Confessions

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I must confess

At no time in my looking for work did any of my prospective employers check my educational background hense putting my dogwood diploma didnt matter a rat shit and I make 160000 a year. If I had known this then I would have dropped out at 15.

Higher power

Growing up, believing in something greater than myself never felt natural to me. I grew up going to church, listening to verses from the bible, but those stories just felt like stories. I've gone through a lot of pain and suffering that I'm learning to heal. Early on in my life, it was abuse from my parents. Being bullied by kids. In my early adolescence, it was my self-destruction by medicating my pain. I'm not the kind of person to tell people what to believe in. But I can't help but wonder and be grateful that I am still here today fighting and growing into a person I love..and I didn't do it on my own.

What's wrong with me

I've been doing a lot of self reflection. I've been happy with myself but for the last few years I've found myself falling in love with all the wrong guys who end up treating me badly.. And then once I move on.. They always seem to come around and apologize for the way they treated me.. Sometimes a six months, a year or two later. I don't get it.. They grovel, they ask me how I am, they ask for a second chance, they message me even when they have a girlfriend... I hate being the "what could have been" girl. I want to be someone's "right now and future". I'm beginning to really doubt myself.

Just try to do a good job

Is it just me, or is everyone I have to deal with daily more and more incompetent? It seems like I'm running around in circles, having to double-check everything other people do. A service they provide, work they do, etc. Everything. Even the government! I cancel my GST account, a year later they ask why I haven't filed my GST. An insurance company rips my tub surround out, I have to make sure they put it back in because they weren't going to. I ask if I need a key to access something, sure enough I do after you've said I don't. My colleague is supposed to match a template so our work looks cohesive, they don't and I inevitably end up doing twice as much work. It's not even surprising anymore, I just expect it and check up on things quietly, knowing they will be done wrong. That sounds like my state of mind, but it's not. I know this is stupid middle-class white bullshit, but get it together, businesses of the world. Does nobody care? Please, just try to do a good job so I don't have to do yours, mine, and everyone else's, too. I just can't.

One too many times

That’s what it was I think. Just one too many and that’s what caused me to end a very long and troubled relationship. I won’t get into the ugly details because part of my healing requires me not to dwell on what got me here. I feel like I’ve had a huge cancer growing inside me and slowly sucking the life out of me, and I finally cut it out. The easy part was the cutting, but I know that the hardest part is still to come in the recovery. I finally have real hope for the future though, and I know that although I’ll never be the same, I’m going to beat it and enjoy the rest of my life, even if it means I do it alone.

I'm the minority

I'm the minority but I'm probably looking for love in all the wrong places aka dating apps. Also, advice to men 1. You don't have to post a shirtless photo. I find that desperate and actually is a turn off. I'd personally want you to get naked for me only. 2. There are timers on cameras so quit taking selfies with your cell phones in the photo. It's tacky.

Fuck

I wish showers would fuckin' clean themselves.

Uhhh?

I can do a U-turn pretty much anywhere but I can't J-Walk? What's the difference?

Thorny

I'm letting you believe everything's going your way because that's obviously really important to you. Keep quietly cutting me down when no one's listening, keep being the manipulative shrew you are. I see through your rose like exterior and it will be a pleasure to be the thorn in your side.

Dislike strollers on transit

As a disabled woman I am in the uncomfortable position of having to take a disabled seat on transit and in the last few years, have noted an increase in the number of people bringing strollers on transit I have to confess that I support this trend and believe that people have every right to bring a stroller on transit - if they need one for their child. However it seems that children upwards of 3 or 4 years old are being forced to use the strollers even if they resent them and try to get out of them at every possibility. I have seen children confined to strollers simply because the parent or accompanying adult wanted to use their cell phone and keep the child confined to allow them to avert their eyes and attention. Sometimes, I see the parent hand the child a cellphone or tablet, and I wince but say nothing. I think they should be charged with child abuse for the way they are exposing their children to the device. I am really happy to be older than these people because I do not have to live long enough to see their maladjusted children grow up to fail as they have done. On the other hand where successful educated parents are using strollers to confine and "protect" their children instead of teaching them to walk and take responsibility for their own little selves I think they should realize that they are living in a bubble and that they are lousy parents as well. Back in the sixties and seventies most families did not want to have their kids in strollers -- children walked and were more healthy than today. Kids feel embarrassed in strollers past a certain age and of course, they take up so much room in the bus on skytrain and on streets -- parents I wish you would learn to have your kids walking and mobile by age 3 or 4 unless they truly need a wheelchair. Otherwise they might easily end up in one if they are afraid to exert themselves at all. Remember, walking is good for you.

I judge you on your allergies

If you complain to me about allergies, all I hear is that you can't handle being outside. You are an indoor cat. You've been inside for so long that your body can't handle the elements anymore. The fix is not over-the-counter drugs; the fix is to go outside and build up your tolerance again. I haven't met one robust, healthy person who crumples at being faced with cottonwood. If you have to leave work because of allergies, you're saying that you can't work because your body is having a reaction to being outside. Signed, An outdoor cat

My boss

My self absorbed boss told me to "pick which cross you are going to die on." I'm sure she was trying to insight some kind of panic in me , but I am considering kicking her fat ass. So, orange cross?

Do what you say you will do.

Im so fucking tired of people flaking out. If you say you will do something then just do it. People depend on the word of others. If we don't keep our promises and do whatever we want then our words mean nothing and no one can trust anyone else and then, game over, we are fucked. We may already be there. Its hard enough keeping your head above water without people fucking you over at every turn. We are all flawed and fragile and have issues, I get it. But we have to lift each other up and support each other. Thats how we improve ourselves and this world. Just please stop being so fucking self absorbed and think of the people around you. Being a good person is its own reward. Im not perfect, but im really trying and its not easy in this town. Addressed to no group in particular (in case you gender warriors wanted to start shit)

I Tried

I tried to love someone for the wonderful person that they are inside, but ran away in the other direction after being naked together. I'm no swimsuit model, but I can't fool myself - the chemistry has to be there.

I SAW YOU

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SAVAGE LOVE

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