have shaped up the way they have- I am quite “normal” in all other aspects of my life (career, health, friendships etc.) apart from always being a bit on the chubbier side. Most people assume I am single by choice, but the true fact is no man has ever asked me out...I haven’t had many opportunities to meet men because I’m an introvert/not big into partying.
I think it’s partly low self esteem (not putting myself out there), not knowing anything about flirting, and the fact that dating was never normalized/encouraged/talked about in my family and culture. I’ve been doing therapy which has helped a bit, but the thought of intimacy, let alone finding a husband and having kids seems unfathomable to me. I’ve been swiping on all the apps for over 4 years, and only have a few awful bad dates to show for it. I’m tired of all the ghosting, fake profiles etc. Wish I could just meet someone the old fashioned way...and that they’d be willing to take intimacy in baby steps.
I’m an alcoholic. There, I fucking said it.