Confessions

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A first

A gentleman I began seeing confessed he was married on our third date. Though he insisted it was just a “formality”, I have zero interest in any type of adultery, so I ran away as fast as I could. No regrets about doing so, but I am still sad as he was the first person I could see myself falling for in quite a while. Thanks again, dating apps.

Easier said than done

I confess that I inwardly cringe when someone without any real family ties tries to convince someone who does have those ties to “just move”. Or “just do what you feel like”. The reality is that when you’ve got children, it’s not easy to “just” do anything that is basically entirely for you. I’m not only talking about when your kids are little either. When you’ve got family, if you want to maintain close ties with them, moving a distance away is going to adversely affect your relationship, regardless. Similarly, if you want to live your life without ever having to concern yourself with responsibility, then do not have kids! That’s a perfectly legitimate lifestyle choice, but it’s the polar opposite of a lifestyle where obligation to one’s offspring plays a role. So if you recognize yourself in what I’m saying, please don’t get all preachy with me about “just” letting go of the family ties, because, respectfully, you have no idea what you’re talking about.

Changing

I dont know what is happening to me. I was once so outgoing and bold and now I feel im becoming shy and kind of reserved. Just the thought of people looking at me is dreadful. I cant even be around overly confident people, it makes me feel so embarrassed and uncomfortable. Meanwhile I have some friends who seem to be getting more expressive and cant shut up about their opinions. Its becoming really hard to maintain certain friendships as they almost never understand or care and just continue droning on and on with their bloody loud speaker of a mouth. More and more I crave silence and peace.

I miss my kitty

I put her down a few days ago. I am regretful I didn't notice her decline sooner and wonder if I made the right choice not pushing harder to see if she could recover.

Secret boss

I was offered a job promotion as Manager that would support my boss the Vice President who is quite difficult to work for (everything is asked of you at the VERY last minute). So instead I suggested they hire someone else and let me keep being the office assistant. Worked wonders! I’m so glad to turn down stress inducing promotion. Even though it means giving up an extra $20k-30,000 a year in bonus and perks...the new guy deserves this pay for all the extra crap he has to do instead of me. I love my lower stress job (in comparison) and the pay is decent, no complaints.

My neighbours do noisy construction

I really want to move because of it. I started looking at 1 bedroom apartments, and Vancouver is essentially just basement suites for $1500 a month. I think this city is a hell for renters... I don't see people putting up with this for much longer. I'm glad I didn't buy at peak pandemic prices. I'm literally moving to butt-fuck nowhere because it is way more preferable than this.

I like getting

older. I have reached a point, as I approach middle age, where I have fewer and fewer illusions about people and life in general and it is great! Sure, there are a few wrinkles on my face and a few more creaks in my muscles and bones but I would not trade them for the intense angst of my youth. I no longer have any drama or feel the need to impress others or seek attention and validation as I did in my younger years. Also, many problems I used to have have just sort of worked themselves out naturally over time. Enjoy being young, but really I think getting older is better!!

Antiquated Reflections

I know a guy that's constantly getting himself into trouble. His friends have been dropping like flies out of his life and I don't blame them. All he's done is gossip about everyone and manipulate them into depression, financial loss, breakups...You name it he's done it, to his FRIENDS. Family members too. He's extremely judgmental and thinks very highly of himself with nothing, I mean nothing, to show for it. It's all an act, he's actually super bitter. His bitterness is his motivation to "take people down", people who've done nothing to him. And whatever, if they did, it still doesn't add up to the insane level of calculation and sabotage of their life he gets up to. A lot of the old friends that used to hang are doing better since they grey rocked phased him out. One was balding and his hair grew back from no stress. Another one got married. Another went on to own his own company. My confession is any time I hear positive news from one of the old friends I make sure to be the first to tell him, I know hearing about his old friends succeeding is the nail in the coffin and after all the games he's done, I want to be the one delivering the news. Any new person that comes along, I make sure to tell them exactly what he's about. Save themselves the stress. He can't figure out why he's not getting away with the tired manipulation tricks, I'm having too much fun to tell him.

bedroom singer

i love to sing in complete privacy, friends know that i enjoy writing but they don't know it emerged from songwriting as a child and made-up tunes. i am an open book in most every way but my mediocre daily singing is a much needed catharsis to carry on with living. it's nice to have a piece of yourself for yourself.

Shy hugger

I have never enjoyed being hugged due to childhood trust issues that I won't get into. Everyone is excited about hugging people again now that covid restrictions are being lifted. Not looking forward to this. I was kind of able to get into the spirit of hugging before covid, but now, can't imagine doing it again except with a few people I'm close to. Please be patient with us shy huggers when things go back to normal.

I SAW YOU

Wreck beach smile

I saw you (pale, longhair with a cute floppy hat) today, while I was rolling out my towel on the...

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