Have been cropping up in my thoughts lately.
It wouldn’t be so bad but a lot of the memories are extremely unpleasant and It’s not fun revisiting those times. Stuff I haven’t even remotely thought of for years.
I recently switched to a different anti-depressant and I’m not enjoying this peculiar side effect.
I had a dream about someone from my past last night and it seemed so real. It left me missing them even more today. I wish we could still be friends, that we hadn't fucked it all up.
I was chatting with my ex , it has been awhile but. I noticed in the last few conversations have always revolved around men. He is always talking about men he saw hanging out at different places, guys chatting with him, checking him out.
Maybe. Is he is gay?
Which is great.
People are people.
But it all makes sense now, all the men talk.
Hes the one interested...
I confess that no matter how much my instinct tells me that this decision is the right one, I always end up second guessing myself. I drive myself crazy analyzing every part of it. Going over and over the what-ifs. I realize that I’ve become so used to not trusting myself after too many years of chaos resulting from trusting the wrong people. If I hadn’t made that decision to trust them, things would have likely been so different (and better), so how can I trust myself to make the right decision now? I find myself paralyzed by indecision far too often and its really had devastating effect on my life.
The last time I had a beer was in August and it made me realize that it just ain’t my thing anymore. I’ve been sober for almost six months now and enjoying my retirement from that whole partying and drinking lifestyle. No more waking up hungover in the morning. No more beer belly sagging over my belt. No more emptying my pockets. My body and mind feel a lot more clear now. There’s nothing left to say but so long.
My mum has been gone for 8 years. She died far too young. That said, if there is one thing I miss more than anything about her, it's her uncensored wit and sense of humour... exactly like Grace & Frankie. I don't know if it came with experience or with her social class, but I revered (as a male) her ability to swear in public like a pirate and do so with no apologies to anyone. She never tip-toed around anyone. She wasn't racist, she was just fiercely blunt. Her courage to speak up and be herself 100% of the time makes her my hero and something I long to fill the shoes of. She may not have had a lot of friends, but she didn't need it. The ones she had were loyal to her till the day she took her last breath. My dad's jealous sisters still talk shit behind her back, largely because they feared her I think and heard from her mouth what they didn't want to. Good on her. I don't know how she did it, but its the kind of bravery we could all use one in a blue moon. May she rest in peace.
If I could see light at the end of the tunnel... if I had something/anything to hold onto.... but I don't.
And I don't think I can hold on much longer....I feel desolate. I don't think I want you after this.
My roommates partner hid in my room to scare me today and it made me so angry. I don’t care if it sounds like I’m overreacting. I’m so irritated. Not only was he in my room completely uninvited, I didn’t invite him to grab me either. Nothing pisses me off faster than unwanted invasion of my personal space. Hide around the corner to startle me, for what purpose? I live in a kind of sketchy part of the city. I already look over my shoulder constantly. My home was broken into while I was present earlier this year. I’ve been followed home, I’ve had a stalker. Someone jumping out at me in my own home is not pleasant, or even slightly funny to me.
Keep your hands to yourself and stay out of my space! Why do people think it’s entertaining to make others uncomfortable or scared? Grow up!
I think that petting a strange cat's bottom is interspecies sexual abuse.
It's the most inevitable thing in our lives on earth and not worrying about makes me not worry about lesser life stresses and they are all lesser.