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Age and introspection

I'm struggling with turning 40 this year. I've overcome a great deal of adversity since I was a child and with health issues resulting from various traumas, but it's been a very difficult journey and continues to be with many other chronic invisible health issues. (Bad genes) From the outside, you can't tell, but it's taken a very heavy toll mentally, financially (I work, but not ft, and push through symptoms to varying degrees every day), and with trusting others. I've finally gotten to a place where I have cut out toxic people, limited contact with toxic family etc. and learned to not have people take advantage of me. Trusting others especially men due to sexual abuse is very difficult. I continue to go to therapy regularly (have for years) and am diligent about my health, but it is to no avail.... My case is complicated....with my physical health issues and mental health is treatment resistant though I still try..... Dating and finding an understanding, kind, partner has always been a struggle. I have taken long breaks after each awful thing, and not dated for 2 and a half years now, and not planning to soon. I think it's too late, and perhaps I'm too broken, and old as men typically want younger women. good, loyal, kind, compatible partners are few and far between. I'm thankful for the few I've met that were in my life in my past albeit a long time ago, but I'm human and we all want to find love and a connection with someone. Friends are kind, and say what a kind, strong person I am, but survival mode is all I've ever known. people from every walk of life, age, gender, and disabilities find love, but it's hard for me to see. Especially as I'm just not ready for it yet, and not trying. will I ever be? It's different as a woman, especially a single woman from my culture. I always held out for the foolish idea of love, but feel it's for other people. I just take things one at a time, continue to see specialists, doctors and get no respite from my mental and physical health issues. Without happiness and health, what does one have? It's a painful existence, especially keeping up a facade being in such pain. (Mentally and physically) My friends want to do something for me, and I just don't want to celebrate, but they said they would. So on a different note, how would you celebrate something you don't want to acknowledge? Not in a good headspace, so please be respectful and tactful with your replies. Thanks

The weather up here

Lately it has occurred to me that to a lot of people, I am pretty much a giant. I mean, I am not freakishly tall but I am well over 6 feet, which is taller than most people. I really haven't thought about how this might make other people feel. Sometimes I see someone from far away and think 'wow that dude is a giant' and I get closer and realize we are the same height. I find it really intimidating to be around someone who is even an inch or two tall than me, since it is pretty rare. Does that mean people are scared of me? Am I imposing? None of this has occurred to me before, that to some people I am pretty much a giant.

I can't help it

I check his social media accounts daily. I can see what he's doing, where and with who. I fell in love with him over 18 years ago when I was just a teenager. Our attempts at being together never seemed to line up because of misunderstandings or relationships. He still sees me from time to time, even though he has a girlfriend, even though I have a boyfriend. I know you'll tell me that I should stop seeing him, forget about him and move on. But I can't. Emotionally, physically, mentally I can't let go. I know you'll tell me how terrible of a person I am for what I'm doing. But I don't have the conscience to stop. I've tried the open relationship idea, but it's not for everyone and that's fair. For now all I can do is keep my head down, exercise, work, eat, sleep, repeat. But I know that if I keep going like this, I will regret it. I already do.

Seriously?

People who write messages on social media about 'acceptance' in this political climate need to check themselves. It's fine to say that people come from all walks of life and have unique experiences; this is true. But don't you DARE do that when you're talking about politicians who are unabashedly anti-gay and sexist. Anyone who supports that sort of idiocy deserves to be shit on. Period.

Water

I find that I have to gargle with listerine before I drink a glass of water because drinking water with bad breath first thing in the morning is disgusting.

Stockholm syndrome

I must have stockholm syndrome because I can’t stop inexplicably fantasizing about the other side’s mouth during heated arguments and fervent disagreement.

Straight to his head

My newly appointed manager's head is getting bigger as the days go by. He's been my *b word* since the 1st and he was OK until this week. If he changes things...whatever it may be....it's not going to be a good work environment. I'm already wound up...don't push my buttons because there are many of them at this point and you like to touch.

I admit

Im insane but i seriously just want to eye fuck her all day

A good day!

Well I think it’s about time that I post something positive. Today was a very good day and I feel genuinely happy for the first time is a while. Two of my (grown) children are happy and not in need of my help for a change. Huge sigh of relief! I finally got a great haircut and I was told by a total stranger that they couldn’t believe my age (I’m a senior) when they found out, because they genuinely thought I was in my 40’s. All in all, in spite of the regular shite that is my life recently, it’s a very good day!

Not exactly sure when pedestrians lost the right-of-way.

Sign turns to WALK, you step down, turning car BOLTS by your face, you step back or die. Gotcha! New popular BC sport for losers. And once you're in the crosswalk, cars are literally nipping at your heals and cutting between pedestrians. To go where? In Ontario, we used to laugh about speeders with: they're going 150 KPH to Barrie! But this pedestrian bullying is new to here. Why are there no cops ticketing this stuff? or any of our horribly dangerous driver scenarios? Seems Vancouver area police resources are focused on DANGEROUS transit fare evasion.

I SAW YOU

Server at Gerard Lounge

You’re a server at the Gerard Lounge in the Sutton Place Hotel. You’re tall, brunette, and a...

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