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You get what you pay for

I’ve had my fill with free counselling services through my work. They weren’t the best. They would just sit there, look at me and try to calm me down. Then they ask what are some strategies that I can do. It’s just didn’t do it for me. One counsellor in particular tried to push his personal agenda on me by asking me what my sexual orientation is. Counsellors need to give their clients a choice if they want to talk about the issues of sexuality or not. Believe me, I felt even more depressed after walking out of the office. I’m sure that’s a different experience for everybody but free counselling is not for me. So I just pay to see a psychologist that I’ve known for many years. He knows my history and has really helped me truly understand my feelings. I think I will stick with people whom I can trust and the psychologist is definitely one of them.

I'm exhausted

of the city. Of its shrouding busy lights where you cannot make out a thing with your weary eyes. People on relentless insatiable chases that leaves close ones in the dust. The pandemic, too, but it only exaggerated what was already there. I'd like to go somewhere small. A quiet place with birds by a body of water. Bonfires under the bone moon. Those who aren't coming to leave. People often say that you'll miss the city, but after some months in a quaint town last year, I'm not sure if I will.

When taking the skytrain...

I try to avoid the trains coming from or going to surrey. I don't even mind waiting until the next one.

cold food

I've stopped ordering from any place that uses a bike delivery system...too damn tired of getting cold food all the time.

Hollow day

A few of us at my work dressed up for Halloween because we still wanted to get into the spirit. But not very many. The majority of people at work didn’t bother dressing up this year. Maybe it’s Covid. I can’t even think of a better answer than that but Covid has taken the spirit out of this once fun holiday.

Cold turkey

Today I walked over to the nearest garbage can and threw away packs of unopened cigarettes. I have finally decided to quit smoking for good. It feels strange to give it up indefinitely after six months. I’ve been through my share of heartache and depression this past year but I’m trying to find more better ways to cope.

Robots Need Love Too

I can't call in sick. I can't just call in and take a mental health day if I'm feeling run down and need to rest and recover. I feel too spread thin. There is no one to cover for me. Promises of support are made and rescinded. My body is protesting. I find I have little energy outside of my job to muster aside from basic necessities. I rally each morning and talk myself out of bed, "It will be over soon and you can go back to bed." I don't feel like a human being. I am isolated and beyond busy. At work, more tasks pile up because apparently, I have the time. This is how much time I have: I have so much time I don't have time to grab a coffee, go to the bathroom, or talk. I scarf my lunch at my desk if I can but now have given up bringing food at all. I am tired... I am very tired.

I genuinely don’t believe in love anymore

Been on dating apps for over a year, been on over 10 dates this year and yet nothing at all… I am in my early 20s and it looks like men within my age range (21-26) don’t want any commitment, although a lot of friends my age are having success in that apartment. I always saw myself as a marriage type but I'm tired of failure upon failure…

ode to Judy Collins

I was with someone for 4.5 years, it took 2 years to get over them. I was with someone for 1 year, it took 3 years to get over them. I have been with people for 3 or 4 months, and when it ended, I was over it within 24 hours. now I find myself thinkin daily about someone I almost, but never actually went on a date with, daily for the last 2 months. its lifes illusions I recall, I really dont know life at all.

For Halloween

I grew a wart (or something) right between my eyes (not intentionally). Just my luck. Should I try pretending to be witch?


Leopard coat sits with red plaid jacket on...

Was the first real night out in a while and was very flighty with my head swimming in shed...


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