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Don't bother job shaming me

Sure, I don't make a lot of money and my current job may not seem like the most glamorous, but before you decide to judge or pity me consider this: I am not being micro-managed all day by some crazy boss and I am not getting constantly bullied and belittled in front of others. I don't have a 2 hour commute to and from work every day, and I am allowed to work from home. I get to avoid the all too common office politics, and am still able to have good relations with positive management and coworkers. I am not in a bad place.

Mortality and life

What would you do if you were faced with a serious surgery? I have struggled with a great deal of adversity since I was a child, with illness (thanks for the terrible genes, abuse etc.) and tried to always operate from a place of kindness and empathy only to be screwed over. My health issues are very complex and resulted in significant pain, loss, grief, and a loss of autonomy despite my trying everything under the sun to no avail and countless specialists. You quickly realize the people that are truly there for you when you're chronically ill and most people don't care.... I've always wondered why some people suffer so much and throughout their lives while terrible people don't.... Far too many good, kind people in the same boat as me that deserve so much better and want so little. Just to be healthy to work, be active, and have normalcy. One thing that's been hard is not being touched. I don't mean sexually, but just held, and feeling safe in someone's arms. I've given up on meeting someone as good men are few and far between, let alone one that would be with someone so sick although you couldn't tell from looking at me. I read this study about how men leave women at a rate seven times higher with a partner with illness yet women stay through thick and thin..... Yet, I still wish I had someone to laugh with, and do regular things with, but it can't happen..... It's been several years now. I had friends try to encourage me to date, but due to sexual abuse and PTSD, I have difficulty trusting men, and have been hurt too much. So, what would you do? I'm in the high risk group and have to stay home usually, and my symptoms while awaiting surgery are very difficult where I'm very fatigued. I don't know what to do... Please be kind I'm struggling with this surgery as is and appreciate advice. Thanks.

I miss my mother, but I'm glad she's dead

She died during Covid, not of covid but isolated in an assisted living building. By now, she would have hated been cooped up in her room with nothing to do. By now, she would have become too lonely not having anyone allowed to visit her. So, I'm glad she's gone. She died in April with her dignity intact. Still, I hold her in my heart and hope that wherever she's gone, it's a good place.

Wishful Thinking

Sometimes my mind wanders to my ex. It usually ends up being a pretty bad time because of how she wanted things to be between us. I usually end up in a rut and feeling worthless. I have to climb out myself and try to ignore those thoughts. Sometimes I just wish she’d be candid and apologize. It would at least confirm I wasn’t wrong for caring about her as person. But because she never does, I’m stuck thinking she never gave a single fuck about me. As in, never considered how I might feel, or bothered to do something good about it, or maybe even puts no value on the feelings of others. I just feel worthless and dehumanized. I wish I was free of these thoughts. Maybe I’m still in denial about what happened. Or maybe I’m just feeling self-absorbed this weekend. Thanks for hearing my rant.

I'm In Love

With an inanimate object. How can the SpaceX Dragon 2 be such an adorable, fat, little rocket?

Oh, it's coming, all right.

I went to get a late nite snack and decided to go to Granville Street on Saturday night. I was stunned. A whole block cordoned with police cars and multitudes of people clubbing. No social distancing at all. Throngs of people clustered closely. It looked like spring break in Florida. Not even the police wore masks. It takes weeks to show symptoms, & one superspreader can infect hundreds in one go. It's not just getting sick, it's the months of rehab that people don't think about as you recover & we don't have the infrastructure for that volume. I notice wherever there is alcohol in the equation, there are large clusters, no masks, no social distancing. Every potentially dangerous scenario involves open consumption of booze along with futile, naive attempts to ask people to do the right thing. It's not happening at all, stupid leaders & medical experts. Open your eyes. Worse, the city wants to allow open liquor at over 20 parks & open plazas. Are they insane!? We can’t get people to be careful as is & we want to increase chances of spread!? We are screwed. Just wait. It's coming & the next wave will be far more brutal than the first because many of you think it's over, that it's not so bad, that it's a hoax, that the odds are in your favor... just like those who were decimated in the last pandemic. You'll see, & I don't care if you believe; you're practically dead to me already.

Dang

Just found out I lived next to an apartment tower that had a drug lab with a grenade for an insurance policy; and, I thought I lived in a nice neighbourhood, tsk.

I feel like an idiot

I confess: I’m a sucker for people I love. I’m generous with whatever I have, and I don’t have much. But I’m doing a slow burn right now as I’m doing without luxuries like vacations, new clothes, stuff for my place, while watching the people who owe me a bunch of money carry on like they’ve not a care in the world. I loaned these people money in good faith, with their promises to pay me back quickly. They’ve both got way more income coming in than I do, plus they’ve been eligible for rent reductions and other covid related financial arrangements. So apparently they now feel free to spend the money they’re not spending on rent and car payments, etc, on extras for themselves, completely ignoring the fact that they’re supposed to be paying me back! So yeah, I feel like an idiot for being stupid enough to trust that they would respect me enough to pay me back before they spend on luxuries that they don’t need. Lesson has finally been thoroughly absorbed now though. The bank of “me” is officially closed. I don’t care how dire your situation is from now on; you’ve shown your true colours and I won’t be fooled again.

Is this a joke?

People don't have money in Vancouver, but now they're all paying for food delivery? Even people on EI eat out more than I do. I'm seriously a grinch, eh? I don't see why anyone bothers try anymore. This is all gonna blow up in our face and hard-working people will have to clean-up the next recession mess.... but on the scale it might occur at, I am doubtful we can really do the heavy lifting next time.

I SAW YOU

Quick interaction on your way to sunbathing

We spoke briefly this afternoon as you were heading out to go sunbathing. I was wearing kahki&...

EPITAPHS

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