I have soft-core erotic dreams of making love to beautiful women. It's all foreplay though, with nudity and fondling, but never goes as far as any penetration of any kind. It's like my brain is censoring my sex fantasies.
I have no idea what to do at a bar. I find myself shy, overwhelmed, and bored at the same time. I'm not keen on alcohol either. Though I would love to sit in a dimly lit cozy environment and hear how people are thinking and feeling while drinking something soothing and healthy. Maybe there's also a designated people who give hugs each night... I just realized that I used to have all these things with my roommates and our friends for many years before we lost our house a year ago. I desperately miss my home and the family I once had.
I'm completely enamored by my male co-worker. I know the truisms "don't dip your pen in the company ink" but I sure wish he'd dip his pen in mine.
I tried cocaine for the first time in my life. My tongue felt so numb and my throat became dry. I started talking really fast and then my hands got all fidgety. Other than that, nothing serious happened. It just didn’t do it for me. Thankfully, I did not get hooked and I have no interest in putting that powder up my nose ever again. See ya.
From time to time, I sit and I cry thinking about all the people who aren't here anymore because they died of AIDS-related illnesses. These people are missing from our world, from our communities. People who aren't so different from me or my friends. I won't get HIV because I have access to PrEP. My friends who have HIV will likely live long and healthy lives, because they have access to effective treatment. But that's not true for everyone living with HIV, even today.
There is so much I want to say. But there is a danger to cracking the airtight seal that keeps all of my words safe inside of me. I might unleash an ocean of emotion that drowns everyone who dares to listen.
a very sweet, kind lady bought my lunch today in New West.
The restaurant was very busy and I told her to go ahead of me in the take-out line because she was on her work break and I had the whole day off.
She then paid for my order and left before I had a chance to thank her.
Thank you, thank you!!
You're an incredible, generous person.
I'll be sure to pay it forward.
I used to want them, but I’ve had depression and anxiety for as long as I can remember. It’s difficult for me to take care of myself. I’ve realized this year that I may never be a fit parent, and have decided to let that dream go.
I know this very pretentious guy who himself plays very poor jazz/blues guitar who constantly puts down guitarists I admire like Stevie Ray Vaughn and Eric Clapton, both of whom he called “hacks”.
Yeah, I won’t be discussing music with this snob anytime soon.
I have addictions and mental health in my family...and because the family member chooses not to seek professional help (drug and alcohol counselling, mental health assessment), I need to re-explain every year to this family member why it's best to not visit, depending on the mental state they get it and sometimes don't. It's strange I sometimes share with people this and some not, and people don't get it; why I choose not to be subjected to yelling, mania and watching someone binge and drink and numb over the holidays. I honestly wish someone would invite me to their dinner, I think because I appear high functioning, and share my story like 'I'm handling it', they don't know that it would still be nice to be taken in and invited to a peaceful meal where no one is upset. Volunteering might be the best way to be with people and not be alone, but remember the holidays are not easy for everyone, if someone says 'I'm not sure what I'm doing for Christmas' and you know you've got a dinner planned and plenty of food, just invite them, even if they don't accept just say they are welcome anytime to stop by. And yeah, I could plan my own meal and invite people, but I don't know people who have a similar 'let's do our own Christmas away from crazy, dysfunctional families'.