Confessions

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Shush!

Every time your story paints you in a bad light, you go and you change your entire story. Don't keep trying to tell me I did something wrong. We both know you're a big nosed liar! And I guarantee that surround you know it to, they just don't tell you to your face because they don't want to have to put up with that indignant and petty side of you.

My little boy

My little boy is 5 years old and I’m starting to realize that my boy will be my boy. He loves dancing and singing more than sports and cars. I LOVE sports and cars and I used to dream of sharing this love with my son. But most of all, I love him the most. I’m not going to push sports on him and I’m going to sing my heart out with him like he wants me to. I’m just getting used to all this.

Holden

"Holden... Holden!..." I heard a woman calling her cat (I assume it was a cat, it was small and not responding what ever it was). I immediately thought of Holden Caulfield - who else is named Holden? I stopped to watch to see what a cat named Holden Caulfield looked like. She saw me looking.

Not White

Maybe they just ghosted me because they found out that I'm not fully white. I've had people before suddenly lose all respect for me, and looked at me as if I was beneath them the moment they found out that I'm biracial and not really one of them. That would suck if they were really like that.

Uneasy Question

I don't want to ask my friends if they are thinking about having a second kid because: a) I would think that they are crazy or greedy. b) it means they're gonna have to move far, far away.

Emotional Abuse

I confess that I have been guilty of doing this to my own children. When I think it of now that they are all adults, I wish I could go back in time and never do that; yelling from frustration, paying more attention to chores than to their emotional needs, generally allowing my own stress and problems and unhappiness to interfere with my main job as a mother. After so much time to reflect and so many visits to therapists, it's clear that I was simply repeating the pattern I was raised with, without ever being conscious at the time about what I was doing, and the long-term damage I was causing. I was emotionally and physically abused as a child. I had no real role model to learn from when it came to having a loving relationship with a parent. I was taken care of physically, but completely neglected emotionally, and verbally abused constantly. I grew up with zero self-esteem. I felt unloved by both parents. As a result, I've entered into multiple relationships over time with men who were also emotionally abusive and / or physically abusive, because as much as I intellectually knew that it wasn't acceptable, I was so used to be treated badly that I tolerated things I shouldn't have. I guess I was just so used to it, and I was so desperate to be loved. Emotional abuse is insidious. It will gradually wear the person down to the point that they are so damaged they can barely function. It leaves more scars than physical abuse, because they're inside where no one can see them, so often times people don't understand how much damage has been done to the victim. An emotional abuser doesn't behave badly in front of other people for the most part. They save it for behind closed doors. By the time you realize what's happened, the damage is done. Now I'm trying hard to recover from my latest emotionally abusive relationship, and wishing that I could really explain how bad it was, and why I've become so dysfunctional as a result. I have apologized profusely to my children, and hope that they never repeat the pattern like I did. I'm trying to move forward in my life, and now that I am aware of it, I hope to never become involved in that type of relationship again. Thanks for listening.

Poor travellers

I see tourists being scammed all the time by the weird balding short guy who hangs out around the skytrain stations downtown. I told a few people as I walked by from time to time if I saw them bringing their wallets out that he is a scammer but I’m scared now he might hurt me. Something about him pisses me off that he’s lived for at least 12 years scamming people. He tried a few times with me when I first moved here, always a different story to get some money. Anyways, if anyone is reading this beware of the short balding man, he’s a liar hahaha.

Other people's mail

I don't get much mail other than the occasional bill and various fliers. I have such an urge to steal some "return to sender" mail (especially letters or cards) open and read them just to get something different in the mail and to read about someones life I haven't done it....yet

Public hospitals

The biggest mistake the hospital ever made was to have COOs and CEOs running it like a business. If you ever why you are often hurried out of the hospital or discharged really quickly before you even can heal, look to the bosses. Don't take your anger out on nurses and other staff who work so hard to keep you healthy.

Poly isn't healthy or sustainable

I was part of the "poly community" for about 10 years, and: 1. It's kind of a cult 2. It was usually super misogynistic 3. None of the relationships I saw were healthy, happy, long-term functional. It's a great system in theory for casually dating ethically when you're highly independent, but every attempt at long-term /more serious I saw basically broke down into: 1. People who weren't right for each other but didnt want to be alone while they kept looking 2. People who were too dysfunctional for a relationship spreading that dysfunction out between multiple people so it was manageable 3. One partner who was an asshole who traditionally would have just cheated but instead gaslights the partner they dont respect into being ok with it 4. Couples who were super into each other using other people as 2-dimensional sex toys / free counselors

The state of the world

Why are we all FORCED to like everyone and everything about the world or we are bad people. Just because I feel I don't agree with national selfie day or any other day I have to keep it to myself or be told I'm a bad person... Example - I'm straight. I am SO happy to live somewhere where people can be in any type of relationship they want to be in. This makes me feel good that people can be in Canada and totally be themselves! Way to go human race. BUT - Just because you don't like someone of the opposite sex or YOU are confused about YOUR sex why does this mean I have to go to great lengths to "support" you? I read a post saying if a bakery won't do a cake for a gay marriage every straight person should boycott them. Why? They just don't agree with your lifestyle, big deal. Some people don't agree with drinking, or Islam or whatever it may be. It's ok. We don't all have to agree with what the other people or peoples are doing but if you're not hurting anyone else why should you be chastised for thinking differently.

Going Dutch

Just because you want to move on doesn’t mean all the things your did are forgiven. You think simply not talking to someone is the “adult” way to handle things. It’s simply the most cowardly way to ignore the ramifications of your own choices. Life goes on. But you will forever be remembered as a weak little person who could not think or act with decency or respect.

If The Cap Fits

I have other hats, but my favourite one is from one of those trendy but overpriced corporate cratfy beer places with edgy slogans. In the merhchandise section, I just put the hat on and walked out.

Spare Change

The only people I give money to on the street is people from Women's Rape Relief.

I SAW YOU

The SkyTrain from Coq

I saw you really dark long jet black I think , but you walked toward me . I wonder were we both...

SAVAGE LOVE

Savage Love: Men making mouth music mistakes

I was discussing my lack of oral sex with Sam and he said he’d be willing to “help me out”.