Search confessions

On Love and Completeness

The manic pixie dream girl was supposed to complete me! In the Hollywood plot the male protagonist is generally doing fine but needs to save the hot slightly moody creative girl from her slight moodiness, and she can in turn save him by being hot and creative. Instead, she turned out to be far more complicated, and the glimpses into her life made me wonder what the hell was wrong with me if this is the love I think I deserved. I wanted sex not existential crisis!

heart beats

Only seen my love interest for a few brief moments,felt my heart swell.downtown...harbour center around 3:30ish pm. You'd think after 5 years of zero nil contact that Id be over you. Still though ....many have tried ...but none of them are you. :)

Best night under the stars

Typically I wouldn't meet with strangers. However,a few months ago I got to talking with this tall dark and mysterious man. His roomates were out of town,and invited me (and 3 othors )and my pup over for a bbq. Even went to buy some red wine,yet sort of confused me when he was flirting with the short blonde chick. BUT,after waiting to get into the bathroom after drinking a few rounds-he kissed me discretely. Lol...later on that evening he was holding her hand.Asked if I wanted to "sit closer". I went for it ...that got some nearby pedestrians pointing at us. What got me fucked up was thay joint,seriously staggered down to the beach,and they followed with a blanket and pillows. Didnt quite expect to wake up to the sun,with these humans... Made for an interesting turn of events... I really wish I didnt sneak away at 5am without getting # Wondering if I could spring up by that place unanounced.

I want to tell him I love him

I already know he loves me, even though he hasn't said it (has eluded to it many times, but knows it might scare me away). I don't want to complicate things, or have our relationship change because I'm happy, satisfied, and healthily comfortable. He knows it and I know it so why bother right...But tonight I thought to myself, if something were to happen to one of us, how I'd dread never physically saying "I love you" in a very honest and meaningful way. And the romantic in me is thriving at the idea. But such things can't be undone, and I'm equally scared of changing something so good. *sigh*

I believe in me

My life has been in a downward spiral for some time now. I have coped with multiple medical problems, lost a career and my financial future as a result, been in an emotionally abusive on and off relationship that has drastically affected my feelings of confidence and self esteem, and I’ve just generally looked (from the outside) as though I’m a complete mess. I’ve withdrawn from most people and have experienced depression, that’s true. However, those issues have been just steps along my path. I’m on an inner journey that no one can see. I’ve always had this internal faith that somehow I will be okay. I’ll land on my feet once again. I’ve turned inward because the outside world kept hurting me and I needed to step away from it in order to regain some sense of who I am now, and stop comparing myself to who I was before life broke me so badly. But those people who choose to sit in judgement of me without having the benefit of knowing my internal story, keep insisting that I need to do what they think I should do. That somehow me panicking, being afraid, and running around frenetically will make everything all better. But if they could see inside my head they’d see not only the despair, but my inner calmness about it as well. The steps I’m taking may not be obvious to anyone else who can only view them from the outside, but that doesn’t mean that I’m not taking them. It’s just that when you’re teetering on the edge of a volcano, you need to take very cautious steps to avoid falling into the inferno. So I’d just like those people who are annoyed watching me not “doing” anything to either stop looking or talk to me about what’s really going on and why. I’d appreciate some of the support and trust that I’ve so freely offered to them for their whole lives. Telling me how to do it your way is entirely unhelpful and actually makes things more difficult and confusing to someone who is doing their utmost to keep their head above the water line and out of the inferno. Right now I’m still swimming even though at times I’m just treading water. I’m very good at it you see. I’ve had a lifetime of saving myself and I don’t intend to stop now.

I tend to swipe left on all of them

They are all imperfect in so many ways that online dating is a disaster. I would to meet my hollywood hunk boy toy.


... that going thru this winter makes me anxious. I’m not, and have not ever been, a stay at home type of person. But I’m very risk adverse and all those things I used to do (gym, movies, clubs, bars, restaurants) are off limits. So what am I going to do with myself? I can only go jogging for so long. What am I going to do when it’s dark at 4pm, raining and there’s nothing going on and I avoid all my friends again for the next 6 months? I guess get a headlamp and just walk around the city? How is everyone else planning on getting through winter?

More than two years ago

I gave up the drink and I gave up a man. I see the hurt I caused him now that I've healed the hurt he caused me. I was so confused and now it all makes sense. I wish we could reverse the tape and I could help him understand too so he doesn't make the same mistakes next time ripping up his and other people's hearts but I can't. It would open our addictive connection and wreak havoc. I guess I'll just have to leave this here and hope he gets the message.

Work Buddy

We've never spoken but I know I'm not so alone working on my computer all day because I can see the neighbour across the alley doing the same.

Over and under

I am so over the stereotypical perfectly shaped woman. I want someone who loves their life, is kind, makes me a better person—- and frankly I used to only go for skinny / tight abs/ long legs.... you know the type.... the ones who work every day to look a certain way. Nothing wrong with taking care of your health and body but the girls who don’t eat and spend 2 hours a day working out and obsess about their weight ? Soooo over it. I want someone who loves themselves. Like enough to have thickness of god intended thickness. There will be people saying “ but obesity is bad”! Give your head a shake and redefine body types and how we stigmatize. Someone who loves themselves will be a better healthier person. Mental health matter too, guys! Grab a girl who is proud of who they are!


Lakewood and Dundas

You: The prettiest girl I've ever seen. Short shorts. Burgundy hair. Hourglass bod. Kind of...


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