Search confessions

Dating Apps

I realized a long time ago that dating apps just don't do it for me. It's impossible for me to find someone using apps to have a meaningful relationship with, although it may work for other folks. That said I still browse dating apps occasionally, but only when I'm doing something else that requires a distraction from real life.

I feel like

the world is over. But we’re all still alive, just hanging around waiting for the next thing to happen. It’s strange, no?

New masks

I find cloth masks on the ground And take them home and wash them and wear them! Wonder if Dr. Henry would agree with this?

70s bods

I spent all night watching made for TV movies from the 70s last night. They were cheesy but good. One thing I noticed were people’s bodies. I know it’s a movie so they’ve hired good looking and fit people but honestly everyone looked so fresh and naturally trim and healthy. I just don’t find that people look like that anymore. I think factory farming and fast food has really messed with people. Since when did XXS become a size? That used to just be a size 4 or a small. I think we all need to get serious about our health and the planet. Don’t just watch documentaries and think that things are doomed. Actually do something.

Love my mask

The first time I wore a mask, it was a non-medical mask from the dollar store. I bought ten, for ten dollars, thinking it would last the required number of wearings for this virus. I was sure a vaccine would be found. I thought about the mask all the time and how little I enjoyed it because it left a bad taste and smell in my mouth, but as this situation dragged on I finally found a couple of cloth masks that are easy to wear and thanks to my laundry detergent they smell fresh as well as covering my mouth and nose while remaining breathable. On short trips and longer ones, it is doing its job making me feel protected, isolated and safe, as crazy as that may sound. My mask is now my "friend" but two weeks ago I could not stand wearing one. I still lower it whenever possible to inhale fresh air through my nose, but it gives me a comforting feeling to wear it, much like a favorite blanket can give a feeling of cosy security.


It's as funny as hell when you think about it. But at the time, it was probably the worst moment in my dog owning life. It was waking up to the smell of dog poop at 7 am, so strong it made me dry heave. It was the realization that there was a steaming, wet pile of feces not a foot away from my face. On my pillow, if you please! Yes, my dog took a dump on my bed. It's been years since, but that's the first thing that came to mind when my daughter called and told me she was getting a puppy for my grandson. I said, "Do you remember that time when Dex pooped on my bed?"

Tears For Ears

Lying on my back in bed and crying gets tears in my ears and makes me even more of a mess.

Masks are good for something

I didn't have a mask so I had to buy one from 7-Eleven so I could get on the bus. After I opened it and put it on I realized it reminded me of woman's panties and I thought well, that's a switch. One that I'm very okay with. Who needs fantasies when you can wear a mask. Don't hate me for what I like. Women are delectable and everybody pretends that this isn't a thing but it definitely is. A very enjoyable one. ewww there I said it for you. Let's move on.

Having a tough time and losing hope

29F and I’ve never had a fulfilling relationship where I’ve felt genuinely cared about. I was single for most of my 20s where I didn’t put the focus on dating. In the last 2 years I’ve made more effort on dating apps and would initiate chats and dates but couldn’t find anyone willing to commit or show any real interest. Really feeling like I’ll be single forever and I don’t know what I’m doing wrong. I’m friendly, caring, and put effort into my physical appearance but have yet to find anyone who cares about me even half as much as I care about them :( not sure if ranting or looking for advice but here I am

What I know now

I went through a divorce about 20 years ago. At the time we only had one child still living at home, with the others having moved out as young adults. The divorce had been years in the making, although my ex and I were still amicable and no lawyers were needed since we split our assets without them being needed. As I was very worried about the impact of it on my youngest (early teens), once we had told the kids about our decision, we took him to therapy to help him work through any concerns he had. Unfortunately, he fooled us all and convinced both us and the therapist that he was very well-adjusted and could handle it. We shared joint custody and my ex bought out my share of our house and our youngest chose to stay in that home primarily, with visits to me on weekends. I remained as involved as usual with his school, and I handled all of the usual medical and dental appointments and shopping for clothes, etc. What I didn’t know was that my ex had completely fallen apart and had completely disengaged as a parent in the process. Our youngest was led to believe that I was totally to blame for the breakup, and my ex encouraged him to think that I wasn’t paying child support and that I had “abandoned” him. As a result, my son became very reluctant to come for visits, and was very rebellious towards me. I had no way of knowing what was going on in their house until my kids told me many years later. The damage has been long term. My son suffers from severe depression and anxiety. Our relationship is still very tumultuous. He has a huge amount of anger towards me, and I’m sure that much of it is because of the misinformation he was fed as a child that he still believes. If only I’d known what was taking place, I could have fought for primary custody. I would have insisted on joint therapy to help him understand what was going on. Now he’s an adult, and he’s still suffering from our decision to divorce. So for anyone considering a divorce right now where children are involved, PLEASE take my advice and make sure that you really know what’s going on when you’re not around.


walking, talking, smiling

I'd love to put down the phone and walk with you


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