And it robbed me of any chance of a social life or career in my 20s. How can the city be so hostile and uncaring to young professional adults that they're fucked the moment they graduate from post secondary?
I messaged a lady from the ghost of Christmas past years ago. I was hoping we could get together for a cup of steamy coffee, just to clear the air and relax. I’m not looking for a girlfriend, by all means. Just a friendly meaningful conversation about life itself. Let’s be real and genuine.
Last night, my car was stolen. It’s not the first time and probably won’t be the last. I had some security devices on it, but obviously they don’t do much. Although this totally sucks, I’m not really writing to complain about it, but to confess that it has reminded me of how unsafe I feel in my city.
I don’t live somewhere that is considered “sketch”. I used to feel very safe here, but lately it seems that no matter where I go, something bad has happened. Vancouver, Burnaby, Delta, Surrey… is anywhere safe anymore? A few weeks ago a woman was attacked in broad daylight, crossing a street that is less than 5 mins from my home.
A couple years ago there was a creep watching young women through basement windows in my neighbourhood (please buy blinds people!) and doing (what I’m sure you can imagine) with his body.
I’m going to a Christmas party where I’m worried about having to catch the skytrain because the area is totally sketch. (Yes I could and will probably get a ride, but that isn’t really the point). I’m scared to walk home when it’s just getting dark outside, even though I’m a 5 min walk from skytrain.
It’s the fact that I feel scared. I don’t feel safe anymore. I read that random attacks on strangers are increasing.
What has happened to our city. It’s depressing.
Am I alone in these thoughts….
I never went to any of my high school reunions. My thing is out of sight, out of mind. Sure, there were a few kids I hung out with back in the day and we often ate lunch together. Truth be told, we were never really that close. It wasn’t a friendship, only a clique. We stuck around each other just for the social aspect based on common interests like music and movies. But as we got older, our interests changed…big time and we started having minds of our own. We eventually went our separate ways, haven’t seen or communicated with each other since. That’s life.
Why am I still living in Vancouver. Why do I still choose to be here. After over ten years I have lost a house and community. Why do I stay? This city is my home. My job is here. And I know it’s not enough. So what do I do about it. Slowly rebuild my life.
For a while, I have had distance from every toxic person in my life. Some passed away, others were told to get out of my life for good, circumstances allowed a few to leave my existence and a few regretfully drifted off. At first, I was sad about the drifters, but as time passed, I kept getting more articles and books coming my way. I found myself reading more and more about abusive people and people with personality issue red flags. It's like life is educating me on why they were "removed" from my life path, and now I both pity those that drifted and understand how their not being in my life anymore is a very good thing, even when I initially thought otherwise. I learned about myself and others, so while the lessons were at times hard to experience (and, for some, I wish things didn't turn out the way they did), I'm quite glad how I learned on many levels as a result of those experiences. I am better prepared should I encounter anyone like these people again, and am ready for much healthier and more rewarding interactions now because I am worth a happy life filled with fun, patient, supportive, loyal, kind people who live in integrity embracing collective growth. I have lots of room now.
It doesn’t have to mean anything. That’s what he said. There’s something in me that disagrees. When I think about what it takes to survive in life, my impression is that there must be a value or idea to grasp onto, like a point on the horizon to focus on while in turbulent waters. If there is nothing, I imagine myself lost at sea under a starless sky beholden to currents and waiting for the direction of sunrise. I can choose what things mean to me, and more importantly, I get to choose how I respond. I wish I could be gracious, but I think he’s an asshole and needs to put down the Nietzsche and pick up Frankl.
I held onto a memory of an ex through the last few years that kept me grinding away at my personal growth. Making money, gaining stability, growing mature, staying fit... then I ran into them and holy shit they got changed. Maybe the joke is on me as a single, but they married into what appears to be a trailer park life style covered in trashy tattoo's and hipster make up. I guess people do change.
Confessions were a lifeline during much of the isolation period of the last few years. While they were down some stuff happened in my real world that gave me life closure on things that had no guarantees would happen. I am awake to life like I was before the pandemic, my heart is open to what is an already starting long Xmas season, and the confessions opened back up on cue. Life is beautiful.
I feel embarrassed for them, but I don’t know them well enough to tell them that they’re making a total ass of themselves. Some types of behaviour can be tolerated when a person is in their 20’s, but when they’re still doing it when they’re over 50 it’s cringeworthy. And what’s even worse is when they include you in it without your permission, by saying “we”. Leave me out of it please! I have no desire to make myself look like an aging fool, thank you very much.