I love them. LOVE THEM. There may be nothing nicer than the smell of roasted peppers. Red bell peppers are best, but I like to use greens in some cajun recipes. I'm not able to eat tomatoes, but I've learned to make a pepper sauce as good as (or better than) any pasta sauce or salsa. Banana peppers or poblanos are about my upper limit for heat. My dream is to live somewhere quiet with lots of nature and hiking and have a garden with lots of peppers. And cats. I love cats too.
I want to say to say thank you to the beautiful individuals that replied to my post a while ago.
I was feeling extremely anxious, alone, depressed, and a bunch of other stuff. I posted on here and the positive responses helped me a lot. It made realize that I am not the only person in the world feeling the same way, but rather there are many of us in the same situation.
I’m extremely grateful to you all. It helped me a lot and I’m doing much better.
Thank you so much and I love you all.
Have a safe and nice holiday.
I got together with a coworker for lunch yesterday. It was so nice to connect and talk about stuff. We basically exchanged thoughts on how fucked up Covid really is and it made us truly cherish the time we had together for lunch. Fingers crossed that hopefully this storm will soon blow over. Some day. Maybe.
…and I think I fared better the 1st winter surge. I made personal goals, I enjoyed being on my phone, I made efforts with friends. This 2nd winter surge, I’m tired, I haven’t made efforts for people, I hate the content that I watched last winter, and I can’t muster the energy to go do outdoor things. I haven’t had a happiness high in months. Thank god the days are now getting longer, that is something that will guaranteed progressively look and feel better.
Is the woman who is in love with me, and I her, would finally admit it to herself and call me.
I'm a sad bugger.
There are people who believe their lives matter more than others but I am not so arrogant to believe I can cheat death. The last couple of years, when everyone seemed to be complaining about losing family, friends, classmates, workmates over differences it saddened me. They almost seemed to be bragging about it. While others circles were gleefully shrinking, mine expanded. It's not a competition but I can't help to think that at a time when people should have been coming together, they chose to use the years rather unwisely. Whether it was attacking others beliefs or jumping to judgment, it greatly devalued and cheapened the struggles everyone faced, while forcing nonsensical wedges. I see and hear them and they're still talking through an undercurrent of jadedness about these losses. I can hear the self-inflicted misery they feel committed to but don't want to live in. I'm grateful for the ability to have reconnected with people estranged and built new healthier relationships. No matter what people may think - usually the loudest - it doesn't matter as long as you stay true to yourself and stay guided by your internal light. You will attract the right people. It has been a great joy getting to know more people in harmony with humanity through these times. I'm encouraged by what I see; a desire of people to reconnect with themselves and others in meaningful ways again, less division, more unity, where everyone is welcome.
I find it exhausting to hear about climate change, plastic bags and all the such from people who out of the other side of their mouths are sad they can't travel to sunny destinations. Let's get rid of fossil fuels but the not ones that take me to the places where I destroy other peoples beaches and towns.
I was with a person in-between their two marriages. Their marriages have been identical, reaching for dreams that aren't really what marriage are about. When I was with them, they had a toddler. It was when I saw the true beauty of who they were. You can not put on a fake disguise when you are alone with a 3 year old, when you are watching Jeopardy, because you are home with a little one who doesn't care or know that you were a bar star. Both of their marriages have been failures because they couldn't see who they were when they were alone as a parent. It was a beautiful time to know them. In their loneliness they had beautiful dreams and I am glad that I was apart of them. But time moves on. Dreams fail, and what we once were we will never be again.
With people who love you, you have no idea how lucky you are. I’ve been alone every Christmas, New Years, Birthday, etc etc for decades. It’s exhausting putting on a happy face and pretending I’m not dying inside because I’m so sad, lonely, and depressed. Please be gentle with people. You never know. I’m sure I look happy and successful on the outside. Really I’m just trying to figure out how to survive another miserably lonely holiday.
Do you ever completely forget how to pronounce words?? I was trying to tell a doctor today I had LOW appetite or a LACK of appetite or a LOSS of appetite, and instead I somehow combined it all into some crazy gibberish like 'la la la lappetite'. Silver lining, he patiently waited for me to finish my special moment and even understood what I meant!