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Wow

So I was reading a news story the other day about the cops apparently going after some crazy guy that was up in a tree. The ambulance came to get him down. I say let him stay up there until the branches collapse. He brought it upon himself. Imagine that. Autumn is over and now the nuts are beginning to fall.

Cardi B

When I listen to you speak I can feel my IQ dropping.

All I Want For Christmas

It's to move into a pet friendly place and adopt or foster a couple of cats.

Tinder Dating in Vancouver as a Young Guy

Dating, like most things in life, isn't a lottery- it's practical actions and results. Take Tinder. As a girl, you're guaranteed to get approximately 100x more right swipes than a guy. This means girls pick which guy they talk to, not vice versa. So what does this mean for men? You need quality and quantity. Step 1: Get a good profile. Find all the best pictures with you in them. Look up criteria for good pictures - there are tons of web pages dedicated to it. Take the ones you're missing. Order matters. Step 2: Review your profile. Run it by your close guy friends, then your close girl friends (We're going to assume you have friends here. Heck, they can be online friends.) Girls know what girls want, and the girl you want to date is going to be similar to your friends 100% of the time, at least in some ways. Put in the time. Step 3: Get tinder gold. Why? because you're not just idly swiping right and looking at pictures, you want a Girlfriend. What's a bit of money if it means a chance at something real? Step 4: Settings. Make them as open as possible. Increase age range to slightly outside your comfort zone, widest area you're okay to meet someone. After all, you're still learning how to date - don't expect to meet the girl of your dreams next week! Real dating is NOT instant gratification. Step 5: swipe fast. Just swipe right as fast as you can, swipe left if it's an instant no. It's awful to unmatch people without saying anything, but guys don't really have a choice if they're looking to meet people on Tinder. Think of it as adding your name to the list of guys women can pick. Swiping keeps you active on tinder, and since you have gold you don't need to do it that often. No point reading a ton of profiles of people you will never meet (unless you're looking for inspiration for yours). Step 6: Once you match - Ask questions. Don't ACT interested, BE interested. There's someone on the other end of the phone you might want to meet, act like it! Be your most interesting self, match her tone/vibe/energy/prose/emoji style/punctuation (whatever you want to call it) and engage with her. She knows nothing about you, so don't tell her "work was good today", tell her you're really happy about making friends with a co-worker 2 weeks ago, or that you're excited to go see a movie tomorrow. Step 7: Asks! People usually decide if they could be interested in dating very quickly. If it's going well, ask for one of her insta/snapchat/phone number. You can always ask for the others later. Once you get her phone number, give yourself a 24hr window to ask her out. By now you should know where she might like to go, maybe give her a couple of options? BE INTERESTING. If she loves coffee, don't say Starbucks, find a coffee place you've never been to and see if there's a dessert place nearby. Have a plan. Or three! Step 8: Confirm the day of. I don't mean "are we still on?", I mean "How about I pick you up at 6:45 and we can bus/cab/ride over together". Always assume she's as excited as you are until you know different - be confident! And remember, you're doing this for yourself, so smile and have fun!

Put down the lash glue

Honest thought from a woman to women: you don’t look good or better or hot with fake eyelashes. It looks nasty and it’s not achieving what you think. You look crusty and like you’re hiding something. Like your feelings of worthlessness. And while you’re at it, stop drawing Instagram eyebrows on with a jiffy marker. Are you a stage actor where the bright lights will wash you out from your audience sitting 400 feet away from you? No you’re a cashier. And your terrible attempt at makeup is a catastrophe from 2 feet away. You would look better, and you’d be richer, if you stopped buying fake eyelashes and lash glue and jiffy markers for your face. You underestimate how already great you are, and ruin it with these expensive theatrics. Repeat after me: I don’t need the shit ton of makeup that society thinks I do. Yes honey, believe in yourself.

Plastic

Birds and fish are eating it and dying. Stop wrapping your bananas and your milk cartons in it. Why? I don’t get it. Makes me furious.

CBC............

keeps deleting 80% of my comments. WTF I pay my taxes. I'm just an independent that doesn't like Sock Boy.

Lonely

I am very lonely. For years I thought all I wanted was to be left alone, that I am an introvert, that I don't need people. But I was wrong! I have spend my whole life pushing people away, and now when I wish I could call someone and do something social, I have no one.

Hollandaise Sauce

People seem to stick up for it. They flock around it and glorify it. Personally, I found it completely lacking in style and stamina. Mostly it was just limp and lacking in any real depth. Thankfully, we get to choose our sauces and that is one I am glad to do without. Sad sorry sauce for sill simple suckers.

Another Concert Filmer

At least this dude was using an actual camera. I couldn't help but wonder, if he's such a big fan, where he was during the encore?

I really miss.....

my wife's pre-childbirth vagina.....she does too.

SNOW

On come snow, I like it. This time last year there was heaps downtown. Please come soon. (Said from someone who doesn't drive, so I know true Vancouverites are going to hate it).

Craigslist's Free Section

OMG, there are so many random things people are offering for free on Craigslist, such as a CD rack from a month ago! NO ONE wants to own a CD rack in a age where everything is on a electronic device or online. Just throw the bloody thing out or donate to a thrift store. And you can't just take 1, oh nooooo, you have to take both CD racks from the owner. Jesus, what the hell. Isn't it a longer and harder process to check your emails from interested parties then to just donate the bloody thing to a thrift store!!! That's one whole month of checking emails, replying back to interested parties and reposting/updating the ad THEN arranging times to meet with people to give them your CD rack(s). BUT it's still on bloody Craigslist, so obvs the people have been a NO SHOW and you still have it. Oh as my co-worker is saying you could have repurposed the racks and made a plant holder (we actually googled useful things from OLD CD racks). Lol. Too funny, Craigslist. What other free CRAP will be on there tmrw!!!! (great way to pass the time at work - only in the quiet periods). Oh and there was a 25 birthday candle, one CANDLE that said '25' - throw the bloody thing out, who is going to make the effort to get that for free when they can go to a dollar store and buy it for $2. Don't you think driving or public transport would cost more to get it for free then buying from the dollar store. People what's going on... so much laughter here.

People and their dogs

A lot of people with dogs don't really seem to like their dogs. I see them out walking, they are impatient and angry with the animal. Why get a dog if you don't want to deal with it. I wouldn't want a dog, so I don't have one. But you don't seem to want a dog either, yet you have one. People and their dogs.

I read

Breitbart for the comments. My god they get dramatic, but at the same times I'm not sure who is real. My favorite is when they starting talking about the "Gnashing of teeth" my least is when they refer to Michelle Obama as "Big Mike". But then they all cry when something bad is said about Trump, too funny.

I SAW YOU

Candian trivia in a Squamish kitchen

Hey Bronwyn, you were up visiting my roommate last week. We played this circa 1980's...