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I'm sad about the election

There were only 6 Parties running in my district. There should have been one more candidate so we had 7 Parties. We need the 7 Party system. One Party every night of the week.

Confessions are a very useless tool.

Unless they're for the purpose of having an life improving experience, I always want to have my mistakes mean something. In the case of an addiction it's the same smell, feel and sight almost every single gut wrenching circular ark of insanity. I know tomorrow is Ground Hog Day, but am unable to nothing to prevent that stupid (but so funny the first time I watched it movie) from being played over and over and even again, again over. Helpless is a man in this cycle of self abuse. I'm too smart to help myself, I need another empathetic human being to help me. So please this my pray help me! (tears) help me for God I can not help myself!

Music lover

I love all kinds of music but country.I can’t seem to get into that style.Punk,Jazz,Rap,Folk even Opera,I’ll listen too.

I confess.

I have no idea how to deal with my roomate. We live in a recovery house together, in my opinion he feels a lot entitltlement to avaible space and really I should just leave his room altogether. Six hooks for coats one hook given to myself be grudgeningly. His time is always when he is in the room so I've been moved out of a room I was in first for all entense and purposes. I'm a very loud inconvenience. There is so much more but laying it all out would only serve to pick at the wound and likely bring about this poor young pos's death. I've put myself on a wait list for treatment. I just so badly want to kill this young man, because I have very inadequate coping and problem solving skills. I need this treatment very badly, I also relapse last night, not because wha wha of all of this. Nope much simpler I wanted to get high. When me and high see each other, well shit it's like when I see her come hither baby. Help me God I need you right now for myself, for her and for a better way. Father who art in heaven help this broken pos of white trash!! Oh and bring chicken! (Joking, but seriously bring KFC and root beer please)

Excited and scared

I recently contacted a family friend who I haven't seen in years and I will be so excited if they reply because they were such a huge part of my life in the past. I am hoping to see them again in the near future and will be the happiest person ever if this happens. This is the week that I will go outside of my comfort zone and do things I've always wanted to do. Maybe I'll even ask out an awesome guy instead of procrastinating and being shy as usual. We'll see how this week goes. Wish me luck!

Thick Shell, Deep Ruts

I have wonderful things to share with humanity. But I am afraid, so people will probably never see what I have to share or who I truly am. I have allowed the demons of distraction, unworthiness, postponement, complacency, and others to keep me small and mediocre. I still hope to break free, but I think it gets a bit less likely every day.

I'm not going to lie

I'm not going to lie. I've lived here for over 8+ years and I still feel like i don't belong. I find that although people here are bubbly, 'happy' and friendly; there is a lack of honesty. I wish people meant it when they say things like 'Oh! I'm so happy to see you!' or 'We should really hang out!'. Don't try having a multitude of friends to show off on your birthday pictures. Have a handful and see them often, spend quality time with them. Learn how to love the people around you with their qualities and imperfections. Do you have a friend who doesn't have family here? Try offering them a chair in your thanksgiving or christmas table <3

The unbearable

loneliness of being. I once said, that I had a solid attitude towards solitude. Of course, this could be so much further from the truth. It’s October, and the streets are littered with what-if’s and could-be memories. The soggy paper leaves read like torn love letters, they cling to my boots and I carry them home. The fall makes me want to hold hands with something other than dying trees. Clinging to warmth, cupping hot soups and burning my hasty tongue. Speaking of hasty tongues, mine gets me into trouble. But worse, my reckless heart. I cannot help my passion from spilling out, it’s like I have a leak in me. My sea-sick lover tethered and cursed to drown. Alas, they wriggle free. For now I’ll read too much badly written erotica, and imagine a man who isn’t a ghost I hold hands with in the fall.

In retrospect

Our connection was divine. Hypnotic, even. The intimacy was transcendent. Best sex of my life, too. The avoidant attachment issues, the drinking, the oblique hints about severe benzo dependency, the suspicion, the rejection - not so much. That part was agony, mostly. Given a couple of years to reflect, I find myself in agreement. Not meant to be. But still... My life has very few regrets, and not just because I should have been dead long ago. But this regret, for the way it was with us, will linger. "If only" should be a four-letter word.

Old knowledge

I figured something out..lol Your mind never really changes . Sure you grow older, learn things thru life lessons, some adversitys may change you a bit. The thing is your body ages but your mind stays young, feels the same from your childhood. Old saying " young at heart". I truly beleive that. So next time you see some older man or woman hanging around looking all tired and worn out! Never forget "the minds in those bodies still feels like 21". Lol All Raring to go. Its just their dam bodies given them trouble. Wearing out. Odd huh

I SAW YOU

Langara Parking

I was looking for the parking lot Yvonne and we discussed dinner. Shall we make it happen? Shawn

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