In a long time I legitimately have feelings for someone. I have for about a year, and there's some history between us, but the long and the short of it is, she's just not that into me. I see a lot of people on here complaining about these type of scenarios. I don't mean to judge, we all experience life differently. But for me, I'm not even sad the feelings don't go both ways. Obviously I'd prefer if it was mutual, but I'm just happy I can still feel this way about someone. It's been 6 years since the last time I truly cared about someone like this. I was beginning to think I couldn't anymore.
I don’t care enough to overreact to immature situations. I’d much rather laugh than cause a scene.
So a friend of mine and I are making plans to hangout for lunch or dinner.. We haven’t seen each other in a long time. He’s a great friend, and I love him like a brother. However, I’m not sure what to say. I find it sometimes we tend to get carried away, talking about the past and the old days of high school. Unfortunately, this guy has connections with some people that were not in my top three back in school. I’d rather not hear about those people anymore. I’m tired of talking about the past. It’s getting old. I would love to talk about new things like raising our kids, our careers, politics and the universe. No point in reminiscing over pointless crap that happened in the schoolyard 20, 30 or 45 years ago. None of it matters anymore.
So there’s this guy that I had messaged a while back. I said some things to him that I shouldn’t have said so he blocked me. It’s one thing to do stupid things in your life, but when you’re not ashamed to admit, you were in the wrong, at least you’re the bigger person. I’m not ashamed to admit I was completely stupid and locked common decency. I’m not ashamed to admit I was stupid and acted on impulse. He then blocked me and now gossips about me left and right. If you’re reading this, let me give you a valuable word of advice. We all make mistakes. Right? Get over yourself. That was almost five years ago. No need to hold a grudge and be uptight. Just relax. Go smoke a joint, have a beer or go jerk off to your boyfriend.
I’m so glad I no longer live in Montreal anymore. Aside from the authentic European foods and some dear family members that passed away, I don’t miss anything about the city I grew up in. The roads are broken. The education system is shitty. Don’t even get me started on the French. They are a lot more racist than ever. Sure, BC is more expensive to live in, make no mistake about that. But I’ve been here for over 25 years and I feel like this province is truly my home. I love it here very much and I appreciate what I have.
I love working my maintenance job. It pays very well and got a new increase in my salary. Sometimes it’s meditative, other times hectic but mostly meditative. I just focus on my cleaning tasks and make sure to communicate with my boss if there’s anything that’s broken.. One of the best things about being a custodian in my opinion, is the fact that you work alone. You don’t have to deal with the office politics that happen behind the front desk. I pay no attention to petty gossip and I never involve myself in any melodrama whatsoever. Can’t bothered with that. Ain’t got no time for that sort of nonsense. I love my job and I enjoy where I am.
I knew two guys that used to be best friends since childhood but fell apart years later. One grew up in a strict God fearing religious household. The other hid in the closet for many years until after grad. The religious guy didn't take it very well when he learned of this news. He even deliberately excluded his closest friend from his own wedding. Once he realized cutting his friend off from the guest list was wrong, he learned to accept that person whom he is. Eventually, they made up but still, the damage has been done since those two no longer talk to each other anymore. It's not good to judge your close friends based on their personal beliefs. You can have a difference of opinion but it's best to be respectful of one another. Real friends can't be bought.
But I was watching nature YouTube videos. Nature is ruthless and unforgiving. It makes me wonder why people think vegetarianism makes a difference. Animals have horrible deaths. Almost all of them are eaten alive. Meat processing plants are a cake-walk compared to being swallowed whole and having your bones crushed. Can't vegetarians just sort of wake up?
Sometimes I get mad at my kids for doing (or not doing) something my dad (or mom) would have taught me by now.
But what I'm really mad at is the fact that my husband appears to not have taught them very much by now, because he doesn't often look up from his computer or phone. I get mad at my kids for something my husband hasn't taught them! That's messed!
I go through phases with it. Block and unblock. Feeling strong and then weak. Feeling sad but then free. But every time I get weak again I regret it. I unblock and then they reach out. A call or a text. If they catch me in a weak moment I reply and then it starts. Some back and forth and teasing and laughing and then for a brief time my heart fills with hope again. I forget for just a minute about all the other times. So I was weak and I got sucked into that delusional thinking for a few days and then snap! Just like that, the texts stop and no phone calls and it’s clear they were just testing to see if they still had me. But that’s okay. I’m strong enough now to know that what I’m feeling is normal, and I’m not the messed up one who just wants to f*** with someone’s feelings because they need that rush. I’d rather be me any day.