Just want someone to sit with me by the water.. not much to say but the comfort of another person. cold hands, bitter coffee, authentic Vancouver weather. no judgement, no expectation.. walk with me?

I will never ride a horse. They are magnificent creatures. But I am scared of getting thrown off. I am perfectly fine going through life without the experience of riding a horse.

I never really saw myself as a particularly sexual person but since the pandemic started I realized how badly I need a dildo and a vibrator. How about a vibrating dildo? As sad as it is, I’ve never owned one.

I had a dream. It was a bright sunny day. Blue skies. I was in the park with my lover. We kissed, we hugged, we held hands. I felt so happy. Then I woke up. Man after 10 months of not touching someone no wonder I had that dream!

Originally, sure, I hoped to hook them for the ego boost for those times I was feeling a little alone. Unfortunately I fell hard, and when they knew they strung me along as long as they could. Taste of my own medicine and all that I guess. But that aftertaste really lingers.

I'm not ready for it to be over. It's scary to admit it aloud. I've truly enjoyed the space, the quiet, the slowed pace. There's suddenly time to think. I don't want to go back to the busyness, the crowded spaces, and the cacophonous monotony that comes with filling in the gaps with things to feel like it's justifying time. It's been rough for a lot out there. But I've realized, I'm built for this.

After the pandemic, I am pretty sure I will be crying with tears of joy. Kleenex pocket pack will be ready.

I got one of those meal kit boxes for free. Did not care for it. Back to regular grocery shopping I guess.

I confess that I’m having a very strong feeling of mistrust about this person that I’m seeing. I have a feeling that they lied to me about what they were doing this past weekend, and why they couldn’t see me. I was having this feeling even before they told me late last night that they’d been trying to reach me all day but couldn’t. Since there is no evidence of any missed calls or texts or voicemails, it just didn’t ring true. I know it’s possible, but then again...there’s this feeling. I tend to be quite intuitive so I’m giving this feeling some serious attention.

To look on the bright side of this pandemic. I think the good things are: getting away with doing nothing for a while, being more grateful for everything, doing a lot of deep thinking and meditation, bonding more with certain friends than we would normally. We get closer when there is a crisis. It strips away all the superficial bs and busy-ness and judgement that people are normally preoccupied with constantly when things are going ‘well.’ Many people get big egos in times of abundance and forget about all the important things and start getting too competitive. In a way, this pandemic is stripping us all down to our cores and creating more genuine connections.