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Breathe in and out

I went off weed edibles for a month so that I could clear my head. Now, I’m back on just to see how my mind works again. Only this time I won’t over indulge like I used to. I think once a week would be better rather than every day.

Two Cents

I can’t taste a thing. It’s wild. Can’t smell either. It’s like chewing goji berries and eating sour cream but different. I know this is merely a covid novelty - but do the senses come back? Online I read maybe 4-6 weeks. I suppose it’s a great time to go on a diet. Perhaps this is a sneak peak to what my taste buds will be like in my senior years. Coffee has no flavour but the warmth and the mouth feel of it are still satisfying. I hear people recover with souvenirs from covid. Extreme aversions to meat, strong scents, caffeine… It’s almost like being bitten by a radioactive mosquito where a strange super power you never even knew you had is taken away from you. I’m curious and afraid what I will recover with. I hope I don’t lose coffee.

What’s the point

My mom died when I was 30. Eight years have passed now and so much has changed. Even though the loss was earth-shattering for me, I somehow managed to make a lot of forward movement in my life. Despite having a loving husband and dogs, I feel so lonely without my mom. She truly was my best friend and it’s been so hard to fill the giant hole she’s left in my heart and life. I depended so much on her friendship and have made many efforts to make new friends in recent years. But I’ve just had a series of disappointments. Efforts and care that have not been reciprocated, flakiness and people not showing up for me when I’ve needed them the most… I wear my heart on my sleeve and work in a profession that requires me to care for the emotional needs of others but don’t have friends that show their care for me. Thank goodness for my husband and my dogs. I wouldn’t have survived this nightmare if it wasn’t for their love. I’m honestly just so tired……….. :(

Back at the office

Oh my godddddddddddd, back at the office it's soooooo quietttttttttt yet there's all these people sitting in such close proximity. Why didn't I notice how weird this was. I want to run naked down the hallway. Make it stopppppp

Breathe and move on

I’m too tired to rehash the same bullshit from my past. It’s really getting old, boring and exhausting. I need to start thinking forward and take action. Action speaks louder than words. If I’m going to change my life for the better, then I need to do something about it instead of talking about it so much.

Giving up

Far too many times in my life I’ve been treated as if I’m disposable or not good enough. I’m sure it goes all the way back to infancy, so I’m not going to get into all that. But I’m old now and although it’s taken me all this time to figure out the patterns I’ve endlessly repeated, I finally have. So I’ve given up on trying with those types. I realize that for some people in my life, nothing I do is ever going to be enough. They will never be satisfied. They will continue to set that “good enough” bar higher and higher. So even though my love doesn’t end, my efforts to please them will. I’m so sad but I feel a sense of relief too.

Aww Shucks

I'm a grown man, but I always tear up when I watch Anne of Green Gables.

no longer my problem

My former industry is crying for experienced people like myself but I have no sympathy after all the inventive ways they came up with to take advantage of me since the 2008 recession.

Fuck being friends

Why would someone want to just be friends after a hot, passionate love affair didn’t work out? We were so attracted to each other but terrible as a couple. When it’s over, it’s over no more staying in my life.

Jumping (or not) thru hoops

Looking for a new job and not willing to do the “projects” anymore. I spent an entire weekend doing an “assignment” for an organization. Making it perfect down to the pixel. I didn’t get the job after spending 30 hours on the assignment. At another company, they’re asking me to make a video, before I have even ever spoke to anyone in the company for the job. Knowing the perfectionist than I am, I would probably spend another entire weekend on it. But im not doing it. Being a talking head is not what I do or in the job description. Im not jumping through these ridiculous hoops anymore for “the chance” to work for these companies. Interview me, face to face or virtually, ask to see my actual work. Now that I know how these companies hire, I will never spend money patronizing their businesses.

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