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Best Before Date

11.06.17 - is tattooed on me, stage 4 cancer sucks. My last tattoo will be my expiry date, when that time draws near. For now, I will press on... eat, drink and be merry. I raise my glass to my friends, family and enemies who all played a key roll in my life, all 46 years. - Life would have been too boring.

All I Want For Christmas

It's to move into a pet friendly place and adopt or foster a couple of cats.

Tinder Dating in Vancouver as a Young Guy

Dating, like most things in life, isn't a lottery- it's practical actions and results. Take Tinder. As a girl, you're guaranteed to get approximately 100x more right swipes than a guy. This means girls pick which guy they talk to, not vice versa. So what does this mean for men? You need quality and quantity. Step 1: Get a good profile. Find all the best pictures with you in them. Look up criteria for good pictures - there are tons of web pages dedicated to it. Take the ones you're missing. Order matters. Step 2: Review your profile. Run it by your close guy friends, then your close girl friends (We're going to assume you have friends here. Heck, they can be online friends.) Girls know what girls want, and the girl you want to date is going to be similar to your friends 100% of the time, at least in some ways. Put in the time. Step 3: Get tinder gold. Why? because you're not just idly swiping right and looking at pictures, you want a Girlfriend. What's a bit of money if it means a chance at something real? Step 4: Settings. Make them as open as possible. Increase age range to slightly outside your comfort zone, widest area you're okay to meet someone. After all, you're still learning how to date - don't expect to meet the girl of your dreams next week! Real dating is NOT instant gratification. Step 5: swipe fast. Just swipe right as fast as you can, swipe left if it's an instant no. It's awful to unmatch people without saying anything, but guys don't really have a choice if they're looking to meet people on Tinder. Think of it as adding your name to the list of guys women can pick. Swiping keeps you active on tinder, and since you have gold you don't need to do it that often. No point reading a ton of profiles of people you will never meet (unless you're looking for inspiration for yours). Step 6: Once you match - Ask questions. Don't ACT interested, BE interested. There's someone on the other end of the phone you might want to meet, act like it! Be your most interesting self, match her tone/vibe/energy/prose/emoji style/punctuation (whatever you want to call it) and engage with her. She knows nothing about you, so don't tell her "work was good today", tell her you're really happy about making friends with a co-worker 2 weeks ago, or that you're excited to go see a movie tomorrow. Step 7: Asks! People usually decide if they could be interested in dating very quickly. If it's going well, ask for one of her insta/snapchat/phone number. You can always ask for the others later. Once you get her phone number, give yourself a 24hr window to ask her out. By now you should know where she might like to go, maybe give her a couple of options? BE INTERESTING. If she loves coffee, don't say Starbucks, find a coffee place you've never been to and see if there's a dessert place nearby. Have a plan. Or three! Step 8: Confirm the day of. I don't mean "are we still on?", I mean "How about I pick you up at 6:45 and we can bus/cab/ride over together". Always assume she's as excited as you are until you know different - be confident! And remember, you're doing this for yourself, so smile and have fun!

Put down the lash glue

Honest thought from a woman to women: you don’t look good or better or hot with fake eyelashes. It looks nasty and it’s not achieving what you think. You look crusty and like you’re hiding something. Like your feelings of worthlessness. And while you’re at it, stop drawing Instagram eyebrows on with a jiffy marker. Are you a stage actor where the bright lights will wash you out from your audience sitting 400 feet away from you? No you’re a cashier. And your terrible attempt at makeup is a catastrophe from 2 feet away. You would look better, and you’d be richer, if you stopped buying fake eyelashes and lash glue and jiffy markers for your face. You underestimate how already great you are, and ruin it with these expensive theatrics. Repeat after me: I don’t need the shit ton of makeup that society thinks I do. Yes honey, believe in yourself.

Plastic

Birds and fish are eating it and dying. Stop wrapping your bananas and your milk cartons in it. Why? I don’t get it. Makes me furious.

Lonely

I am very lonely. For years I thought all I wanted was to be left alone, that I am an introvert, that I don't need people. But I was wrong! I have spend my whole life pushing people away, and now when I wish I could call someone and do something social, I have no one.

Hollandaise Sauce

People seem to stick up for it. They flock around it and glorify it. Personally, I found it completely lacking in style and stamina. Mostly it was just limp and lacking in any real depth. Thankfully, we get to choose our sauces and that is one I am glad to do without. Sad sorry sauce for sill simple suckers.

Another Concert Filmer

At least this dude was using an actual camera. I couldn't help but wonder, if he's such a big fan, where he was during the encore?

I really miss.....

my wife's pre-childbirth vagina.....she does too.

SNOW

On come snow, I like it. This time last year there was heaps downtown. Please come soon. (Said from someone who doesn't drive, so I know true Vancouverites are going to hate it).

People and their dogs

A lot of people with dogs don't really seem to like their dogs. I see them out walking, they are impatient and angry with the animal. Why get a dog if you don't want to deal with it. I wouldn't want a dog, so I don't have one. But you don't seem to want a dog either, yet you have one. People and their dogs.

RE/Entitled

I'm glad someone told the truth about Generation X. Gen X is a sacred cow with this subject for some reason. The Characteristics that created great art in the late 80's and early 90's are the characteristics that make a generation miserable bastards today. Self-absorbed, bitter and selfish. Gen X is small and mostly forgotten so we're not in the spotlight like the Millennial's and the Baby-Boomer's so we're flying under the radar but ultimately we suck. We certainly thought we were clever because of our enormous superiority complex but if someone was to write a book about my generation today (They wouldn't) It would be 6 chapters on how a generation ran out of ideas in about 1994 and haven't done much since. The final chapter of the book would be called: Sell Out Old. A generation taking whatever it can to get a leg up in life at any cost.

sex doll

I've been used by girls for sex for a long time now. It's made me feel completely worthless and like a piece of garbage. The last two sort of relationships (if you could even call them that) made it very clear that all they wanted was sex. I wish they would have said that from the beginning instead of trying to trick me into thinking they wanted me so that it would be easier to have sex with me. If I knew that all they wanted was to hookup then I wouldn't have invested my time into them. I blocked both of their numbers. By the way, I wasn't seeing them at the same time just to make that clear. I felt instant relief when I blocked them. I deserve better and I've been so lonely that I just take the abuse to have "intimate" human contact. I would rather be alone and respect myself than be a doormat to a girl who just decides to throw her clothes back on because she got her fix and leave without barely saying goodbye. Only texts me late at night to invite me over and in the morning tells me she has things to do... Every single time.. I get that people are busy but I'm not stupid. It really hurts. I feel so unwanted. I was in a 5 year relationship. She cheated on me and I had my guard up for a very long time after we broke up. I had JUST let it down before meeting these two girl and now unfortunately I'm putting it back up. I just don't trust anyone anymore. I wish I didn't feel this way but if I'm hurt one more time.. I just can't take it. Please don't use men or women who are looking for a relationship for sex. If you only want to hook up TELL THEM. Don't waste their time. That seriously makes you a fucking bitch. I live around these people too so I'll probably see them. I'm not even going to give them the time of day.. I can imagine them approaching me trying to explain their behavior so that they can keep me around their finger for a quick fuck. I'm not a sex doll. I'm a sensitive, kind, loving, caring human being with emotions. Anyway, at this point I feel I'm rambling. Thanks for reading have a nice day.

What I really hate is

Those gold digging, self entitled, jealous, makeup abusing types, that will play a person, lead them on into thinking that they really care (even if they're currently with someone else), but all they really care about is what that person does to inflate their ego. If they see their subject moving on, that's when the jealousy really kicks in, and they'll try to play that person into a position in order to get some cold hard revenge on them for straying away. Once their revenge is complete they cry victimhood, and it was the other person that was abusive. Total sociopathic behavior.

I SAW YOU

Candian trivia in a Squamish kitchen

Hey Bronwyn, you were up visiting my roommate last week. We played this circa 1980's...