Search confessions

When taking the skytrain...

I try to avoid the trains coming from or going to surrey. I don't even mind waiting until the next one.

cold food

I've stopped ordering from any place that uses a bike delivery system...too damn tired of getting cold food all the time.

Hollow day

A few of us at my work dressed up for Halloween because we still wanted to get into the spirit. But not very many. The majority of people at work didn’t bother dressing up this year. Maybe it’s Covid. I can’t even think of a better answer than that but Covid has taken the spirit out of this once fun holiday.

Cold turkey

Today I walked over to the nearest garbage can and threw away packs of unopened cigarettes. I have finally decided to quit smoking for good. It feels strange to give it up indefinitely after six months. I’ve been through my share of heartache and depression this past year but I’m trying to find more better ways to cope.

Robots Need Love Too

I can't call in sick. I can't just call in and take a mental health day if I'm feeling run down and need to rest and recover. I feel too spread thin. There is no one to cover for me. Promises of support are made and rescinded. My body is protesting. I find I have little energy outside of my job to muster aside from basic necessities. I rally each morning and talk myself out of bed, "It will be over soon and you can go back to bed." I don't feel like a human being. I am isolated and beyond busy. At work, more tasks pile up because apparently, I have the time. This is how much time I have: I have so much time I don't have time to grab a coffee, go to the bathroom, or talk. I scarf my lunch at my desk if I can but now have given up bringing food at all. I am tired... I am very tired.

I genuinely don’t believe in love anymore

Been on dating apps for over a year, been on over 10 dates this year and yet nothing at all… I am in my early 20s and it looks like men within my age range (21-26) don’t want any commitment, although a lot of friends my age are having success in that apartment. I always saw myself as a marriage type but I'm tired of failure upon failure…

ode to Judy Collins

I was with someone for 4.5 years, it took 2 years to get over them. I was with someone for 1 year, it took 3 years to get over them. I have been with people for 3 or 4 months, and when it ended, I was over it within 24 hours. now I find myself thinkin daily about someone I almost, but never actually went on a date with, daily for the last 2 months. its lifes illusions I recall, I really dont know life at all.

For Halloween

I grew a wart (or something) right between my eyes (not intentionally). Just my luck. Should I try pretending to be witch?

Finding the beauty

Where I live, the Golden Arches is no longer open 24 hours. Not enough employees. The W-mart looks like it is on the brink of collapse, unpacked warehouse boxes fill the middle of the isles, the freezer section has parts out of service. At a time when everyone wants their piece of the cake and to eat it too, I find this world beautiful. The stress of over population and self satisfaction meeting a social media'd zombie world. It feels like we're going backwards. A friend of mine lost their business about a year ago and what seemed like was going to destroy their marriage and parenting, didn't. They're not in debt, the banks helped them forgive a bunch of stuff. The ferries and commutes are a disaster but I don't have to take them anymore. Sure I've lost my reasons for taking both, but those things don't currently exist. Staycations aren't fun. They're stressful. I work half as much make twice as much and my take home is some how half as much after bills. But it is all so beautiful. Happy Halloween.

On a day such as today

I confess that whenever I feel adrift or disconnected such as today, I recall a Martha Graham quote that my friend introduced me to: “There is only one of you in all time. This expression is unique and if you block it, it will never exist through any other medium and it will be lost.” Without getting all esoteric, it helps me stop and feel a sense of belonging and also more aware of the meaning of purpose. On the other hand it also brings up an acute awareness about "am I doing everything I can to appreciate my expression - to be authentic in my time?" That can feel a little anxious as it's easy to get caught up in the noise and haste of the world. So, if any one is feeling slightly blue or disconnected on a rainy day such as today, consider that ya, lots of people share the same names or DNA, but there has only ever been one you in all of time, and when you are gone, there will never be another you. - it actually has logic to it too (satisfies that other side of my brain ; )


Leopard coat sits with red plaid jacket on...

Was the first real night out in a while and was very flighty with my head swimming in shed...


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